I Guess Jaden Smith Is White Batman Now

Jaden Smith – *erm* – “JADEN just Jaden” released a new music video for his single “batman” and it’s basically a student film project with a couple Teslas and a cheese-hating Yelpster doing the dab in a white batman suit. I’ve watched this music video about eight times now and I keep finding things that make me realize that Moises Arias (the director/Jaden’s best friend/former kid  is definitely an enabler to Jaden (just Jaden) and his ego.

For starters, the video opens with Jaden finding himself in a field after a night of partying or being a werewolf (we’re never sure because this plot point is never explained). He gets up and screams “WHAT THE FUCK” which is exactly what I was saying when I saw him stand up and grab a GLASS OF WATER WITH ICE IN IT.

magic ice

What kind of sorcery is this?! All-night ice!? Rich people always get the coolest stuff before we do…

Then Jaden pees on Los Angeles because metaphors.

jaden smith peeing

I noticed that while sitting in his “board room”, which is may/may not be a cubicle in the library at UCLA, he’s sipping a rocks glass of water because scotch must be too yucky for Jaden. Then duty calls… from Alfred’s second phone… what happened to Alfred’s first phone, we may never know. Maybe he dropped it while getting out of a custom Back to The Future TTESSSLLAAAAA-and Jaden is white batman now… fuck you, dad.

batman

No cheese on my pancake, don’t you know who my dad be/ seltzer water better have a lemon if you don’t want yo ass beat

The video devolves into some guerrilla-style steadycam work on Hollywood Blvd. Jaden gets into a play fight with some superhero impersonators who are desperately trying to feed their families by humiliating themselves in front of tourists. Everyone’s face is blurred out which leads me to believe Jaden and co. didn’t get release forms from anyone because they are amateurs with really nice gear. I mean, putting in a “Fin” card at the end? Your film school thesis just called, they want their cliche back. Jean-Luc Godard would not approve.