Jamie Lynn Spears: Let the baby pimpin’ begin!

July 9th, 2008 // 105 Comments

Jamie Lynn Spears just squeezed little Maddie Briann out, and already the pimping has begun. Although, everyone knows her mom Lynne sold the photo rights to OK! Magazine the minute she saw the ultrasound. Apparently, OK! likes their baby photos to have that “just out of the uterus” scent. Jamie Lynn also gave an interview for the latest issue that, judging by the responses, was written by at least five publicists and a gaggle of housewives:

On being home in Louisiana:
“Around here, everyone has the same focus. The focus is family, and that’s a good way to live.”

On the delivery:
“They’d told me it would be an eight- to 12-hour labor, and I was ready to have the baby in three to four hours. I had a perfect pregnancy and a perfect delivery. I was very blessed.”

On life with the new baby:
“We get up in the morning, and she gets her little bath. Then I get my bath. We have a routine, and I love routines. I’ve worked one out with her, and we’re happy going about our little life.”

You know what’s always a great idea? Glamorizing teenage motherhood. Awesome. First Juno tried to indie me to death and now this. I can almost smell the pregnancy pacts…


  1. dsajk jona

    FIRST!! OMG!

  2. bah

    bitch looks like she aged 40 years in 3 mintues

  3. Casey

    Right on, Superfish. I’m so sick of the media glamourizing teen pregnancy and then wondering why the rates are up.

  4. ganzagwenie

    What’s up with her hair?

  5. Conscience_Found

    try motherhood on for four years

  6. Casey

    Oh, and because this is the superficial: She’s fat.

  7. Grunion

    All right ! Everybody into the “how long until the authorites take away her baby ” pool.

    I’ve got Labour day, but I’ve always been an optomist.

  8. BMurphy72

    Would still hit it………..in about 4 weeks

  9. FCS

    That babies gonna be “Maddie” all right when she finds out who her aunt is

  10. surlywench

    Wow how can a teenager look so matronly? She looks like she has gray hair and false teeth.

  11. Hemlock Queen

    I don’t really give a damn… But her hair looks like shit! Eeew, girl is what? 16? She’s now been aged to 40. Shitty stylists….

  12. veggi

    The baby looks exactly like Kevin Federline.

  13. Who on their effing right minds would LOVE ROUTINES???????

  14. And just exactly how does any of this make her less of a whore?

  15. Hemlock Queen

    You know it’s bad when her crazy older sister looks better and younger.

  16. I’d stitch it up…then hit it.

  17. morga

    I guess it’s sooooooo eassssy when you have a pampered millionaire life. Try being one of the millions of other unwed mothers working two shitty jobs and living in a cramped apartment.


  18. What a bitch!!! “Perfect pregnancy and perfect delivery”..

    Apparently not everybdy has to be induced for three days at the hospital because you’re overdue and the kid’s gaining like apound a week and when the pitosin finally kicks in the baby’s like 9 pounds 3 ounces and you can’t sit for a week. Not that it happened to me, I was just sayin’..

  19. BMurphy72

    Amen number 17

  20. Wow, she does not look like a teen mother…she looks like someone to old to be giving birth!

  21. mike

    Yikes. Frist’s vadge looks like a baseball mitt because of all the tearing and scarring from when her kid Alien’d out of it. I didn’t know. I suspected, sure, but I didn’t know.

  22. nipolian

    On being home in Louisiana:
    “Around here, everyone has the same gene pool. The gene pool is from family, and that’s a good way to live.”

    On the delivery:
    “They’d told me it would come from under a cabbage leaf, boy were they wrong. It came straight out of my hooha.”

    On life with the new baby:
    “We get up in the morning, and she gets her little bath with her uncle. Then I get my bath with my uncle. We have a routine, and I love routines and my uncle. I’ve worked one out with her and him, and we’re happy going about our little life.”

  23. jzz

    she looks about 37 years old.
    her baby already looks like a yokel.

  24. KealKeal

    Does This Mean She’s Officialy A Milf Now?

  25. Crazy Old Bitch

    #25 she’s officially a waste of life. #23 Ha ha ha, I pissed down my legs and everything.

  26. Rick

    Goddamn it. She’s still a teenager, but already I’d have to restrict it to anal because I don’t want to see or feel the busted front of her body. If you girls didn’t let yourselves go, with the flab flaps and the stretch marks and the general saggy collapse, you wouldn’t have to put up with so much anal. But it’s the best we can do to still give you some (while pretending we’re in a girl who’s still hot with a tight body).

  27. xyz

    @27 Your mother had two cunts. You’re one of them.

  28. Grievousfish

    It is obvious that they are trying to downplay the teen mother angle on their cover shot. A little silver hair coloring, a little photoshop, and now you have a matronly/responsible looking mother.

  29. LOL @ 28. I bet Rick has a nice set of man boobs. And I think this is him!!!!!

  30. Auntie Kryst

    What a bunch of filthy gossip magazine whores. Glamorizing teen pregnancy?? Not OK Magazine. I hope this whole “child” thing isn’t going to upset her dreams of academic glory at LSU.

