UPDATE: Jamie Lynn Spears done knocked herself up again

October 8th, 2008 // 96 Comments

Here’s some news that’s so retarded it has to be true: Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly pregnant again. Turns out no one told her breastfeeding isn’t a form of a birth control. Surprise! In the meantime, I can only assume Lynne Spears is waiting until Jamie Lynn is a mother of three to give her the sex talk. But, hey, that’s between them, God and an army of future rednecks pouring out of a teenage vagina. The National Enquirer reports:

“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
Her mother Lynne was livid when she found out, divulged an insider.

Okay, in all fairness, something similar happened to a friend of mine, so I’m going to tell Jamie Lynn the same thing I told her: “If I stole your car, drove to Mexico and changed my name to Juan Testiculos so I wouldn’t have to pay child support, how mad would you be? On a scale of 1 to – how do you start this thing?”

May these words provide comfort in your time of need,
The Superficial.

UPDATE: TMZ claims to have an “unimpeachable source” within the Spears camp that says Jamie Lynn is not pregnant. That said, The National Enquirer broke the news of her first pregnancy, and they were right. Time will tell, unless Lynne Spears “took care of it.” (Read: Sold the photo rights to OK!)

Photos: INFdaily.com
superficial

  1. Haha

    Haha, BIG suprise there…

  2. Ha!

    Haha slut

  3. Geebus

    BIG suprise there….

  4. blp

    She’s finally beaten her sister’s score on the slutometer

  5. Anexio

    OMgf that great news because now she have as many as brit and thats really good. when brit get haer stolan boys back they can sleep overs and stuff and get starb uscks to gether and things that are fun cause they deserve it and all that. I like her shoe flap th9ings and the cow plate on theyre car.

  6. lolwutlol

    moron.

  7. Josh

    Wow, what a freakin’ whore!

  8. Hexum2600

    *stroke*

    Sew. That. Shit. Closed.

  9. Knowledge

    Actually, breast feeding can be a form of birth control. However, not the way that Western women tend to do it. Basically, if the baby is allowed to drink whenever it wants (usually a little bit every half hour or so), hormones will be produced that prevent a second pregnancy while the first baby is still nursing. The irregular nursing that occurs in most cultures does not provide the same hormonal stimulus and therefore is not an effective means of birth control.
    In other words – nice job, dummy.

  10. daffy

    That is both sad and fuckin’ hillarious.

    When my daughter has her first sex -ed class at school they can use Jamie Lynn as the perfect example of “dumb people who have sex “

  11. Nikky Raney

    you are most fertile after you have a baby.

    shes worse than her sis.

  12. evan

    I’m pretty sure I remember learning in Health Class that a breastfeeding woman can’t get pregnant. Now that I think about it, that’s probably not true, but at least it’s not something that she made up entirely on her own. “I heard you can’t get pregnant if you pray *really hard*”

  13. Deacon Jones

    Looks like the Bush administration’s “Abstinence Only” approach is really working, good job guys.

  14. Why not? if I was whats his face, and didnt have to work, id keep her bare feet and pregnant too…

  15. I cannot believe people can be so stupid. Holy Shit. How sad.
    #9 That is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard. No wonder our world is so fucked up. It’s filled with people like you.

  16. Man! im from the dominican republic and i just visit this blog because of the way this guy put the celebrity issues…. “Juan Testiculos”….that was great!!! lol

  17. #14. LMAO!!!! That was great. Thanks for the laugh!

  18. John McCain

    The only mom worse than Lynne Spears is Sarah Palin.

  19. Brydie

    If your baby is solely breastfed (that means NO formula) and eats whenever he/she wants (not when you want) day and night, then you have about a 2% chance of getting pregnant. However, this only works for about the first 6 months postpartum. Seriously, ask an ob/gyn.
    And because I’m sure ya’ll will love this slogan: “Breast is best!”

  20. gotmilk?

    no. just no.

  21. whatever, yo

    #2, you can’t be a slut if you are sleeping with the same person.

    Jackass!

  22. Sport

    white trash with cash.

  23. alex

    lol @ pic #4… did they forgot something in wal-mart?

