Jack Osbourne makes the news lie

josbourne_thaifight.jpgYou miss the best stuff when you’re sick, like the fact that Jack Osbourne has myseriously become a freaking Thai kickboxer. Even more surprising is that the little bastard ended up knocking out a “veteran Thai kickboxer” in their second round. I don’t want to insinuate that Jack Osbourne is out of shape or a lumpy potato or anything, but I’m about 100% sure that the “veteran Thai kickboxer” was either paid to throw the fight, made up by the Associated Press, or simply an 8-year old girl. I refuse to believe that potato boy could have defeated anybody in a fair fight, let alone an actual Thai kickboxer. That little 8-year old girl I was talking about before? Even she would kick the crap out of Jack Osbourne. I mean unless he ate her or something.

Jack spent four days at the elite Fairtex Muaythai Fitness Camp near Bangkok, the Thai capital, before traveling to the popular tourist island of Pha-Ngan for “a complete physical detox, which was basically twice-daily massive colonic irrigations to kind of flush himself out of toxins,” Stobart said.