  31. .

    she looks OLD !!!!!

  32. tp

    “she gets her LITTLE bath” and “we’re happy going about our little LITTLE lives”

    Well isn’t that all just ITTY BITY and CUTSEY BOOTSEY!!!

    VOM!!! Grow up bitch, you have no idea what’s about to happen…

  33. Tasch

    Jamie shows us that having children ages you.

    Evidence: Gray hair at 18.

  34. Matthew

    #27 – “busted” is 100% correct. They should hand out fliers on the first day of freshman year in college, telling the guys to hit everything in sight because in just few years it’s gonna look flabby, saggy, and busted. Thank god we can ditch a bitch and get a newer model whenever we want.

  35. Princess

    to tp… ur clearly a fucking retard… you dont think she knows whats about to happen. she has it made her sister is loaded and she just ranked in the cash from the magazine your stupid ass is going to buy. you clearly have no idea what is going to happen and maybe you should shut your arrogant mouth. Just because shes a teenage mother doesnt mean her life is over. she clearly has a lot more capasity for success than you.

  36. meow

    Jamie Lynn got pregnant on purpose, just like the pregnancy pact of stupid bitches. The girls try to get pregnant, but why are the boys stupid enough to knock them up? Because the rotten little cunts are so fat and ugly and fish smelling that they would never get their precious fucking orgasm wearing a condom or pulling out with those trolls. Now the bitches are bragging about being pregnant AND famous…”We’re in Time magazine!!!” 17 years from now, the offspring of these tards are going to be in the same class fucking each other, making a 35 year old grandmother pact out of these cunts, carrying on the tradition. WTF is wrong with the world? With the invention of birth control, those intelligent enough to use it are not breeding, thus, only stupid ppl are breeding. Thank you Jamie Lynn, for the inspiration! ps why is her hair gray? Is that suppossed to make her look “mature” FAIL

  37. Joana

    By the time she’s 20, she’ll be slashing her wrists, feeling bitterly sorry for being so fond of “little routines”… Sure, babies are great, and when you’re a millionaire, everything is sunshine and rainbows, but she’s on the trainwreck path, just like her sister… Condom, anyone?

  38. Britney's Nappy Weave

    @36 – Apparantly YOU don’t have the CAPACITY for success judging by your spelling.

    @23 – Now that was some funny shit.

    This is such a joke. Trying to make teenage trailer trash into the virgin mary. Spare me! “It was so easy, and our life is SO great!” Yeah right! I give it a few months tops. She really does look old with those hillbilly highlights. She must have been so desperate to cover her black roots that she let someone down in bum-F LOOSiana do it. Horrid.

  39. NEV

    Because of her Im gonna allow my daughter to have a baby before she hits 16. I think its so awesome.

  40. Kelly

    Geeze-ass…she looks like she’s about 40 or 50 years old. Bad picture. Very bad picture.

  41. Kim Lardassian

    Stupid little uneducated slut – making having a baby as an educated teenager with zero achievement look cool – she is a nasty whore and slut and should be discouraging other little sluts from having kids cos its damn tough at any age, not saying how fucking cool it is.
    I fucking hope you read this Sluttie Lynn Spears.

  42. Princess

    at 39 youre clearly a dumb ugly bitch… first of all maybe you shouldnt be so preoccupied with the fact that i misspelled CAPACITY and focus more on the fact that you have no clue what a weave is…before you use derogatory terms maybe you should google them to learn what they actually mean. A weave is a strip of hair braided onto already long hair which britney doesnt have, theyre just extensions but dont worry i forgive you its not your fault you cannot afford to know what they are

  43. Khirschy Squirts

    Her old lady hair colour looks awesome!

  44. Uh-huh

    43, go back to tending your 6 children you started having at the age of 14. Sorry, but no one needs your wisdom here. Not that knowing what a weave is gives you some great knowledge of the world, we’ve all seen ANTM. So, turn off your 1995 windows computer and go back to the kitchen in your double wide and start cooking up some grits. No one cares about your opinion at the superficial.

  45. Princess

    its funny how you make me out to be a dumb poor person…
    i actually live in forest hill toronto which is the most expensive neightbourhood in canada. you clearly would never set foot there. also im on a new mac and have no children <3

  46. Kim

    Wow motherhood does turn your hair GRAY!!!

  47. mimi

    Dear Lord…

  48. Lindsay

    @ 27 and 35, and all the arrogant fuck heads that are talking about ‘upgrading to newer models’ will die alone, because no one loves you. No, no one ever will. You know why? YOU’RE FUCKING RETARDED You’d be lucky as fuck to have some old grandma sit on your shriveled tiny ass dick.

  49. Lindsay

    Anyways! Yeah They definitely tried to make her look older for this, take out all the sexiness (if she had any left) and gray her hair, girls may think ‘dam, she looks bad now’ instead of ‘omg i wanna pop a baby out my vj!’

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