Jamie Lynn Spears gets her own very special episode

December 21st, 2007 // 68 Comments
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Nickelodeon is planning a special on teen pregnancy after Jamie Lynn Spears star of the network’s Zoey 101 announced she was pregnant at 16. Nickelodeon is not sure whether to continue airing the kid-friendly show, but they want to address the issue of teen pregnancy in an educational way for young viewers and have brought in news veteran Linda Ellerbee, according to the Associated Press:

“I think it’s important that something be done,” Ellerbee told The Associated Press on Thursday. “But I think it’s important that it be done in a measured way, and not just to feed the beast of news stories.”

You know what would be a classy special? And I’m just spit-balling ideas here. Nickelodeon should have Jamie Lynn Spears stand silently on a stage wearing a scarlet letter while Britney Spears sings and dance around her. Then at the end a simple message will appear: “Teenage pregnancy: It’s even more retarded than Britney. For reals.” Damn, that’s almost too perfect. Chastity belts will be back in style again. That’s how perfect it is.

superficial

  1. fcukheads

    first fcukheads

  2. patrick

    Last!

  3. Superbad

    fuck Spears’ news

  4. teenage sluts rule

    whore

  5. Oh good lord, an ultra-liberal rant from Linda Ellerbee is probably the last thing young teens need to hear. They’ll be smoking pot while having orgies like it Woodstock all over again. Great idea, Nickelodeon!

  6. Tyler

    I would still tear that up, but it would be like touching your dick to the sun, it burns bad

  7. Auntie Kryst

    Smart move, little girls will be scared shitless upon viewing Linda Ellerbee.

  8. Gerald_Tarrant

    I’d say a PPV event where everyone get to gangbang this idiot. We’ll fuck her desire to ever have sex again right out of her.

  9. Tyler

    Do you think Nickelodeon would have aired this special if she would have gotten knocked up by a black guy?

  10. snowmelter

    if this special is to be on Nickelodeon, trademark green slime has to be involved somehow. perhaps used as afterbirth following the “miracle” of childbirth(?) kids will love it!

  11. #3 what do you mean “fuck spears news”? It’s the BEST news. It’s so sweet I’m diabetic now!!!!!

    Oh and love the slogan- “Teenage pregnancy: It’s even more retarded than Britney. For reals.” Waahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. me

    she was hotter when she was 12.

  13. Conscience Found

    i weep for jamie lynne and her family.

  14. #5 That crap never happened to me when I was a teen. I got jipped..

  15. freakwad

    i love reading up on spears’ drama!!

  16. RCA

    realize this…Zoey 101 didn’t have sex last Tuesday and announce she’s pregnant…this Ho-Cone has been banging away since she was AT LEAST 13…bet on it. Why do we care…she’s every bit a no-talent as her sister and will probably hit rehab faster…. I hope she has 12 kids and becomes a regular Ma Kettle…maybe she’ll go the Jessica Sierra route and do some porn…oh wait…SHE’S ONLY 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Change the channel please

  17. Mdiz

    What a fucked up family. Good job mom and dad.

  18. SpearsChuckingOverACliff

    Why can’t one of them just die. Billy Joel was right so long ago when he said only the good die young. They abuse children, take drugs, go to Starbucks and whatever else. On a different note I hear That Keith Richards is going to be god child to Jamie Lynn’s kid.

  19. Dee

    Unfitney and Jamie-Dim (aka dumb and dumber) are poster children for how to completely F-U your life at an early age. But to keep paying them for it is sending the wrong message. Trash is trash, there’s no point in promoting it to impressionable young women who follow them. The only thing these two do for the public is entertain us as we now know that they will do something that is bazaar to the rest of us almost daily. The horrible part in all of it is that these two losers have sadly involved children!

  20. The White Urkle

    The show should be of Jamie Lynne repeatedly taking it in the ass while she says, “girls, this hurts a lot less than pushing a kid out through your vagina.”

