Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears’ uncle William Spears is all about airing the family’s dirty laundry. Apparently Jamie Lynn herself was an accident just like the child in her belly that may or may not be Casey Aldridge’s. Jamie Spears had a vasectomy after Britney was born, but yet somehow Lynne ended up pregnant. The Sun reports:
He said: “Jamie got awfully mad. He said it couldn’t be his.” Williams alleges Jamie demanded a DNA test, that eventually proved he was the baby’s biological father.
He added: “That’s why they named her Jamie Lynn, to kind of make the point that she was from both of them.”
Ha! What an amazing way to name your child. I can just imagine how that conversation went with Jamie Lynn: Daddy, where did my name come from? Well, you see, sweetie, Daddy only wanted two kids so he had his balls snipped. See the scar? Well, since God is a sick bastard, somehow your mommy got knocked up. Now I’ve always suspected she’s a cheap whore and didn’t believe it was mine. But stupid science proved me wrong, so we decided, shit, we’re stuck with you, why not pick a name that reminds us of how much I distrust that fucking shrew of a woman and wish she’d die in her sleep. The end. Sleep tight, my little princess. Smooches!
WONTON | February 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm
i like turtles.
The Office Whore | February 29, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Too bad his name wasn’t Dick..
commish | February 29, 2008 at 12:35 pm
That’s almost kind of sad.
Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha!
D. Richards (Sloth.) | February 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Yes-Yes-Yes! This is so fantastic: Jamie Lynn was a mistake!
Thank you, Jesus! Oh, god, thank you!
Zanna | February 29, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Jamie is a mistake and Britney should have been aborted. That was a mistake too.
FCS | February 29, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Apparently saggy, bra-less, floor- scraping tits run in the family. At least she doesn’t have jowels. yet.
sicasso | February 29, 2008 at 12:42 pm
See the scar?
Almost had me choking on my lunch. Or was it just the sight of that Nickelodeon-wrecking slutard?
Whatever.
Pak31 | February 29, 2008 at 12:42 pm
You people are cruel. Zanna, you say that these two never should have been born, that they are mistakes yet it’s okay for you to be a heartless human being. That makes no sense. Why is it okay for you guys to be ruthless and cruel but it’s not okay for the Spears’ sisters to live????
FRIST!!! | February 29, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Big deal. Half (if not more) of the world’s population was unintentional..including me. I don’t think you’re supposed to let your kids know that though..
Randal | February 29, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I think Jamie Lynn will make an excellent mother and continue to be the beautiful young lady she has turned out to be.
Your fans support you Jamie!
xoxo
gits | February 29, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Jamie Lynn was an accident. Britney has accidents. Whether it’s going in or coming out, these Spearseseses seem pretty confused.
commish | February 29, 2008 at 12:45 pm
He should have used a veterinarian; they would have banded his testicles and they would have fallen off and there would have been no doubt Jamie was fathered by her Great Uncle Earl, twice removed.
Ang | February 29, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Apparently Dr. Cletus botched the vasectomy. Which is weird, because he never makes mistakes when he’s neutering the pets.
D. Richards (Surgeon.) | February 29, 2008 at 12:50 pm
#10? Randal — you’re just a sad, sad, sad homosexual, aren’t you?
Fanatics: Nature’s human dung-balls.
gina | February 29, 2008 at 12:52 pm
does anyone feel like the superficial has added on a new writer or two…one that’s less funny than the previous ones?
FRIST!!! | February 29, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Then again, people say I look like many of the Seattle Supersonics, so maybe it wasn’t all that unintentional.
Anonymous | February 29, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Randal,
You’re either gay, stupid, or both.
Jamie Spears | February 29, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hey, he’s a good doctor. I don’t think he botched the procedure. He does all the procedures right – like when he has me stand up, turn around, drop my pants, and then puts his hands on my shoulders while he checks my prostate.
tobor the 8th man | February 29, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Randal & Pak31:
Confused gay fanboy meet gender identity issues fantard. You two can decide who’s who.
Janine | February 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I always wondered about her name, it seemed kind of stupid. Wow, I guess the Spears are very fertile and/or inept at using birth control!
But somehow, as scary as it is, I think Britney planned her two boys.
RichPort | February 29, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Damn… I thought that said Jamie Lynn was IN an accident…
Sambo the Ass Pirate | February 29, 2008 at 1:08 pm
why use past tense? i’d say she still is an accident.
D. Richards (Nightmare.) | February 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm
#16! You’re a good Frist impersonator.
Chauncey Gardner | February 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm
This little cooze is better looking than her sister ever was. I want to void my nuts on those smart little spectacles!
maya | February 29, 2008 at 1:10 pm
ALL THE SPEARS KIDS AE ACCIDENTS you really think those drunk hilbillies know how the reproductio system works?!
GOSSIPgirl | February 29, 2008 at 1:10 pm
THe SPEARS suck, they torture there girls into POP SLAVERY!!!!!!!!
