Here’s some news that’s so retarded it has to be true: Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly pregnant again. Turns out no one told her breastfeeding isn’t a form of a birth control. Surprise! In the meantime, I can only assume Lynne Spears is waiting until Jamie Lynn is a mother of three to give her the sex talk. But, hey, that’s between them, God and an army of future rednecks pouring out of a teenage vagina. The National Enquirer reports:
“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
Her mother Lynne was livid when she found out, divulged an insider.
Okay, in all fairness, something similar happened to a friend of mine, so I’m going to tell Jamie Lynn the same thing I told her: “If I stole your car, drove to Mexico and changed my name to Juan Testiculos so I wouldn’t have to pay child support, how mad would you be? On a scale of 1 to – how do you start this thing?”
May these words provide comfort in your time of need,
UPDATE: TMZ claims to have an “unimpeachable source” within the Spears camp that says Jamie Lynn is not pregnant. That said, The National Enquirer broke the news of her first pregnancy, and they were right. Time will tell, unless Lynne Spears “took care of it.” (Read: Sold the photo rights to OK!)