Jamie Dornan Will Pull Dakota Johnson’s Pubes For Your Mom Now

October 24th, 2013 // 14 Comments
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So remember when I said Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the new Christian Grey? Just kidding, it’s whoever the fuck Jamie Dornan is. More importantly, Deadline reports it was almost Alexander Skarsgard who I’ll just assume got tired of starring in shitty porn that tries to pretend it’s not porn, but everybody knows it’s porn. Plus this would happen:

“How was the first day of shooting?”
“We spent $8 billion on c-sections.”
“I see. Could you excuse me for a minute?” *burns everything down for the insurance money*

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. JC

    And yet, I fear this movie’s still going to make a mint, no matter which talentless nobodies or child-husbands they cast in it.

    • Dox

      It’s one of those inevitable culture train wrecks that happen. Like Disco, The Star War’s Prequel’s, The birth of Kim Karashian and her two troglodyte sisters, Melanie Griffith deciding that “a little plastic surgery sounds like a good idea”, The Flowbee, Members Only, The Mullet, Barney, Elmo, and anything with Ashton Kutcher in it.

  2. Cock Dr

    Are U sure there isn’t a character in that 50 Shades dirge perhaps called “the dorky newspaper delivery boy”?

  3. brick

    Aha! He played the psycho killer dude in “The Fall”. Cool 5 episode British series. Check it out on Netflix. It has the X-files chick in it too and it’s good.

  4. anonymous

    This movie is going to suck so bad. Two unknown actors who’ve never taken the lead in a movie are getting paid minimum Hollywood wages to do softcore porn. This crap should just go straight to Cinemax.

  5. Jamie Dornan New Christian Grey Shirtless Amelia Warner Bikini
    Hey Fella, Are You George Zimmerman?
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s better to be a little, skinny what’s-it, with big banan-er feet, than a rolly-polly pudding, that nobody wants to meet.

  6. Jamie Dornan New Christian Grey Shirtless Amelia Warner Bikini
    Hey Fella, Are You George Zimmerman?
    Commented on this photo:

    OK. Looking at this guy, I’m a little confused. Is he playing Christian Grey, or one of the dildos.

  7. inkydinky

    50 Shades of Gay.

  8. Jamie Dornan New Christian Grey Shirtless Amelia Warner Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s Ashton Kutcher without the talent… (scratch that last part) He’s Ashton Kutcher!

  9. Jenn

    A porno made from dirty fanfic based on the characters from Twilight. This movie will be fabulous..ly awful.

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