Presumably because she didn’t write a song about him fast enough, Jake Gyllenhaal has engaged Taylor Swift again, hoping to make a more lasting impression that she’ll immortalize to music. (Friendly Tip: Donkey punch. — You’re welcome.) People reports:
The two stars, whose brief relationship fizzled in December, arrived quietly together on Wednesday at Bound’ry, a restaurant near Swift’s Nashville condo, and were led back to a table for two, according to another patron.
“They did eat,” the patron tells PEOPLE. “They were cordial to one another, but not affectionate.”
“Cordial, but not affectionate.” As opposed to what, dry humping on top of the arugula? C’mon. You don’t take a beautiful woman out to dinner unless you’re going to have sex with her later. That’s the whole point. Or, if you’re smart like Tiger Woods, you feed them at Subway before doing them in the parking lot. It’s frugal, efficient and probably why he’s a billionaire. Suck it, Suze Orman.