James Franco Likes What Shia LaBeouf’s Butt Is Cooking

February 20th, 2014 // 13 Comments

*inhales deeply* “I’m getting notes of bean burrito, smoky broccoli tannins, a truly complex bouquet, you?”

Posted by Photo Boy

James Franco has not only entered Shia LaBeouf‘s fart cloud, he’s become one with it, grafting his very essence to it, farting it back out and inhaling it so deeply that he’ll never not smell anus forever. In an attempt to make an academic analysis of what is really just an assclown doing assclownery, Franco penned an op-ed for The New York Times delivering unto us mere philistines his hypothesis for this Shia situation:

Participating in this call and response is a kind of critique, a way to show up the media by allowing their oversize responses to essentially trivial actions to reveal the emptiness of their raison d’être. Believe me, this game of peek-a-boo can be very addictive.

Oh, we positively do believe you, dear James. Muahahaha! Now be a sport and pass the cigarillos. If we hurry and finish our decopage, we might make it to Shia’s new space. I hear he’s pooping into a tophat and using it to fingerpaint the Tranformers script onto torn out pages from The Quran. Simply divine!

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. JC

    I have a brilliant performance piece I’d like to suggest both Franco and Beef do together. It will be called, “We Are Enclosed in an Air-Tight Tank That Is Being Filled With Poison Gas.” It will be a biting statement on society’s desire for these shitheads to go away.

  2. “James, I still just smell farts. Are you sure I’m doing this right?”
    “You should get a PhD. Don’t worry though, I’ve got a guy. Take you a couple of months, tops.”

  3. Danimal

    I still am not convinced these two are not the same person.

  4. hilarious write up, Photo Boy.

  5. JohnnyP

    Actually, the true story behind the quote is this:
    He typed “Remember that meme of the monkey sticking his finger up his butt, then sniffing it and falling off his branch? Yeah, that.”
    He then ran the quote through his Harold Pinter app to get a suitable Pinteresque quote to send to the NYT.
    He was so pleased with the results, he gleefully masturbated and came on a photo of himself in drag while sucking his own toes.
    For realz.

  6. Shocking, the biggest douchebag in the world like the stuff the other biggest douchebag in the world does. That photo above is perfect, he literally is the poster boy for fart sniffers.

  7. Shia LaBeouf Short Sweatpants Womens Ugg Boots
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    The bum down the street is even embarrassed with your fashion.

  8. MZ MIZRY

    francos got boobs as big as kates.

  9. I had no idea vacuous stares could cross each other.

  10. occam

    Shia and Franco should put some shit in paper bags, put them on their head, light them on fire and knock on stranger’s doors. would people put them out?

  11. Tyrol3

    After watching one of his stoner comedies I always forget what a pretentious, wannabe intellectual poser Franco can be.

  12. Jenn

    I kinda have to wonder WTF went on over at those dumbass kids’ networks’ labs back in the day for both LaDouche and Bynes to lose their shit within the space of a few months. Have the warranties gone out in their sanity chips or what?

  13. Nobody needs this explained, James. Everybody over the age of 5 recognizes “take my ball and go home”.

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