James Blunt has magic powers

June 8th, 2006 // 331 Comments





  1. Fa Cube Itches

    Ari: oops, you dripped some grape juice. Better let me erm, *clean* that for you…

  2. HarryNipples

    Is this a fucking joke?? Who the hell is this dork, and why does it look like he’s being stalked by a bunch of Slovakian supermodels….??

    Ok, ok, I will ask the question does he have a 12″ cock or something???

  3. Fa Cube Itches


    Just noticed this…

    Check out how hard the guy next to her in Pic. 2 is suckin’ in the ol’ gut-aroo. Well, I *suppose* it could be “beach day” at Auschwitz….

  4. He’s not good looking (see above), his songs are terrible and sound like he had his testicles removed, and he’s not a good person (cheated on two girlfriends). Clearly there’s mind control going on here. I think it’s time for a government intervention. We need to save this poor girl!

  5. ChickenScratch

    Good Evening, the baby is asleep and I’m on Patrol…
    Who is this guy? I thought he was Beck at first.
    I admire a model who has a better grip than a man during a Tsunami, I shouldn’t have said that…I’m going to hell.

  6. HollyJ

    Did they go on a Senior’s Cruise to Old Hag Island? They’re surrounded by the geriatric ward. WTF?

    Note to self: When I retire a saggy old broad, go to Ibiza on vacation.

    In that last pic, gramps is thinking “Young whipper-snapper!…Or was it young whippable snapper?”

  7. TaiTai

    The local TV station where I live has been playing his song “You’re Beautiful” about 10 times a day, plus commercials for the Miss USA pageant. I am so glad that pageant is over so I will not ever have to hear that bleating goat-voiced assclown sing ever ever again. I hope he jumps off a cliff.

  8. fifi_butchymuscle

    Oh come on guys, this phenomenon is hardly new..
    Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley
    Rod Stewart and Penny Whatshername
    Seal and Heidi Klum
    It seems that supermodels just want guys who can sing and/or play an instrument.

    I personally am against it, as seeing high profile hot women with revolting looking men only makes it harder for regular chicks. If Mr Beer Gut with a Mullet thinks he should be landing hotties like that….. well… we are all doomed.

  9. Maybe she’s one of those beautiful people, who feel really insecure about their looks and standing next to short, ugly guy, she can at least be sure that she’s the prettier one of the two.

  10. Sheva

    Shit, how did Tom Green score Petra?
    She looks great, I love her color.

  11. Sir Psycho Sexy

    Weird Al on Blunt. I still have no fucking clue who this Hobbit is, …


  12. sweetcheeks

    “Magic powers” my ass. More like: James Blount has “a steady supply of cocaine and completely non-threatening slightly flabby thirteen year old boy body.”

    I find that models like to surround themselves with people less attractive. And they like to do lots of blow. If they can SCORE the blow for FREE via an ugly, pasty, ass-kissing puss musician of a boyfriend, well, that’s just icing on the supermodel cake.

  13. sweetcheeks

    Icing they’ll inevitably scrape off before secretly scarfing down the entire cake only and throwing it up later. Then it’s back to their busy schedules of sleeping, drinking, snorting more lines and standing around looking beautiful.

    God I wish I were a supermodel.

  14. sweetcheeks

    Or an astronaut. Astronauts get a lot of free blow too, right?

  15. popegoestheweasel

    On behalf of all pasty white boys out there I say you GO James. Gives us a faint glimmer of hope. LOL

  16. N. Visible Man Jr.

    Wait, ya’ll are saying there’s a man in this picture somewhere. I can’t see him…it must be my dad…and she must be my mom…and those have to be mine then! Hahahahahahahha!…Oh sorry.

  17. LaurenH

    OMG… that last picture just seriously helped me get over my hangover and the fact I have to be at work the next 9 hours… he is a frickin midget!!! I mean thats absolutely absurd she likes him… I guess he has a good voice… thats about it from what it looks like!!

  18. pinky_nip

    He reminds me of the guy in our mailroom at work. Who likes to sniff my mail and rub himself against the postage machine.

    I’d take anthrax over some of the stuff I’ve found on my envelopes.

  19. TrannyGranny


    Do you know what I like about models? As long as you keep them coked up and don’t mind them puking a lot, you can essentially keep them bent over all day long, and put it wherever you want. When they toss, I tell them I’m trying to keep their hair clean, but I’m really just pulling it for fun. Fuck, I’m still drunk, aren’t I? Going back to bed. Enjoy work, fuktards!

  20. RichPort

    That’s his towel, he uses it to hypnotize her. Now she’s using it to try to hypnotize that old man into giving her his wallet. Shouldn’t she be scared shitless of the beach? Not a palm tree in sight for her to hold on to…

  21. frenchtoaststix

    Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on June 8, 2006 07:58 PM

    Life sucks. Petra’s one of those rare “supermodels” that actually live up to the hype, she doesn’t look like a teenage boy in drag or use cocaine as a nasal decongestant. Blunt is in major denial about his homosexuality, and he has the beginnings of a comb-over going on. Normally I cheer when the little guy, average joe, common man, what-have-you does good – but Blunt?? He sings like his testicles are in a frozen vice and being nibbled by spiteful chipmunks. This is so wrong, so depressing, that I fear I shan’t even masterbate today.

