Jamie Lynn Spears’ Daughter Is Alive And Talking. What? How?

If you’ve been following the story of Jamie Lynn Spears’ daughter Maddie’s ATV accident these past few days, absolutely nothing about it sounded good, and it only got worse as more details emerged. Via PEOPLE:

According to a statement by Tangipahoa Parish Sheriff Daniel Edwards and obtained by PEOPLE, the accident occurred shortly before 3:00 p.m. on Sunday afternoon. Contrary to earlier reports, the crash did not take place during a hunting trip, but on the family property, in full view of the singer-songwriter and her husband, Maddie’s stepfather Jamie Watson.
The child was apparently steering the Polaris ATV about 100 yards from her parents when she took a hard right to avoid running over a nearby drainage ditch. “In doing so, she overcorrected causing the ATV to enter the pond,” the report reads. “The ATV and child were instantly submerged in the water right before their eyes.”
“Within seconds the child’s mother, stepfather and other family members reached the pond, dove in and attempted to rescue the child to no avail. The child was trapped and secured by the seatbelt and the ATV’s safety netting. Within two minutes, Acadian Ambulance Services arrived and assisted in freeing the child from the cold waters.”

Maddie was unconscious when she arrived at the hospital on Sunday, so all of this looked pretty bad. Except maybe she’s Wolverine because she woke up yesterday and is fine. She’s totally fine. (Wait, isn’t this how The Dead Zone started?)

“Doctors were able to remove the ventilator today and she is awake and talking. Maddie continues to receive oxygen and is being monitored closely but it appears that she has not suffered any neurological consequences from the accident.”

Of course, now might seem like the time to ask what the hell a nine-year-old was doing driving an ATV by herself – which is right in the manual not to do – but don’t even bother because this whole thing is already being chalked up to magic. Apparently God likes to almost kill your kid, then go “Just kidding!” to let you know much he loves you and what he’s capable of if you ever try to leave him. Hallelujah!

Now let him see your phone. Who you texting?

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