Jamie Dornan Will Pull Dakota Johnson’s Pubes For Your Mom Now

So remember when I said Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the new Christian Grey? Just kidding, it’s whoever the fuck Jamie Dornan is. More importantly, Deadline reports it was almost Alexander Skarsgard who I’ll just assume got tired of starring in shitty porn that tries to pretend it’s not porn, but everybody knows it’s porn. Plus this would happen:

“How was the first day of shooting?”
“We spent $8 billion on c-sections.”
“I see. Could you excuse me for a minute?” *burns everything down for the insurance money*

Photos: Getty, Splash News