Sambo the Ass Pirate | February 29, 2008 at 1:10 pm
oh for fuck’s sake, she’s wearing ‘Britney’ boots. total batshit meltdown coming in 5…4….3…
nipolian | February 29, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Sorry folks…….but if you have a vasectomy you have a 0% chance of getting someone preggers. A more likely synopsis is that the whore Lynn was doing Uncle Willy and that the hillbilly doing the DNA test got confused because Jamie’s DNA is similar to his brother’s. Hell…..with all the inbreeding going on in that family tree, their DNA is probably an exact match.
Zanna | February 29, 2008 at 1:11 pm
@8 – because it’s the “circle of life” you fucking douchebag. Haven’t you seen the Lion King?
Zanna | February 29, 2008 at 1:13 pm
on a side note…I sure would love a d’anjou pear right about now.
IKE | February 29, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Hahaha hahaha hahaha!
Well written story!
The VeggiWhore | February 29, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata?
Yeah. It’s our motto!
What’s a motto?
Nothing. What’s a-motto with you?
la la la la la la
Auntie Kryst | February 29, 2008 at 1:17 pm
From an accident to proud GED recipient, this is a lovely story. *tear* CMT better make a made for TV movie about this.
I need more news here. Any background story on the actual conception? My bet; both drunk on shine on the flatbed of an El Camino.
rady | February 29, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Wow, two words DIS FUNCTIONAL!!!!
PenisMightier | February 29, 2008 at 1:20 pm
#28: WRONG. There have been cases of recanalization of the vasa deferentia, but it is rare.
Zanna | February 29, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Veggi-Mite!
mike | February 29, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Speaking of having accidents, she looks like she’s at exactly the right weight now to have a nice round ass worth pounding until she gets diarrhea and passes out. Now’s the time. Her frontside is already in the process of being destroyed by pregnancy and childbirth, but her backside looks ripe (after being too skinny before). And with the Spears girls, you can’t wait until they’re legal, because now we all know what they turn into.
maya | February 29, 2008 at 1:22 pm
now mommy & daddy’s little accident was worth it cos her teenage pregnancy will pay via the tabloids for alllll the pataters booz & abortions they need!
POON AND TATERS | February 29, 2008 at 1:24 pm
REALLY, HOW MANY OF US WERE PLANNED? MOST DUDES DON’T WANT KIDS. IT’S A RISK YOU TAKE TO GET THE POON.
FRIST!!! | February 29, 2008 at 1:28 pm
#23 no he’s not! He’s a fricken REtard. I don’t even get the lame-assed joke..
nipolian | February 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm
#35…Right you are….well done. I still think the chances that Uncle Willy’s fucked up DNA getting confused with Jamie’s fucked up DNA is much more likely.
soycapitan | February 29, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I would say the majority of people are accidents…if everybody was ready and planned when they had kids, our population might be under control. Like my pops always said, “That’s what happens when you don’t keep your pecker in your pants”
The VeggiWhore | February 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm
HEY! Moonshine is GREAT!! Lets not make it an association with hillbilly douchefuckers!! (I got to use your new word Auntie Kryst!)..
OutRunner1 | February 29, 2008 at 1:39 pm
@28- Actually, you can easily get someone pregnant within the first few weeks of having the procedure and later on down the line it can undo itself.
That’s why I only hump preggo chicks. They ain’t getting any pregnanter!
PenisMightier | February 29, 2008 at 1:40 pm
#41: CORRECT.
Auntie Kryst | February 29, 2008 at 1:46 pm
@43 Hmmm…yes, yes it works. Good to see it used from another’s typing. Thank you and I agree with your sentiment, I raise my mason jar to you.
RichPort | February 29, 2008 at 1:57 pm
#30 – You can get them on sale… about 99 cents a pound… sweeter than their Bosc cousins, without the leathery skin and… oh my… um… geez, my thong’s given me a wedgie…
#8 – Aren’t you a bit old to watch Ho-ey 101?
lipper | February 29, 2008 at 1:59 pm
It happens more than you know, I have a medical degree and the statistic is:Vasectomy failure is seen in 1 in 200 to 400 patients. It is due mostly to technical errors. Regardless, sometimes the body just bypasses the clamps and makes its own way so to speak. Women have this happen too, with their tubes tied etc.
I also know two guys who freaked when their wives became pregnant a year or so afterwards. And they were tested to confirm as well.. though at the risk of their marriage this was done, lol.
RichPort | February 29, 2008 at 2:00 pm
#48 – You have a medical degree and you’re here? I see the recession has hit us all… Are you sure you’re not confusing “degree” with “condition”?
commish | February 29, 2008 at 2:11 pm
#48
I’m not sure what site Google referred you to for that information, but that’s quite a wide margin, 1 out of 200 to 400?
“sometimes the body just bypasses the clamps and makes its own way so to speak”
Where did you get your “medical degree”? The Sally Struthers Institute for More Better Learnin’?