  21. i hope they do that thing that they did on that other show where the guy from Three’s Company died. it was a funny show that then became serious or something. i never watched the damn thing, but i heard James Garner came in and was on it. that’s what they should do here. because let’s face it, there isn’t a soul out there who connects better with the youth of america than James Garner.

  22. lila

    You know I am not one to judge the comments on here, but some people are just stupid (you know who you are, you are thinking of cussing at me right now.) It’s not Britney’s fault, it’s not God’s fault or in some ways their mom’s fault, it’s hers (Jamie-Lynn’s.) She laid down, she chose to have sex and now she will pay the consequences and kids aren’t cheap, good thing she is a well paid celebrity. It will be unfortunate if another (Spears) child has to pay for their mom’s stupid antics. She better just get the hell out of the limelight now and as far away from her sister as she can. As for the boyfriend, time to man up and take care of your spawn. As for the teenage pregnancy after school special….uh no, just do an episode where she has to “go away” for a while.

  23. gomer

    The Spears family: More retarded than George Bush!!

  24. Mal Reynolds

    #20, pretty funny for a stolen joke.

  25. Mal Reynolds

    It is still not too late for this fucktard to realize that a kid will ruin her, have an abortion and then ride the sympathy train when she announces she had a miscarriage.
    OH the shock! Oh the tragedy! Let’s all pity Jamie, and give her an even better TV show

  26. PepeJ

    pretty cool that she is standing up for what she believes according to her new blog.
    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2316383

  27. LL

    Guess I’m showing my age, but I’m not sure why I should give a shit about this. Linda Ellerbee thinks “it’s important that something be done.” Why? People are talking about this like it’s the World Trade Center attack or a subway bombing in London. A 16-yr-old got knocked up. Christ, everybody needs to sit down and have a big steaming cup of calm the fuck down.

    And here’s an idea for all the “kid channels.” Stop putting teenage girls in your shows. Teenage girls who will eventually have sex and might get pregnant or pose nude. Stick to cartoon characters. They never get pregnant or hooked on drugs. I don’t think we ever have to worry about Dora the Explorer. We’ll never see the extra special episode where Dora learns about birth control.

  28. sss

    Naked pictures of Hayden Pannettiere on Budaily.com right now!!1

  29. Auntie Kryst

    If this special Zooey episode does well it could be nominated for a Nickelodeon Kids’ (pro)Choice Award?

  30. ph7

    Better get those Tara Reid wrinkled skeleton pictures taken on Tuesday posted – they are friggin great!

  31. Scotty Four Fingers

    This is a joke. The bad part is that Britney and this snatch were the two successful sperms. The rest of them must have been in some seriously bad shape. If they had succeeded, in stead of the Spears sisters it would be Nelson.

  32. Scotty Four Fingers

    This is a joke. The bad part is that Britney and this snatch were the two successful sperms. The rest of them must have been in some seriously bad shape. If they had succeeded, in stead of the Spears sisters it would be Nelson.

  33. They should just re-do that one Silver Spoons episode about teen pregnancy only make it Zoey 101, and that other goofy kid on there can play the part of the Rickster

    “That’s not good for the baby! Stop doing cheers!”

    Whatever, you know what I mean..

  34. kirsten dunst

    you’d think in this holiday spirit people might actually have something better to talk about. but i guess america really is that bad off. as uncle sam once said ‘i want YOU to spend a lot to prove you love your family. and when youre not doing that, spend your time on useless celebrity blogs’ hey i guess i’m pretty guilty myself. happy holidays guys.

  35. anon

    “As for the boyfriend, time to man up and take care of your spawn.”

    As long as he’s given a fair chance to and not denied access by a vindictive ex who’ll then tell everyone he doesn’t want to see his kid so she can play the victim just a little bit longer. And the courts will back her up as they are as sexist as the media that’ll portray her as a single struggling mum like they have been with shitney even though she doesn’t have custody so therefore a deadbeat mum.

