Jake Gyllenhaal is apparently a tough guy now

January 8th, 2009 // 34 Comments

Remember when Jake Gyllenhaal would always play the role of the wistful outcast teenager who mumbled all his lines? Well, somebody just sold that kid some steroids. I’m not about to point any fingers here, but if Reese Witherspoon doesn’t fit the M.O. of a drug dealer, then I just gave the cops a really bad tip. And might’ve told them her chin was a deadly weapon.

I’m going to Google non-extradition countries now.

Photos: Splash News
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  1. OMGAHARD

    fucking first bitches and he is hot

  2. me

    Anyone posting after me sucks on Jake Gyllenhaal’s brokeback penis and swallows his juices

  3. banana

    What’s up with that other dude’s vericous veins? BARF!

  4. combustion8

    he’s not even that big.

  5. seriously

    @2: I will stab you in the cheek, you unimaginative cunt.

  6. STINK

    I keep associating him with that crappy movie where the Trix Rabbit torments him.

    Yes, it’s a crappy movie. Deal with it.

  7. authorego

    The steroids are working. That varicose-laden centegenarian had to eat his dust. Suck on that old man!

  8. Erica

    Don’t even deny that you wouldn’t fuck him. He’s very sexy.

  9. Jake

    I’m not going to be the bottom anymore…do you hear me?!! I’M NOT GOING TO BE THE BOTTOM ANYMORE!!!

    …well…ok…just this one last time. And you have to call yourself “Heath”.

  10. addled

    and still with the ski hat on.

  11. Rachel

    Check out Jarhead, a little known movie (probably because it’s really hard to watch) from 2005 adapted from Anthony Swofford’a memoir about being a marine in the ’91 Iraq war. That was the beggining of the buff jake, who still mumbles his lines.

  12. Steve

    Definitely steroids at work, those guns have gotta be at least 10″ around.

  13. lame

    Ahhhh….he’s so cute!

    And #6 – Donnie Darko was an awesome movie!

  14. Elmo

    well…. I know they’re trying to market this guy, but they shouldn’t go beyond “geeky cute”. His personality just doesn’t fit a big macho dude.

  15. Jake Gyllenhaal

    Your fuckstock is assprone, nutcocker.

  16. liz

    the guy behind him looks like he has worms under his skin! ew!

  17. john

    what’s up with that stupid cap he always wears? is he going bald?

  18. James

    His neck is freakishly large in pic #6

  19. yanks are wanks

    @5: I would love to rape your mum’s bum and take a shit in her mouth.

  20. britney's weave

    EW, look at the veins on the old guy’s legs!

  21. This is something I should try one day!

  22. Kim Kardashian

    @2 – You say that like its a bad thing.

  23. whimstar

    Long live bubble boy.

  24. But in his heart there is still the FAGGOT, folks!!

  25. Long live bubble boy!!! )))))

  26. TJ

    #2 Fuck you and your hair-assed mother.

    And riddle me this, Batman: why does G-man screw a woman with 2 kids that must have a floppy vagina, when he could have a hardbody? You know, like Britney Spears.

  27. Cliff Greene

    #22 No kidding. #2′s comment only works on posts about Mickey Rourke maybe, or Brooke Hogan.

  28. lulu

    @6: i am soo soo so sorry you have terrible taste in movies.

    lookin hot jake! dayum!

  29. see also: Anthony Michael Hall

  30. Im jealous of Reese

    he is so amazingly sexy

  31. Lauren

    hahaha you’re hysterical!

  32. He and his sister are lame.

  33. Out Jarhead, a little known movie (maybe because it really difficult times from 2005) Anthony ’91 Swofford’a about being a marine in Iraq war memoirs customized check. Jake the leather, which was the beginning of still mumbles her lines.

    • Mackfuke

      Holy crap, he used to be the bashful, humble cute kid. After watching this interview on e-talk, what a pompous ass he has become. Hollywood wrcks another poor human.

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