Jake Paul Will Be A Great Republican One Day

There’s no amount of shade I can throw on Jake Paul that will slow down his heaping freight train of poor content from giving young kids personality cancer. I’ve come to terms with this and I think it all stems from the shitty public education system in this country that creates kids too dumb to know any better. Charge ‘em to the game, they’re lost.

Jake Paul is back trending again after releasing a new music video that’s misleadingly titled “YouTube Diss Track” and it’s… it’s just fucking awful. Like, “Rob Gronkowski’s music video” awful. It’s not even about “dissing YouTube”, it’s actually an angsty stab at “THE MEDIA” and “THE MAN” who just keeps on keepin’ JP down, bro. You may remember that Jake Paul has been getting a lot of heat from his neighbors for setting fires in his backyard and throwing caffeine parties in his upscale L.A. neighborhood, but now he’s had ENOUGH, bro! And he’s going to channel his feelings into his MUSIC, bro!

WHY IS HE IN A GROCERY STORE?! Somebody please help me process this! Was it the “I fed the homeless on thanksgiving” line? Is he doing after-hours shopping for another soup kitchen? Asking for myself…

Despite having the resources to create something at least remotely well thought out, he refuses… and mediocrity looks down on this product in disapproval. What kind of culture usurping heathen makes a rambling, mumbling diss track towards a local news station calling him out for being an entitled little brat? Leveraging bullied, suicidal, and terminally ill fans to justify his bullshit?

If you ever watch any of Jake Paul’s other videos (I just did and now I’m going to one of those ‘break stuff’ rooms on my lunch) he closes out these asinine Disney Channel Presents: Jackass videos with messages of false positivity and motivational bullshit. If Jake Paul really gave a shit about “being a good guy” he wouldn’t plug his $65 sweatshirt that says, “Be A Good Guy, Bro!” with every video. He also wouldn’t make a diss track highlighting every philanthropic thing he’s ever done in his life to “dab on his haters” calling him out for his bullshit…

Taking advantage of dumb people for money, having no genuine creativity, calling out anyone who opposes him as ‘fake news’… this guy is going to make a great republican.