    Like Jamie is starting to look like already!?! But there’s still hope for this girl, well the kid…

    miscarriage

  36. Regab

    Their older brother must be so very very embarrassed to be related to these two fucktard whores.

  37. shanipie

    I saw that issue become the number one seached item, and jumped to the top of the parents concerns list because of her.
    I think it scared a lot of parents. Here is a girl who is suppose to be a decent
    good girl with every advantage, but she turns out to be a stupid little slut.

  38. Gerald_Tarrant

    @33 – Wasn’t that the episode where Ricky and Alfonso took turns banging Erin Gray until the butler came in and finished her off?

    Yeah, good memories of those shows.

  39. #38 no, you are thinking of a different one. But that one was funny too..

  40. lils

    Ooohh what a great message for girls. Teen Pregnancy = free publicity, 1 million dollars for a picture of your bastard and a whole episode devoted to you. Reality is that mostly pregnant teens are kicked out of their houses without a penny, but Jamie Lynn will be now richer and more famous that ever. Not such a fuss when Keisha Castle-Hughes got pregnant, she had the baby quietly and moved on. And she still does movies. Same about Kiersten Warren.

  41. ph7

    Fish should set up a Paypal donation link to raise money for the abortion.

    Seriously.

  42. ph7

    And, continuing, Linda Ellerbee should do a special on why pregnancy termination is the proper choice for a 16 year old.

  43. Mal Reynolds

    35. anon?? Are you one of those jilted dad’s who believes the world is set against men? So you go through all kinds of paroxysms to prove it to people, meanwhile bemoaning your lost manhood and saving up for your foreskin replacement surgery?
    Get over it. There are inequalities between the genders. Be grateful you can piss standing up and aren’t awash in emotion-inducing hormones.

  44. D. Richards (Surgeon.)

    No! I’ve got it. Nickelodean? Listen up..

    The show starts with Jamie-Lynn’s fictional boyfriend leaving her home. A very content Zoey Brooks (I didn’t know either. I looked it up.) is falling asleep in her bed. A few days later something’s wrong! No period. But Nickelodean can mask the period by saying something like Zoey’s ‘present never came’. Something like that. Zoey tries to hide the pregnancy for a while but she can’t take the pressure and she hates lying so she finally comes clean and tells her mother. Everyone is furious with little zoey. Long story short, and the moral of the story, the end of the episode shows Jamie-Lynn sitting on her bed crying. She sobs the last lines almost incoherently: ‘If only I had just blown him! Why didn’t I just blow him?!’

    Then the show cuts to a disclaimer that describes the virtues of sodomy.

  45. D. Richards progeny

    Damn progenitor, sounds like that’s how you became so popular in school. Utilizde ALL the cock holes. The boys may not like me for my personality and the looks thing is DEFinately out, but hey, I can get the guys off in more ways than the pretty girls.
    Mom, I left you a message on the Jessica Simpson post, btw.
    Kisses, clone baby U

  46. Aerobella

    And if given a free reign to speak to teens and tweens news veteran Linda Ellerbee will run around screaming abort abort.. turn gay.. eat no meat, drink water, turn off the lights, walk everywhere, don’t wipe after pooping.. hate Bush!

  47. #5 Beam, putting “Linda Ellerbee” and “orgy” anywhere near each other in a paragraph is a sure way to destroy my libido. Also, my albedo. I’ve already destroyed my speedo, but that was by public consensus.

  48. Tapeworm

    Will someone please slap this goddamn greasy cow for me?

  49. 21st century digital boy

    #40. lils wins the prize for being exactly right.

    As we all know, teenage girls have no interest in becoming the center of attention, so I’m sure they’re going to listen very hard to some sermonizing and ignore the cause and effect relationship about getting pregnant and how Lynn Spears gets a whole TV show episode devoted to her. This could in no way backfire.

    The only way some very special episode might work is if they cut to Lynn’s character three years later as an overweight, haggard, zombie working double shifts at a diner to make ends meet.

  50. Policeman Bob

    They should also have a special called: “Rape: Stat! Stat! Stat!”

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