James Franco Says Lindsay Lohan Keeps Failing At Life Because She Gets Book Deals. Why Not?

December 18th, 2012 // 17 Comments
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If you’re like me, you just assume Lindsay Lohan‘s drug and alcohol problems can be traced back to being raised/exploited by a pack of shitbags who’d sell one of her tampons if it gained them a buck. Turns out James Franco has a different theory which he shared with MTV News while promoting the R.E.M. video starring Lindsay (above):

MTV: It seems like every few months there’s a setback for her.
Franco: I haven’t talked to her in a long time because it seemed like she was getting into some more trouble. I’ve tried to help her. I think one of the reasons it’s so hard is when she gets in trouble, she gets all this attention and I’m sure she gets book offers. Like she goes to jail, and instead of feeling like I really hit a low place, she’ll get a crazy offer for her jail memoir.

Keep in mind, Lindsay Lohan has written exactly zero books (Pocketing advances? I can see it.), but just in case it’s not perfectly clear that James Franco and everyone involved with this project is high off their face, here’s how she even ended up in the video. Fart-sniffing, HOOOOOO!!!

I had been writing some poems about the Chateau Marmont and one or two of the poems involved Lindsay. I said to [photographer] Terry [Richardson], ‘I have this text, and it would be great to have some images to go with it. We should do a project where you use the images you shot of me at the Chateau and images you shot of Lindsay at the Chateau and put them together with this text.’ And he said, ‘Yeah that’s cool, but let’s do one more shoot with you guys together.’ So I said, ‘All right,’ and we had planned it for the night before the Oscars.
That night before the Oscars we did a final run through of the show and I was just so depressed because I knew it was not good. So I told Terry, look I can’t do the shoot tonight, I’m tired, and I just can’t do the shoot with Lindsay. But she was already there at the Chateau! So he shot her, but I wasn’t actually there, I’ve known Lindsay for a while. It was at a moment where it seemed like she was doing OK. We’d have conversations on the phone, and she seemed like she was doing OK.

So James Franco was writing poems about Terry Richardson‘s coke den when he made a conscious decision to hire Lindsay Lohan because she seemed sober over the phone? Clearly we’re dealing with a man who has keen insight far beyond us mere plebeians. “Well, you see, I was writing a poem about the wind the other day, and that’s when I realized, wait, if kites can harness this strange force for flight, then surely I can with my mind. My magic, magic mind. To the belltower!”


  1. stratacat

    someday, someone somewhere is going to pop a cap in his ass and on that day, no one will be bitching about gun control. /fantasy

  2. joe

    Can she even read or write?

  3. hijkmno

    i wan’t my 5 minutes and 48 seconds back.

  4. USDA Prime McBeef

    Except for nightswimming, REM sucks. And i swear Stipe was full blown like 10 years ago. How’s he not dead? Goddamn Pfizer.

  5. Deacon Jones

    She looks like she got a hold of some really good heroin

    And that song was awesome (tosses Led Zeppelin collection over shoulder)

  6. Cock Dr

    That video put me in a coma.

  7. Uh, James Franco usually appears to be stoned and unwashed… Although he doesn’t have the criminal record of Lindsay, I think he should refrain from judging other people!

  8. I’m wondering about the pose at the 2:40 mark in the video:

    • Lindsay peeing in a washing machine?
    • Perhaps guarding against unauthorized pussy photos?
    • Trying to complete an electronic connection between her snatch and her head?
    • Teasing the cameraman?
    • Hiding the fact that she’s got a tremendous boner? Yep, I think that’s the ticket. I’m going with that. And that’s my final answer.

    [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/18/Lohan – REM-340_256.jpg[/img]

  9. “I had been writing some poems about the Chateau Marmont”? Half the time I can’t tell reality from parody any more, which I take as one of the signs that, despite appearances, civilization has, in fact, collapsed.

  10. Bebe

    I normally like James Franco, but anyone that friendly with Terry Richardson deserves what he gets.

  11. I love how James Franco admits that he essentially gave up on his Oscar hosting duties a whole day before the actual telecast. Instead of midway through the telecast, as we had all assumed was the case.

  12. oldfool

    His poetry is WINNING!!!!!

  13. WOW! That was AWFUL!

  14. El Jefe

    She looks pretty bangable here. I would throw her a couple of hundred, hell $500 for her time.

    Also, fuck James Franco.

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