  24. Hunter

    TOO MANY BABIES!!!!

  25. Scrotum

    The National Enquirer?

    seriously?

  26. Paragon

    Awesome, babe. Keep those milk jugs in business full time.

    It’s dumb cows like this that make me believe in a future where we will have human milk farms.

  27. Gera

    Yo no sé quien es más estúpido, si la tarada hermana de Britney o quien escribió la nota diciendo lo de “Juan testiculos”, nada que ver el ejemplo que mencionas, solo denotas ignorancia con aires de “chico malo”. CHTM.

  28. OUCH

    #26 – exactly.

    Since when are the tabloid rags sources?

  29. Lipper

    TMZ just posted that she is not preggers. But who knows for sure.

  30. Tom

    Did I miss when The National Enquirer became a quotable news source? Not that I’m doubting this story…

    @[everyone calling her a slut] – like #22 said, you’re not a slut if you’re sleeping with the same person. She is, however, irresponsible. Both of those kids have 0 chance at a normal, healthy life. No chance. It’s a little sad.

  31. mommaof2

    Can’t blame the kids…..there’s not much to do in the country.

  32. GG

    She sure does love the cock.

  33. Superevil

    c’mon, RU-486s are cheap if you buy in bulk.

  34. Alli

    Britney did the same thing, wouldn’t surprise me one bit… but really I don’t think this is true…. yet.

  35. Parker

    oh I would dearly love to fuck Jamie Lynn’s tight little butt. If she wants to call me I promise will never knock her up!

  36. Parker

    oh I would dearly love to fuck Jamie Lynn’s tight little butt. If she wants to call me I promise will never knock her up!

  37. michelle

    haha, gotta love that sex education class she had in school… oh, wait, you mean she skipped it to fuck her boyfriend in the bathroom? oh, damn…

  38. fgds

    Some shut the baby factory down!

  39. Jammy

    That picture is exquisite!

  40. mamadough

    i thought him sticking his dick in my vagina and cumming without protection wouldn’t get me pregnant. what the fuck? really? if you happen to be a retard, you should just stick to anal sex.

  41. PunkA

    #22, how do you know she is just sleeping with 1 person. Plus, she is 16, already has 1 bastard child and is about to have a 2nd. Explain to me, please, how that is not being a slut.

    Problem is, teens today think they are mature enough to have sex. But they are not smart enough to realize that getting knocked up happens, having a baby changes EVERYTHING, and are not mature enough to deal with all of that shit. So no, they are not mature enough to have sex because they are not mature enough to deal with the consequences.. Be smart teens and stay moral. Go oral.

  42. Zoid Elpertclam

    I’m starting to suspect that Jamie Lynne is sexually abused by her dad. Who knows, rednecks are capable of doing stupid things.

  43. Mia

    I think it is a cute look to wear a tank top under a strapless sundress. I’m not sure if I would wear such an outfit, but it works for Jamie.

  44. Holy crap. Birth control, dummy.

  45. Me

    @16, #9 is right.

    However, it should be noted that whenever your baby starts sleeping through the night, you’ll probably start ovulating again. Even if you’re still technically feeding your baby whenever he/she wants.

    The bottom line is, even if you’re staying at home and have nothing better to do than feed your newborn, you probably won’t do it every half-hour without fail sooo – unless you’re feeling good about a set of irish twins – get yourself some b.c.

  46. Needledick The Bug Fucker

    I thought about saying ….Howz about making sure of what you’re hating on before spouting your bullshit people. Nobody here even knows for sure, but you are all so fucking fast to spread your hatred, it’s {{creepy}}.

    But I quickly came to my senses when I realized the fun that can come out of this …. Don’t get me wrong …. I think that first picture says it all for the
    ‘Coon-Ass-Spears-Clan’ ….. “Duhh …”
    Also …. I wonder why her mom or sister never told her to put a condom on that nipple or else you could get pregnant from nursing …
    I guess nobody’s read her that chapter in her momma’s book yet.

  47. norton

    This is truly a family with class and pinache.

  48. will

    My god, that face in the first picture….she’s like the poster child for dumb hillbillies.

  49. Jessica

    Wow what a slut, Those poor babies

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