Janice Dickinson, holy crap, that’s gotta stop

March 31st, 2008 // 135 Comments

Dearest Jan-Jan,

Before we begin, I’d like to commend you on your efforts entertaining our troops during the Second World War. At the ripe young age of 40, you gave our boys something to live for as they fought to stop Hitler from finding Jesus’ cup in that tomb with the knight who was like super old. Anyway, those glory days are long gone. When you reach the triple digits, it’s time to retire the bikini. How do I put this delicately? Your ass looks like E.T.’s stomach – but more Play-Doh-y. So Play-Doh-y, in fact, that I’m about ready to bust out my Spaghetti Factory. I like to make the stars!


The Superficial Writer

NOTE: Not sure what this is, but I’m convinced it’s our duty as a society to kill it.

Photos: Splash News

  1. woodhorse

    This is all sorts of wrong. I feel sorry for whomever works in that Nursing Home.

  2. kelly

    She doesn’t look that bad. Yeah too much plastic surgery in the face but atleast shes not grotesquely fat like most of your moms.

  3. piddle

    Looks like someone went to see tara Reids surgeon. When will you idiot women learn, if a guy operates out of a pinto in the parking lot of a piggly wiggly with a pocket knife, a straw and a lemon wedge for sterilizing he may not be a “professional’.

    It’s fucking patheric to see women and men so afraid of something as natural as aging, I wish there was a god so he could make all the terminally ill kids with cancer switch places with all the self absorbed botox filled celebrities and wannabes,”there ya go you vain pieces of shit now you don’t have to worry about aging or getting fat”.

    Fucking patheric, I’d rather my wrinkles have wrinkles then be some fucking freak who can’t live without their precious youth. Fucking worthless pieces of trash.

  4. Beyond awful. What makes it worse is that she thinks she is the bees fucking knees.


  5. I Is God Am

    I’m trying to figure out what’s so disgusting about here. Yes, she’s old…but she looks GREAT for her age! My god! Yeah, the face looks like she got nip/tuck’d by a clown with methed-out clwon with Down Syndrome, but that body is amazing.

  6. ixz

    Her mouth is ALWAYS open! I want to throw some food in it!

  7. Why the fuck is this on top again??

  8. Sapphire

    That’s just SCARY!!!!!!!! If I have to look like that at her age, I’m never wearing a bathing suit ever again after 40! I’m going to have nightmares tonight!

  9. J

    Yea – I’d tear that up real quick

  10. guy stevens

    id hit it. im 26.

  11. sharpeidude

    Other than The Cript Keepers wench, what is this wind chime with legs famous for again????

  12. Cthulha

    All you people who enjoy putting people down for not being 21 anymore: if you think any of you are going to look that good at 53, you’re tripping. Also, looking forward to decades of self-loathing as you, too, actually… wait for it… AGE. Enjoy!

  13. katii

    yeah i really don’t think she looks THAT bad considering her age….her legs aren’t the hottest thing ever, and those are some pretty bad angles with her ass, but….other than that, give the woman some credit

  14. ohmanthatsjust

    terrifying. absolutely terrifying.

  15. Yuck. Sorry. This is absolutely disgusting. The only way it could be worse is if it were fat.

  16. ever seen any real people?

    She looks better than most 20-somethings. The fact is, most real people don’t look that great in their bathing suits.

  17. 3rd planet

    I don’t know how old she is, but she’s got an 80 yr. old butt!! Not to be shown in public!! U wanna do that kinda shit, do it in front of ur mirror, in ur bedroom, in ur own house…….PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

  18. EEE

    DUDE. SHE IS 50. GIVE ME A BREAK . SHE LOOKS WAY BETTER THAN ANY 50 year-old I know. Also, to whomever is saying “retire”, note that she is vacationing. BTW…I don’t love the chick…just saying it like it is.

  19. Mr. Blackwell

    #63 You don’t get it – age unfortunately comes to everyone, but prancing around in bikini that doesn’t make the most of what you’ve got left makes the cruel reality of aging just that much more apparent. Skimpy bikinis look the best on young and firm bodies, so she should be realistic and wear something AGE APPROPRIATE, because she’s wearing a suit that does nothing for her. And no, that doesn’t mean a tent, just something that looks better. And that goes for 53 year old guys in speedos, too.

  20. eric

    I’d still do her. Easily.

