Apparently, you should never tell secrets to Jane Seymour because here she is at last night’s premiere of Love, Marriage, Wedding blabbing to CNN about how she wasn’t even “remotely surprised” to hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s love child, and that she knows there are at least two more floating around out there:
The former Dr. Quinn shared more of her thoughts on the situation. “From what I gather, I think there will be lots of information coming people’s way,” she says. “I heard about two more [out of wedlock kids] somebody else knows about. I even met someone who knows him well.”
Ultimately, she says, “I feel sorry for the kids.”
Later that night, Jane Seymour returns home and quietly pulls a tin of shoe polish from her purse. She had been deliberately careful in tucking it beneath a tissue after purchasing it from the grocer, but could still feel its weight during the premiere. Its guilty, guilty weight.
“Mom,” a small voice calls from the cellar accompanied by the rattle of chains. “Is that you?”
“Shh, yes, dear. Mommy’s home.”
“Are you going to make my muscles shiny again?”
“I’m going to make them shiny, my love. Shiny like your father’s…”
Fin.
Photo: Getty
Hugh Gentry | May 19, 2011 at 3:51 pm
I’d nail that sexy old broad
horn dog | May 19, 2011 at 4:21 pm
+1
rican | May 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
+2, ass to mouth
Mark | May 19, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Yeah she’d get it.
Venom | May 21, 2011 at 2:45 am
+5
BOB_FRESH | May 19, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Remind me never to tell Jayne Seymour ANYTHING ever again.
Maeby | May 19, 2011 at 3:54 pm
You should write romance novels.
Slinger | May 19, 2011 at 3:55 pm
trying to get buzz for whatever crap she is selling
Maeby | May 19, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I’m definitely not going to buy anymore of her boobs/butts collection at Kay Jewelry
Deacon Jones | May 19, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Lesson here folks, don’t think for a minute think some whore you’re banging on the side will keep her mouth shut. Their brains don’t operate that way. They need to TELL other women, it gives them some sort of ego/self-esteem boost / attention fulfillment to gossip amongst themselves.
Only the best keep their mouths shut. And they are few and far between.
feminist barbie | May 19, 2011 at 4:25 pm
thanks.:)
Really?? | May 19, 2011 at 6:49 pm
The only ones that keep their mouths shut are the ones getting paid.
See Alice | May 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Arnie is a true Kennedy clansmen now !
Aussie Mama | May 20, 2011 at 12:28 am
Kennedy, Clinton, Bush (it’s just the bushes liked boys, not women), you have to be a corrupt prick to hget elected in the 1st place, Good people don’t ahve a hope in hell!
Steph | May 19, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Yep…Cause Jane Seymour…TOTALLY an authority on the subject. >.> Arnold is scum for doing this to Maria, but don’t believe anything you read until it comes out of the horses *ahem* mouth.
Whatever | May 19, 2011 at 4:46 pm
…. or vagina…..
dudeatdudedotdude | May 19, 2011 at 4:10 pm
If that piece of shit bin laden was allowed to have 50 kids why can’t the rest of us
Dreg | May 19, 2011 at 4:11 pm
At least Tiger Woods knew when to pull out. Or to go anal. We can all learn a lot from Tiger. Arnold, are you listening?
jumpin_j | May 19, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Seriously, ‘phish, that stuff you added at the end really creeped me out.
KAY | May 19, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Because if your heart is open, Arnold will always find his way in.
Venom | May 21, 2011 at 2:47 am
OMFG, I am dying laughing.
Komodo | May 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Dr. Quinn: Medicine Snitch.
Go watch her in Somewhere In Time though… hawtz.
Gilberator | May 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm
“If you pray hard enough, you too may someday be Touched by an Ahnold”
rfbranch | May 19, 2011 at 4:32 pm
AMAZING post Fish…laughed for a week at that one!
wtf | May 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm
how is that even possible unless you invented a time machine amidst your hysteria just so you could make such a ridiculous assertion.
Amy | May 19, 2011 at 5:28 pm
He could have invented a time machine at some point before his hysteria and just hopped in while he was laughing.
TomFrank | May 19, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Of course she knows about Arnold’s love children. She saw it when she laid the Ace of Wands card on top of the Two of Cups.
stinky mcpoop | May 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Shouldn’t she be out with her sister giving some gay kid a boner?
stinky mcturd | May 20, 2011 at 8:32 am
They aren’t sister – not even from the country!!
stinky mcpoop | May 20, 2011 at 11:37 am
Shouldn’t she be with her brother Seymoure Butts making porn movies then?
