Jake Gyllenhaal & Taylor Swift: Round Two

January 20th, 2011 // 45 Comments

Presumably because she didn’t write a song about him fast enough, Jake Gyllenhaal has engaged Taylor Swift again, hoping to make a more lasting impression that she’ll immortalize to music. (Friendly Tip: Donkey punch. — You’re welcome.) People reports:

The two stars, whose brief relationship fizzled in December, arrived quietly together on Wednesday at Bound’ry, a restaurant near Swift’s Nashville condo, and were led back to a table for two, according to another patron.
“They did eat,” the patron tells PEOPLE. “They were cordial to one another, but not affectionate.”

“Cordial, but not affectionate.” As opposed to what, dry humping on top of the arugula? C’mon. You don’t take a beautiful woman out to dinner unless you’re going to have sex with her later. That’s the whole point. Or, if you’re smart like Tiger Woods, you feed them at Subway before doing them in the parking lot. It’s frugal, efficient and probably why he’s a billionaire. Suck it, Suze Orman.

Photos: Getty


  1. michelle

    jake is hoottttt

  2. Hmmm

    I never realized how alien face-like her knees look.

  3. she’s so little and cute, I’d feel bad talking shit about her.

    and yet here we are.

    • Reggie Rhino

      Little? She’s freekin’ 6 feet tall!
      Cute? Okay, maybe cute like a lost puppy is cute and sad at the same time.

  4. GravyLeg

    Scary thing is, Taylor Swift could probably actually sell a song about getting Donkey Punched.

  5. the2ndsuitor

    So that makes this the country version of “She’s All That”, right?

  6. Cardinal Fang

    Brokelens mountain

  7. Jake Gyllenhaal Taylor Swift
    Tricycle Tits
    Commented on this photo:

    Taylor Swift always looks like she’s being held upside down. It’s like, witchcraft or something. And I ain’t havin’ nuthin’ to do with no witch. Unless it’s a Manwich. Because those are freakin’ delicious.

  8. I’d love to comment but I haven’t recovered from the gut I just busted reading the Fish’s header. Jesus, from Gyllenhaal to arugula to Tiger Woods to Suze Orman? Perfection.

  9. GravyLeg

    “Cordial, but not affectionate.”

    Let’s see…

    She is twenty-something and tight…
    He is thirty-something and experienced… (i’ll assume)

    Having dinner before a mutual “booty call” is just plain silly.

  10. 2for2true

    Jake, Jake, Jake…just because she’s over 18 doesn’t mean she has the cognitive abilities of an adult…or for that matter, a blender. Be kind to this tender fawn, Jacob…use a top shelf lubricant whilst ye

  11. 2for2true

    Jake, Jake, Jake…just because she’s over 18 doesn’t mean she has the cognitive abilities of an adult…or for that matter, a blender. Be kind to this tender fawn, Jacob…use a top shelf lubricant whilst ye bend her to your sick desires.

  12. molly

    dem some weird knees brah

  13. Maybe he just told her to shut the hell up so he could enjoy his meal.

  14. nonminti

    hm..what is ‘affectionate’ when you have dinner,you share food or clang glasses together from time to time? anyway,they are good together,boring and…boring.

  15. Girl who knows ALL

    Damage control anyone? This smacks of image cleanup almost as bad as Sandra’s PR baby and the 1500 PR babies Brangelina bought. Ok well nothing smacks of phony self serving PR worse than buying babies, but buying an immature little baby girl dinner because banging and subsequently ditching her doesn’t go over too well with her army of whiny bitch female fans who are a good part of your fan demographic is pretty transparent too. Look many of Taytay’s dumb spoiled princess fans are the same girls who bough Jakey’s nice guy act and mooned over him in his stupid movies and now those bitches be mad and Jake sees his career taking a major hit..

    I mean he worked VERY hard to build that nice guy image, dating a mentally challenged actress and having an ugly ass sister and still loving her is the shit hallmark panty magnet movies are made of, but remember diddling Dunst was 90% PR and 10% curiosity. The guy is calculating, have we forgotten that he dated an older woman who not only had kids, but a chin that could castrate him if she meerly sneezed during a blow job? Luckily for Jake once women attain america’s sweetheart status they stop giving blowjobs (hence why Ryan Phillipe banged that Australian skank), but still he had to look at meat cleaver face and kiss it for the paparazzi so the guy doesn’t dick around, unless there’s a camera and a naked Heath Leger waiting for him.

