Here’s some news that’s so retarded it has to be true: Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly pregnant again. Turns out no one told her breastfeeding isn’t a form of a birth control. Surprise! In the meantime, I can only assume Lynne Spears is waiting until Jamie Lynn is a mother of three to give her the sex talk. But, hey, that’s between them, God and an army of future rednecks pouring out of a teenage vagina. The National Enquirer reports:
“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
Her mother Lynne was livid when she found out, divulged an insider.
Okay, in all fairness, something similar happened to a friend of mine, so I’m going to tell Jamie Lynn the same thing I told her: “If I stole your car, drove to Mexico and changed my name to Juan Testiculos so I wouldn’t have to pay child support, how mad would you be? On a scale of 1 to – how do you start this thing?”
May these words provide comfort in your time of need,
The Superficial.
UPDATE: TMZ claims to have an “unimpeachable source” within the Spears camp that says Jamie Lynn is not pregnant. That said, The National Enquirer broke the news of her first pregnancy, and they were right. Time will tell, unless Lynne Spears “took care of it.” (Read: Sold the photo rights to OK!)
Haha | October 8, 2008 at 11:08 am
Haha, BIG suprise there…
Ha! | October 8, 2008 at 11:09 am
Haha slut
Geebus | October 8, 2008 at 11:09 am
BIG suprise there….
blp | October 8, 2008 at 11:12 am
She’s finally beaten her sister’s score on the slutometer
Anexio | October 8, 2008 at 11:13 am
OMgf that great news because now she have as many as brit and thats really good. when brit get haer stolan boys back they can sleep overs and stuff and get starb uscks to gether and things that are fun cause they deserve it and all that. I like her shoe flap th9ings and the cow plate on theyre car.
lolwutlol | October 8, 2008 at 11:15 am
moron.
Josh | October 8, 2008 at 11:15 am
Wow, what a freakin’ whore!
Hexum2600 | October 8, 2008 at 11:16 am
*stroke*
Sew. That. Shit. Closed.
Knowledge | October 8, 2008 at 11:16 am
Actually, breast feeding can be a form of birth control. However, not the way that Western women tend to do it. Basically, if the baby is allowed to drink whenever it wants (usually a little bit every half hour or so), hormones will be produced that prevent a second pregnancy while the first baby is still nursing. The irregular nursing that occurs in most cultures does not provide the same hormonal stimulus and therefore is not an effective means of birth control.
In other words – nice job, dummy.
daffy | October 8, 2008 at 11:21 am
That is both sad and fuckin’ hillarious.
When my daughter has her first sex -ed class at school they can use Jamie Lynn as the perfect example of “dumb people who have sex “
Nikky Raney | October 8, 2008 at 11:22 am
you are most fertile after you have a baby.
shes worse than her sis.
evan | October 8, 2008 at 11:24 am
I’m pretty sure I remember learning in Health Class that a breastfeeding woman can’t get pregnant. Now that I think about it, that’s probably not true, but at least it’s not something that she made up entirely on her own. “I heard you can’t get pregnant if you pray *really hard*”
Deacon Jones | October 8, 2008 at 11:24 am
Looks like the Bush administration’s “Abstinence Only” approach is really working, good job guys.
Arnold Schwartzpoontackle | October 8, 2008 at 11:24 am
Here is a picture of Jamie Lynn, unretouched:
http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/6614/jamielynnunretouchedjn0.jpg
Rough Daddy | October 8, 2008 at 11:26 am
Why not? if I was whats his face, and didnt have to work, id keep her bare feet and pregnant too…
myhusbandcallsmesquirt | October 8, 2008 at 11:26 am
I cannot believe people can be so stupid. Holy Shit. How sad.
#9 That is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard. No wonder our world is so fucked up. It’s filled with people like you.
Joan | October 8, 2008 at 11:27 am
Man! im from the dominican republic and i just visit this blog because of the way this guy put the celebrity issues…. “Juan Testiculos”….that was great!!! lol
myhusbandcallsmesquirt | October 8, 2008 at 11:28 am
#14. LMAO!!!! That was great. Thanks for the laugh!
John McCain | October 8, 2008 at 11:31 am
The only mom worse than Lynne Spears is Sarah Palin.
Brydie | October 8, 2008 at 11:39 am
If your baby is solely breastfed (that means NO formula) and eats whenever he/she wants (not when you want) day and night, then you have about a 2% chance of getting pregnant. However, this only works for about the first 6 months postpartum. Seriously, ask an ob/gyn.
And because I’m sure ya’ll will love this slogan: “Breast is best!”
gotmilk? | October 8, 2008 at 11:44 am
no. just no.
whatever, yo | October 8, 2008 at 11:46 am
#2, you can’t be a slut if you are sleeping with the same person.
Jackass!