  21. Missystar

    There’s nothing sadder than an aging whore. I mean that literally, she is a whore.

  22. Deb

    For the love of God-keep your clothes on!!

  23. Sarah

    I think she looks good for 53! Anybody who thinks she doesnt…..lets see what YOU look like at 53!

  24. alrighty now

    Yuck. Sorry. This is absolutely disgusting. The only way it could be worse is if it were a 53-year-old GUY. Or even an average 43-year-old guy. Hairy beer gut, anyone? Yummy.

  25. lk

    OMFG seriously whoever the fuck is talking shit is nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks simply amazing for her age (doesnt mean you have to wanna fuck her!)- plastic surgery has done wonders. I guess I need to start saving so I can look that good in 20+ years!!!!!!

  26. Tyra Bank

    I want to puke! Boy, should not have eaten expensive juicy steaks for dinner if I knew that I was going to see her saggy ass and fake tits!

  27. Sierra

    zebra legs.

  28. Darth Hater

    Why weren’t these pics labeled NSFW ?!?!?!

    As for the “she doesn’t look bad for 53″ crowd, two words for you:

    Jane Seymour

  29. Petite

    Obviously she relies on dieting to stay skinny, or she would be a lot more firm. I’m 40, and my body looks 30 because I’ve been exercising all my life. That loose ass is a result of not working on it~ use it or LOSE IT.

  30. Anon

    Where is this woman’s ass?

  31. Mommy in Missouri

    Yeah….. I hope I look that hideous at 53!

  32. stupid women

    The comments in this thread are further proof that women are simply disconnected from reality.

    Here’s the breakdown:

    Guys – “We do not find her attractive.”
    Girls – “She looks good for her age.”

    Girls, just stop. Stop, read the breakdown and let it sink in. The guys are saying that she is not attractive. Period. We don’t care if she’s 50 or 100 or 20. We only care about attractive or not-attractive. If she was attractive/hot/etc., we would all be posting “hot”, “i’d hit it”, etc. The point is that we don’t find her attractive.

    Girls, if you look at this woman, come to the conclusion that she is attractive, and hope to resemble her in some way, then you have a serious disconnect with reality. Assuming you are a heterosexual female, then you groom yourself to be attractive to men (and vice versa). All the guys in this thread are saying “we don’t like this look”. Take the hint. You can aspire to look like her, but all the guys around you will not find you attractive.

  33. There’s no fool like an old fool…..

  34. kelly

    are you fucking for real?
    She looks hot for somone whos a great great great grandmother.
    If I was like maybe that old leather suitcase George Hamilton i would totally give that granny a bang.

  35. teddy ruxpin

    nice treasure trail

  36. fygu

    I seriously felt like crying looking at these pics (which are really my future) I’m a little chub but I suddenly feel much better about my body. She really looks frightening, but still better than my mom.

  37. this is stupid, let her swim, she’s already anorexic for you people

  38. stupid you

    Dear, “stupid women – March 31, 2008 11:44 PM”

    The comments in this thread are further proof that you are simply disconnected from reality.

    Here’s the breakdown:
    Guys, girls- “she looks good for a 100 year old”
    you- “I’m a dumb ass”

  39. melissa h.

    for a 53 year old woman that eats her weight in bitch pills daily, she doesn’t look half bad.. honestly.

  40. kc

    What a stupid whore. Ladies, you too can look like that if you go to the face, tits, and liposuction factory. Get over it.

  41. Racer X

    Dude, my mouth was open.

    /I need some eye-bleach!!!!

  42. you can look like that ina day if you watch this and sack it WOWBOOTY.COM

  43. erica.

    thanks a lot. this just ruined my day,

  44. Oh my God! Not before, during or after breakfast man! Cover that shiat up! My eyes! They burn!

  45. Roy S

    She is 53 years old. I’m 37. If I was 55-60 and was with her I would be like holy crap! How did I get so lucky?. If I met her at a honky tonk one night I would hit that shit anyway. Once again, she is 53 and looks great. You jealous fucks on the celeb sites are just straight up haters. When I’m in my 50′s I hope I’m in shape enough to take my shirt off at the beach.

  46. Golden Bunny

    MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!

  47. Body of a senior citizen with the tits of a teen.

  48. tired

    These comments are proof why 12 year olds should be supervised. Idiots!

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