    Apparently Anne Hathaway cried EVERYDAY on the set of Love and Other Drugs because of her breakup with Mr. Frauddouchepants, she admitted this in an interview so she’s not even ashamed of it, and he worked with that for months and claimed it was a pleasure so the guy basically shits good PR until he ate boy hating country twat.
    Again no matter how hot a chick is if she cries all day long over other boys it’s a boner buzzkill of the highest order. So don’t for one second think he actually wants to hang out with crybaby Swift. He is trying desperately to make sure she doesn’t write a song about him and using every ounce of his moderate acting ability to somehow convince her that this breakup is mutual. He’s pulling out all the stops and if she was another girl his big old dumbass puppy dog eyes could sell it, but this is the bitch who whines NON stop about boys and has an ego huge enough to write “songs” (or brain killing poems accompanied by music as I call them) about her petty little heartaches and takes ZERO responsibility for her failed “relationships” if you can call her experiences with boys “relationships”.

    Bottom line Jake is FUCKED and I promise you no matter how hot grandma knees is it wasn’t worth is. Why?

    1. I guarantee you she sucks in bed and not the good kind of sucking.

    2. As douchy as he is, his fame card could get him WAY WAY hotter ass and 50 of them nightly.

    3. His carefully crafted career made mainly by artificial hotness (attained via many many makeovers and personal trainers, watch Bubble Boy if you don’t believe me) and an, until now, impeccable nice guy with low standards image (meaning his retard and mega chin banging made his homely looser fangirls think they have an actual shot with him which is essentially liquid delusional gold) will take a hit a major hit and “celebrities” are soulless whores who love their careers, in other words themselves, more than anything on earth.

    The guy took a major gamble for some pretty moderate penis pleasure. Stupid.

    The douchebag knows he’ll have a way harder time attaining permanent leading man A list status if he doesn’t fix this shit. Poor bastard I almost feel bad for him, he thought with his dick with the WRONG girl and is now paying dearly for it. Just like all the boys who fucked little spoiled princesses with uber angry gun toting pervert daddies, this is gonna hurt way worse than when chinny chinnerton used to try to snuggle . Taylor swifts brainless twit army is far more terrifying than 500,000 angry Midwestern gun loving fathers aiming their beloved pistols at your crotch or 100,000 pot headed granola breathed Dunsts getting their snaggle tooth stuck on your wang or begging you for sex with those scary vacant retard eyes.

    Still I can’t pity him. He has the resources to find some stupid Taylor Swift lookalike and pay her to pretend to be Swifty for a few nights of hide the dragon. Looks like retard rubbed off on him a little, in more ways than one.

  16. isHotr235

    YAY!!! I love these two together!!!!!!!! Go Jaylor! pun sort of intended if she was under 18. http://j.mp/ishotr66

  17. I know Taylor Swift personally, she is a slutface.

  18. So I assume were going with “Tayllenhaal” on this

  19. MLVC

    There is nothing and I mean nothing I would not do to have the pleasure of smelling Ms. Swift….hottest thing to ever escape the vaginal canal…from head to toe…nothing i would not do

  20. A good movie for these two are boring and boring-er

  21. Jake Gyllenhaal Taylor Swift
    Commented on this photo:

    Ladies and Gentlemen…”Blue Steel”.

  22. Jake Gyllenhaal Taylor Swift
    Commented on this photo:

    You think the “Spiderman” reboot is lame? That dude behind him is the new Wolverine.

  23. i look ur pic. you are looking very hot. i realy like you….

  24. uncle bill

    an official LOSER’S round is born here…………

    • Gando

      Dependable on the taste. There’re ofcourse only winners here. She’d look quite exotic and different. Very representative indeed.

  25. Galtacticus

    That body looks quite fit. Does she live next to a city park or something?

  26. Gando

    It’s known that Taylor Swift doesn’t visit a club that much. I guess working on her professional career is much more important for her instead of fooling around. It’s important for her to keep her projects in private because she’s a songwriter as well. For many clubs count, if you say something, it’s the same as publishing it on the daily newspapers front pages.

  27. Nero

    Instead of boobs there’s this golden throat.

  28. Anya

    She looks like a mini Renee zellweger with those squinty eyes of hers.

  29. Jake Gyllenhaal Taylor Swift
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf is wrong with her eyes? she looks odd.

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