Sport | October 8, 2008 at 11:51 am
white trash with cash.
alex | October 8, 2008 at 11:57 am
lol @ pic #4… did they forgot something in wal-mart?
Hunter | October 8, 2008 at 12:00 pm
TOO MANY BABIES!!!!
Scrotum | October 8, 2008 at 12:02 pm
The National Enquirer?
seriously?
Paragon | October 8, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Awesome, babe. Keep those milk jugs in business full time.
It’s dumb cows like this that make me believe in a future where we will have human milk farms.
Gera | October 8, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Yo no sé quien es más estúpido, si la tarada hermana de Britney o quien escribió la nota diciendo lo de “Juan testiculos”, nada que ver el ejemplo que mencionas, solo denotas ignorancia con aires de “chico malo”. CHTM.
OUCH | October 8, 2008 at 12:20 pm
#26 – exactly.
Since when are the tabloid rags sources?
Lipper | October 8, 2008 at 12:21 pm
TMZ just posted that she is not preggers. But who knows for sure.
Tom | October 8, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Did I miss when The National Enquirer became a quotable news source? Not that I’m doubting this story…
@[everyone calling her a slut] – like #22 said, you’re not a slut if you’re sleeping with the same person. She is, however, irresponsible. Both of those kids have 0 chance at a normal, healthy life. No chance. It’s a little sad.
mommaof2 | October 8, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Can’t blame the kids…..there’s not much to do in the country.
GG | October 8, 2008 at 12:33 pm
She sure does love the cock.
Superevil | October 8, 2008 at 12:33 pm
c’mon, RU-486s are cheap if you buy in bulk.
Alli | October 8, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Britney did the same thing, wouldn’t surprise me one bit… but really I don’t think this is true…. yet.
Parker | October 8, 2008 at 12:45 pm
oh I would dearly love to fuck Jamie Lynn’s tight little butt. If she wants to call me I promise will never knock her up!
Parker | October 8, 2008 at 12:48 pm
oh I would dearly love to fuck Jamie Lynn’s tight little butt. If she wants to call me I promise will never knock her up!
michelle | October 8, 2008 at 12:51 pm
haha, gotta love that sex education class she had in school… oh, wait, you mean she skipped it to fuck her boyfriend in the bathroom? oh, damn…
fgds | October 8, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Some shut the baby factory down!
Jammy | October 8, 2008 at 12:57 pm
That picture is exquisite!
mamadough | October 8, 2008 at 12:59 pm
i thought him sticking his dick in my vagina and cumming without protection wouldn’t get me pregnant. what the fuck? really? if you happen to be a retard, you should just stick to anal sex.
PunkA | October 8, 2008 at 1:08 pm
#22, how do you know she is just sleeping with 1 person. Plus, she is 16, already has 1 bastard child and is about to have a 2nd. Explain to me, please, how that is not being a slut.
Problem is, teens today think they are mature enough to have sex. But they are not smart enough to realize that getting knocked up happens, having a baby changes EVERYTHING, and are not mature enough to deal with all of that shit. So no, they are not mature enough to have sex because they are not mature enough to deal with the consequences.. Be smart teens and stay moral. Go oral.
Zoid Elpertclam | October 8, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I’m starting to suspect that Jamie Lynne is sexually abused by her dad. Who knows, rednecks are capable of doing stupid things.
Mia | October 8, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I think it is a cute look to wear a tank top under a strapless sundress. I’m not sure if I would wear such an outfit, but it works for Jamie.
freejose | October 8, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Holy crap. Birth control, dummy.
Me | October 8, 2008 at 1:45 pm
@16, #9 is right.
However, it should be noted that whenever your baby starts sleeping through the night, you’ll probably start ovulating again. Even if you’re still technically feeding your baby whenever he/she wants.
The bottom line is, even if you’re staying at home and have nothing better to do than feed your newborn, you probably won’t do it every half-hour without fail sooo – unless you’re feeling good about a set of irish twins – get yourself some b.c.
Needledick The Bug Fucker | October 8, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I thought about saying ….Howz about making sure of what you’re hating on before spouting your bullshit people. Nobody here even knows for sure, but you are all so fucking fast to spread your hatred, it’s {{creepy}}.
But I quickly came to my senses when I realized the fun that can come out of this …. Don’t get me wrong …. I think that first picture says it all for the
‘Coon-Ass-Spears-Clan’ ….. “Duhh …”
Also …. I wonder why her mom or sister never told her to put a condom on that nipple or else you could get pregnant from nursing …
I guess nobody’s read her that chapter in her momma’s book yet.
norton | October 8, 2008 at 1:53 pm
This is truly a family with class and pinache.
will | October 8, 2008 at 2:00 pm
My god, that face in the first picture….she’s like the poster child for dumb hillbillies.
Jessica | October 8, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Wow what a slut, Those poor babies