Janet Jackson was at the Johnny Vaughn show on Capital Radio in London and demanded chilled spring water from Fiji. And not to be confused as a regular human being, she had her staff use a thermometer to check and make sure the water was cold enough. A source says:
“It was simply unbelievable. It was hilarious watching her staff make such a fuss.”
You know how else you can tell if water is cold enough? You drink it. Or touch it. Or get near it. There’s pretty much an infinite number of more sensible options than having an entire staff of lemmings run around with a thermometer. Although water does taste better when there’s science involved. Wait, did I say science? I meant Vicodin.
I think if the only guy I could find to screw around with was some record producer midget, his carny hands all over my body would leave me pretty cold, too.
We have this stuff down in Texas called “ice.” It chills stuff pretty good. You’d think them rich people would have heard of it by now. I mean, I know Janet’s probably got her hands full trying to keep her boobs from dropping, but you’d think one of her assistants could Google “chill” or “cold water” and come up with a source for ice in London. Guess not.
I didn’t have anything against Janet before, but if this story’s true, what a dumbass. You’d think being a former fatty (as well as being from the same gene pool as Michael) would have given her a little humility. Again, apparently not.
I really hate that family.
My bet is there’s usually a good mix of saliva in that chilled Fijian water she drinks….
And I would like to officially add Janet to my list of numb cunts I’d like to punch in the twat.
So far:
Madonna,
Lindsey Lohan,
Jennifer Lopez,
Sienna Miller (her I’d punch twice),
Nicholas Cage,
Pammy Anderson, even though she is a fellow Canuck, her tits are an atrocity against mankind.
I wish I was there and she was all drunk and her bodyguards were away. She’d be lying half asleep on a couch in a bathrobe, bitching to me about water, and I’d grab a giant bottle of Jolt cola, shake it up, lube it and get a running start. As I ran, I’d remove the top and stick my thumb in. Janet would be naked under the bathrobe with her legs spread wide open, and then I’d run up and BAM! In she goes. Lodged maybe an inch or two in, I’d then push my whole body weight against it until SCHLUMP! It’s all inside, and the ice cold Jolt is BLASTING it’s way into her vagina and ripping into her uterus. She tries to get up, but the big bottle leaves her unable to get up from a prone position on the couch. FLEURSHZZZZZZ!!!!!! The bubbles from the caffiene-fueled Jolt deliver a burning sensation from her pussy into her uterus, as the carbonation streches everything inside to baby-delivery size in less than 5 seconds. She rolls over and stands up, speechless and gasping, and lunges for the phone. She misses, hits her forehead on a marble coffetable with a deep, satisfying BWUMP! She’s out COLD
sid, how long did that take you to pen?
Fuck.
RE #55 Posted by sid on August 8, 2006 10:15 PM:
Awesome… and sorta disturbing. You don’t have any teenage runaways buried in your backyard, do you? If not, bravo… I’ll never see Jolt cola the same way again.
sid, I think its time to lay off the meth. You have too many crazy antics playing around in your brain, and god forbid you play any of those out. But I do remember the days of vivarin and jolt cola, my best friends grandma was like, “I don’t want you hanging around with that girl, she does too many drugs!” ha ha.
I would totally steal that water from that girl and drink it. Then I’d wait 15 minutes and pee it into her butt. Yeah, who’s in control now, biatch.
I hope all her flumkies spit into the Fijian water and it all chills nicely. Then I hope she asks for chilled tapioca pudding and all the male flunkies realize that all their Christmases have come at once to get some nasty revenge on this crazy bitch.
Thanks, guys :)
Jolt Cola will always be special for us…
She acts very picky for someone who let Justin Timberlake rip off her bra thingie and show her boob to the world.
World to Janet: You’re about 25 years removed from Penny on Good Times, Dif’rent Strokes, and Fame. Change your hairstyle. And your whole look for that matter. And stop squeezing you’re saggy mams together… only Dave Letterman and your Webster-looking crunktastic big-headed man-boy are impressed. Bitch.
Like her wacko brother she tries to come across as a soft spoken, kind, person but in reality she’s a controlling bitch who demeans people.. Send her to Africa so she can starve to death.
Wow, one of the Jacksons doing something strange…I’m shocked!
She probably also has them check the temperature of her Massengil before she douches.
Sorry, not related to the water incident, but ewwwwwwww. I’m so tired of everyone talking about how good she looks. She looks like her freakin’ face is melting off! Did I say Ew? Oh, good I did. I’m done then.
Her new album is 20 Years Old. In her press conf photos http://www.exposay.com/press-conference-for-upcoming-album-20-years-old/v/3254/ I’d say mid 40s, early 50s…
@64, you want her to starve to death, let her try your diet for a week. Africa is too much of a paradise for either of you. @65 i concur.
Did it ever occur to any of you hating ass bitchs that just maybe your stuck on stupid believing everything you read? So because you read it in some broke ass tabloid story it must be true… fucking idiots spending they time tearing another person down..Janet Jackson aint thinking about none of you punks…her bank account is fatter then most of ya’ll mamas asses…take that energy and go use it to improve your miserable lives…you dont know what you read is true or not …was any of you broke muthafuckas there? ok then…DUST