March 17th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Bertney's Smurkurr!
Britney Spears Belly Midriff Sweatpants David Lucado Smartcar
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Not unlike the Nickelodeon exec who (allegedly) knocked her up, I forget Jamie Lynn Spears is a person who exists in real life. But apparently 31-year-old “businessman” Jamie Watson did not because he married her over the weekend. Us Weekly reports:

Spears, 22, and Watson, 31, arrived with their families at the Audobon Tea Room Garden two hours before saying “I do” for a quick rehearsal, an insider tells Us Weekly. (Although big sister Britney and her boyfriend David Lucado stayed back at their hotel.) At around 6:30 p.m. (and after the bride-to-be got ready!), guests began to arrive and were seated in white chairs for the 7 p.m. ceremony.
The intimate wedding was a family affair as Jamie’s daughter Maddie, 5, walked down the aisle first in a white dress as the flower girl. Her cousins, Britney’s sons Sean, 8, and Jayden, 7, followed close behind wearing black tuxedos and white bow ties. (Maddie is Jamie’s daughter with ex Casey Aldridge.) Britney, 32, donned a silver ensemble for the special occasion.

Here’s where it gets fun. If you read any of the eight million reports online, they all conspicuously dance around who was in the bridal party because there wasn’t one. No bridesmaids or groomsmen. Which I suppose is the nicest way to politely exclude the person whose money paid for everything yet can’t be trusted to walk a straight line or stand in one spot for more than three seconds.

“Am I’mma gonna be in your weddin’, Germylynn?”
“Well, no, nobody is. But do I have an extra special job for you.”
“Ooh, what is it?”
“Purtiest people sitter.”
“Yay! Wait. Do people sitters get… make-up?”
“They do.”
“Can they eat it?”
“They cannot.”

Photos: Instagram / FameFlynet


  1. coljack

    “Jamie Lynn, how many blowjobs did Hillary Duff bet you it would take to get him to propose?”

  2. She has lost her looks.

  3. Slash

    I guess I’m dumb (or have more of a life than I thought): I thought this dipshit was already married. Maybe I got her confused with Bertney, who’s been married how many times now? 2? 3? 5? I honestly don’t know.

  4. Cock Dr

    Good luck with that.

  5. Juano

    At some point, this Bertney stuff isn’t funny anymore. It’s just snarky.

  6. Jamie Lynn Spears Fat Weight Gain Legs Miniskirt Rubber Boots Mother Lynne Spears
    Commented on this photo:

    “But, Momma, that woman over there ain’t wearin’ a bazzier…does that mean I don’t haveta neither?”

  7. Aside from the bruises on her legs from rasslin’ with Jimmy Duke and his brothers, she looks sort of cute.

  8. So Jamie Lynn Spears is marrying Jamie Watson. How convenient. When they’re fucking they can call out their own name and no one will be the wiser.

  9. Swearin

    Okay I was never awesome at math, but if her daughter is 5, and she is 22, and the web tells me the girl’s father (her ex) graduated high school in 2007, making him 18…then he was 20 when he knocked up a 17 year old. But that’s probably okay in Tennessee, I’m guessing?

  10. lawn

    Jamie and Jamie. Poor Bertney is a-gonna be mightily con-foozed!

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