Cardinal Fang | May 19, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Hollywood, politics, sports, and music is a fuckfest of adultery and cheating. Arnold is just the latest to be caught. I’d think we’d be really surprised to know how deep it goes.
Any Guy | May 19, 2011 at 5:28 pm
in related news, the sun was found to be hot.
rican | May 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm
that’s what she said
Ole one eye Rough | May 19, 2011 at 4:57 pm
“She heard”
What a loud mouth. The man had one house keeper for the last 20years. How did she compute 2 more kids?
Amy | May 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Okay, so here’s the thing: if Arnold fucked his ugly ass housekeeper and knocked her up – like, you know, carelessly cuz I doubt he was having a deep and meaningful relationship with her – then he doesn’t seem to exhibit a lot of two things: 1) discrimination and 2) caution. Right, so I bet there’s a whole army of Schwarznegger love children out there waiting to take over the world. We could make a movie series out of it and call it Sperminator.
Dan | May 23, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I agree… he isn’t too careful, so he does this a lot. That is how this works.
It is not like he was deeply in love with some woman other than his wife. He just liked fuckin’
cc | May 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm
As others have pointed out, perhaps it’s a Kennedy thing. The men in the family never could keep their dicks in their pants…maybe Arnie can blame on some sort of douchebag contagion.
cc | May 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm
BTW, did anyone see her ass in Lassiter? It’s worth watching the movie for that alone (trust me).
lizzie | May 19, 2011 at 5:21 pm
You shouldn’t go spreading your not so proud stuff around. But Seymour shouldn’t have said stuff about it.
Pippy Longcockings | May 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm
Well, Dr. Quim Medicine Whore is never wrong!
Little Richard | May 19, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Snitches get stiches.
tlmck | May 19, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Still hot.
the captain | May 20, 2011 at 12:19 am
please cut the crap with all this sickmaking talking about LOVE-children!!
WE EUROPEANS CALL THEM BASTARD-KIDS!!
Aussie Mama | May 20, 2011 at 12:27 am
BULLSHIT. kids are kids, it’s not their bloody fault. no child, under any circumstances deserves to be called a bastard!
Aussie Mama | May 20, 2011 at 12:25 am
Just proves my point all the more; GOOD PEOPLE DON’T GET ELECTED, ONLY SCUM RISES TO THE TOP!
no legal expert | May 20, 2011 at 12:28 am
Theres a very interesting interview that Gloria Allred did on TV, available on the net: cutting to the chase of my understanding of what she said, is this – if a woman has a child when she’s married, its automatuically assumed to be her husbands unless a paternity test says otherwise. If male paternity isn’t scientifically established after 2 years (in other words, if the woman doesn’t come forward within that time to claim it’s someone elses kid with her, other than her husbands), after that time she can’t then make such a claim and FORCE the 3rd party to the table with a DNA sample to establish paternity (where if she had done so within the first 2 years of birth, any 3rd party would legally be obligated to supply such DNA). So, if Ahhnold wanted to, he could deny the kid is his, and not offer his DNA for paternity to be established, and this woman wouldn’t have a legal leg to stand on.
Sarah Connor | May 20, 2011 at 10:07 am
The dude is the all time stud of the world. He’s going to fuck em. Ask yourself why the women let him get them pregnant. They are just as guily. Being an Arnold kid? Can’t be all that bad. I just feel sorry for Arnold that he has been exposed for having sex with that super ugly bitch. She’s just a gold digger. Guatemala? Poorest country outside of Africa and now she’s living the high life. Who’s to blame? Did she take advantage of Arnold’s need to fuck? Hell yea! Women are horrible.
a pornstar | May 20, 2011 at 10:40 am
Sarah, you need to give back your vagina to the vagina store.
Obviously , you didn’t read the instructions when on how the vagina operates.
Montana | May 24, 2011 at 12:05 pm
If Jane Seymour is right then Arnold Schwarzenegger should just come clean and give out the number of kids he fathered, get this behind him and make some “low brow” movies, the only thing he was somewhat good at. Because as a Governor, he was a huge failure, thanks “John and Ken” from KFI 640 AM radio losers for getting him elected and the fools that voted for him. At least he is out of office unlike Louisiana Senator, David “Diaper Boy” Vitter, who paid for his wants.
Ellen | May 24, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Another GOP “Family Values” lier goes down, Vitter is scum too.