Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman are dating

June 1st, 2006 // 387 Comments

  1. hurley

    natalie! nooooo!

  2. hurley

    first time being first!!

  3. hurley

    where’d everbody go? where’s sherry-co?

  4. ScriptRadar

    Overheard at a carnival: “Step right up, see the amazing man with TWO BEARDS.”

  5. Sheva

    Doesn’t she realize that he’s using her until his next Thailand trip when he can score some 10 year boy love.

    Shouldn’t that NAMBLA card in his wallet be a dead giveaway Natalie?

    There’s only one reason a guy’s into smurf. It’s until he can satisfy his pedophile boy loving ways without getting caught.

  6. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    OH MY GOD A NEW POST! Fuck yeah. I just got so excited I got LandSauce all over my LandPanties. What were we talking about again?
    Oh yeah, those pictures of Brad and Lonny. Brad’s my hairstylist and Lonny’s this guy I know that promotes clubs in Portland. What’s the big deal and why are they on the internet? Jesus Christ!

  7. FunctionalDrunk

    They look kinda cute together — all smiley and whatnot. But what is up with Nat’s sweater? It looks like it is trying to eat her alive. Which, incidentally, is Jake’s plan as well. He’s a crazy man.

  8. ultra8201

    They are two of my favorites so I think it’s pretty cool.


  9. Sheva

    Thought she was going to be so pretty when she grew up when she appeared in that movie “The Professional.”

    She looked more feminine at 12 then now. Look at the frontal shot. She can’t fill out those jeans better than a concentration camp victim.

  10. ScriptRadar

    Methinks my “two beards” zinger was a little obtuse.

  11. spatz

    heh. landpanties. heh

  12. happy_bunny

    Newsflash: Playing a gay character in a movie doesn’t mean you’re gay in real life.
    Damn, people. Get some brains.

  13. RichPort

    She’s built like a boy so it shouldn’t be much of a stretch for him… Hopefully she doesn’t watch Brokeback and think quietly to herself ‘Jake never kissed me like that’…

  14. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    10 – I thought it was awesome.
    And I don’t think many things are awesome besides myself.
    And I am never obtuse because fat people are gross.

  15. Italian Stallion

    That movie was confusing as shit…..So they’re saying he does like girls?

  16. burlapbra

    Portman’s his other beard. Methinks we all got it.

  17. ScriptRadar

    #14 – Nachos gracias!

  18. Jake is continuing in the man-boy tradition…

  19. TOPAZ21

    #5 hahahaaaa
    ewww dude JG’s teeth are hella yellow. yuk yuk yuk

  20. spatz

    methinks you people are driving me fucking crazy with this methinks shit. methinks me may spew chunks if me hears it one more time

  21. 14

    Yes, I’d rather be acute.

  22. TOPAZ21

    remember kids…tc loves us all

  23. TOPAZ21

    and by us i mean…the c-o-c-k

  24. Fa Cube Itches

    Agreed that the two beards phenom is a medical miracle; scientists should be notified!!!

    Happy_Bunny: no, playing a gay guy in a movie doesn’t make someone gay. Sleeping with other men in real life *tends* to suggest that they actually might be, however.

  25. Italian Stallion

    @20 Methinks, methinks, methinks……LOL…if you threw up, now your like an anorexic lame-whipper-banana-willow fag………….

  26. Fa Cube Itches

    21: I had a doctor tell me that I had acute appendicitis one time. I assumed he was hitting on me and sued for sexual harassment. :)

  27. Binky

    My Gaydar is tingling.
    Although he dresses quite slobby for a gay guy.
    Sunglasses look too expensive for a str8 guy though.

  28. LB

    Now we only have ot wait until he explains what “field fuck” is.

  29. spatz

    20: blasphemer!!! this is the worst insult that can be bestowed upon someone. if you’ll excuse me i’m going to go to the bathroom and continue cutting myself. it hurts so good.

  30. 26

    Really? Something like that happened to me, too.
    This doctor told me a had acute angina, so I slapped him with a lawsuit.

  31. spatz

    oops i meant 25 ahhh fuck it

  32. Ari

    Clearly I’m a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. Hmmm… yes, I made an incredibly stupid ‘joke.’ Sue me.

    Fa– I’m sure your appendicitis was very cute.

  33. ptprez

    they had dinner at the spotted pig…

    i did’nt know mariah could cook???

  34. Italian Stallion

    @31 you should e-mail the person who writes this shit and get them to take the T out of your screen name……..hehehehehehehe

  35. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    You guys are a bunch of SLIMY SLUGS, just because Jake likes to hold dick in his anus and let it sit there peacefully doesn’t mean a thing. You’re gay only if the dick is moving back and forth inside the anus. Duh.

  36. ptprez


    thanks, i’m off the hook!!!

  37. ScriptRadar

    #36 – LMAO

  38. 35

    Speaking of SLIMY SLUGS, I wonder what happened to HWMNBN/Goatsucker? I feel sort of lonesome without someone stalking me and calling me trailer trash.

  39. TOPAZ21


    what is you are a girl and you like that?

  40. TOPAZ21

    *if…i hate english

    and edna

  41. jackspratling

    Oh please, they’re not dating.

    They were merely comparing notes about what it’s like to both have boyish figures and bony hips.

    … So what’s it like? It’s been years since I had any body definition.

  42. Fa Cube Itches

    32: Ari – you know it! ;)

    38: Well, if it will make you feel better, “Trailer trash! Trailer trash! Stop obsessing over me you ghetto cholita!! Go smoke crack with your welfare babies!”

    Enh, that sort of thing isn’t my forte.

  43. Feed_Me_Chocolate


    But Jack Sprat is supposed to be skinny, because…

    Jack Sprat could eat no fat
    His wife could eat no lean…

    Sorry that your wife won’t give you head…

  44. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    39 – If you are a girl that likes anal but hates speaking English, please visit papahotnuts.com and fill out a brief questionaire regarding your fuckability (attach photo and resume). If you qualify you could win a big prize – in your anus.

  45. Evangelia

    natalie is a stupid bitch. i don’t know how to say it nay cleverer than that.

  46. Shit. I really want to hate this, and give in to my deluded visions of me and gyllenhaall dating/marrying/fucking/having beautiful babies and thus hate Natalie portman with a passion.
    But I cant.
    She is pretty and cute and seems nice. grrr, at least when he was dating Dr Sunken Tits i was in with a chance.

  47. 42

    Thanks, I feel all warm and squishy inside.

  48. Fa Cube Itches

    47: Ooops. Sorry about that. Looks like I’ll have to write a strongly worded letter to the good folks at Trojan-ENZ.

  49. tarjamarja

    Natalie Portman looks like a cancer patient. Maybe Jake thought so, too, and decided to take her some flowers. And when he found out she wasn’t dying he figured someone ought to at least feed her.

  50. eva86

    even if they’re not together, they should be.

    Jake was great in Donny Darko and Natalie is an excellent actress it doesn’t matter what role she plays.

    Appropo; Jake was so convincing in Brokeback Mountain that now a lot of people think he’s gay

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