    UNWASHED, I love you. Are you a guy? Let’s get married.

  22. Petra stop it! First Bruce Willis and now James Blunt – leave some for the rest of us, woman!

  23. ob1

    #44. “You wouldn’t see me on a windy day near a kiddie pool.”


    This makes me angry.

    Even the old wrinkly bastard in the last pic is looking at the both of them like he’s with her, “What the fuck”.

  24. Italian Stallion

    I heard he wants to try his luck in acting now. They want him to play the little boy who drank “Jesus Juice” with Micheal Jackson. I could be mistaken, but I think it’s gonna be called “Neverland”……….

  25. pinky_nip

    Ibiza? Looks more like Miami Beach with all the geriatrics. And why is everyone so CLOSE?

  26. N. Visible Man Jr.

    Petra doesn’t need a towel to hypnotize people.

  27. Chicagoboy

    My chick magnet skills must not be up to par if this pale-faced hobbit can pick up supermodels. Either that, or supermodels are really dumb. And like men smaller than they are.

  28. katie

    did you see her last BF that died in the Tsunami. he was half a shade of gay too. maybe she likes pseudo homosexuals. she is czech or from some other eastern european country where the men look like women yet treat their women like shit. i also, for some reason, doubt shes the sharpest knife in the drawer.

  29. David Spade and James Blunt are in this together. Think about it – how often do you see two midgety men strutting it on the beach, with these gorgeous women who are too blinded by their pasty whiteness to realize what they’re doing? And we’ve been hit with two pictures of this in one week.

    Once these human Oompa Loompas have perfected the formula, they will bottle it and hawk it on QVC.

  30. Chicagoboy

    Wait! Is Petra the chick that got stuck in the palm tree for like a month after the tsumani hit? Wow. She is brave to get near the water again. . . maybe that’s why she decided to date the mini-Blunt, fear of heights. . .

  31. They reminde me of that couple from the show “Lost” aparently a short doofy boyfriend is the new black.

  32. ob1

    You guys are way off. They aren’t together.

    It’s obvious they’re simply shooting a scene for “Cocoon 3″. Duh

  33. N. Visible Man Jr.

    I can do short and doofy

  34. bigponie

    only one logical explanation to all this madness, James Blunt is Harry Potter and his put a spell/curse on her.

  35. pinky_nip

    @134: I’m counting the days until Harry Potter is “legal”. Blunthead has nothing on my magic boy.

  36. Chicagoboy


    It’s not the size of the wand, it’s the magic inside?

  37. TruJrzyGrl

    I hate having to sound so harsh, but if it weren’t for the Tsunami I would have never known who this girl is. And, I do love models, celebrities and the A-listers, but I tend to follow the “Big wiggers” and not the little ones … Cindy Crawford, Heidi Klum, Shalom Harlow, Tyra, Elle, etc ….

  38. TruJrzyGrl

    They look like, “Beauty & The Beast” … “The Princess and the Geek” !! haaa !!!!

  39. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I like that part in his video when he jumps off the cliff. I wish that there was a big pile of broken glass at the foot of the cliff rather than cool ocean water. That would make the video much more relevant.

  40. RichPort

    She’s obviously now legally blind. Maybe all that floating debris disloged the part of her brain that controls eyesight, depth perception and the inate extreme aversion most of us have to hideousness (I would add intelligence, but let’s face it, she’s model… probably not the brightest candle on the ol’ menorah). The towel is probably brightly colored to make her spot there on Coney Island beach easier to find.

  41. N. Visible Man Jr.

    I can do spells/curses…

  42. bigponie

    hey pinky_nip, did you know that Harry Potter’s wizard name is “Harry Pot-head”?

    Dobie, the house slave gave him the name cause they hide in the dungeons and whip-up magical dobbies sorta like the indians smokin’ the peace pipe.

  43. lucycharms

    I wish James Blunt could magically become hot.

    also get some sun before you hit the beach with a model…

    you’re so translucent…. I’m blinded.

  44. outrageous.opinion

    Isnt it strange that they are on that rocky, crowded as hell, beach? No chairs? no coolers? Did some ship just drop them off there for day camp?

  45. ellaminnowpea

    @142 Maybe his name should be spelled Doobie! They were just trying to keep it PG for the younguns!

  46. ScriptRadar

    They can both go to hell. Him: for getting her. Her: for wanting to be got by him. Hell, I say.

  47. spatz

    you people need to stop hating all over coney island.

  48. spatz

    137 you’d be right on the money if this were 1995.

  49. Evangelia

    i hate being sick.

    p.s. i’d fuck that bitch. she’s hot.

  50. Libraesque

    isn’t he the guy that sings some pansy ass song about wanting to go home?????

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