Jack Nicholson has a secret handicapped son

August 6th, 2007 // 60 Comments
jack-nicholson-father.jpg

According to Page Six, Jack Nicholson is known around Hollywood for sleeping around and getting random women pregnant, but now he’s denying claims that he may be the father of an illegitimate handicapped son that he tried to keep a secret. “Five Easy Decades” is an unauthorized biography about Jack and says:

“There are two other possibles whom those closest to Jack whisper about, including one young man who lives with handicaps brought on by his actress mother’s drug abuse … These are among the closely held secrets he has generally succeeded in keeping from his fans.”

Nicholson’s lawyer is denying the claims, clarifying that Jack has four illegitimate kids, not five. And if you’re wondering why he has so many kids with different mothers running around, Jack once said:

“I’m interested in sex. I’m preoccupied with sex. I love it,” he once gushed, according to the book. He also panned condoms, saying using them was like wearing a “warm garbage bag.”

If you’re looking for a role model, this is it right here. Not using condoms because they feel like wearing a “warm garbage bag”? Man, this guy should speak at schools.

superficial

  1. Yes

    FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. suprrr

    He sucks.

  3. Lon Chaney

    Who’s the chick in the picture with him? I’d like to screw her so hard she becomes handicapped.

  4. jrzmommy

    yeah, but…..he’s Jack. It works.

  5. mdiz

    This man is so over rated…

  6. ?he iz the funnizt of everyone….if I were ever to do coke..it’d b with him?

  7. metaphor

    Hmm It’s a tough choice… HIV or wearing a “warm garbage bag?”

  8. ??I love funny fuckerz like him??
    there zhould b a younger
    verzion of him..zomeone
    zhould clone hiz azz??

  9. regularorunleaded

    If he thinks sliding a condom on feels comparatively like a “garbage bag” then his wang must be the size of a needle.

    On a list of “world’s most overrated things”, with the Mona Lisa painting being #7, Jack is #11, right behind Michael Jackson.

    My grandmother thinks he’s attractive in a certain “really old pot bellied unwashed man with dysfunctional personality” kind of way.

  10. regularorunleaded

    krazihotkelli, I’m sure you’ll get your chance to do coke with Jack (ahem)
    Or try a lot of acid, like your parents did before they had you.

  11. jus'stupid

    The poster child for Viagra

  12. #9 you sure would like to take he’s dysfunctional cock up your ass and crap out a handicrapped little black boy

  13. Lovely

    # 3 lol…
    Who gives a shit who he fathered? Handicap or not. He’s not funny… not even close

  14. ?10?

    what your zayin …iz that your parentz know mine…?

  15. chimpy

    This washed up geezer is so full of his stupid self it’s nauseating.

  16. Cat

    Lon Chaney, that’s his daugher, and she’s not legal yet.

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1574234/

  17. Bite Me!

    I am one of Jack’s four illegitimate children. My dad rocks!!!!

  18. ??that fucker iz zo funny,,juzt lookin at him makez me laugh??
    ? ?

  19. skins

    When I first saw the headline and the picture, I thought that his handicapped son was lindsay lohan.

  20. Lovely

    #14 Um, no that’s not at all what they were saying…… go back re-read it and try again- add z’s where the s’s are if it helps you understand it a little better…. Are you sure you’re not one of his kids?

  21. ?17? u f uckin wizh U were?

  22. lambman

    He was always a good actor, but never much to look at. But I guess its true what you say, first you get the money, they you get the womens then you get the illigetimate handicaped sons.

  23. lidiya

    ugh. i would not fuck that man with britney spear’s vagina. he looks like a frigging muppet with dentures, and, by a simple GIS, I’ve ascertained he was never attractive.

  24. ?23?

    Leave mommydearezt outta here..even he wouldn’t fuck that zhit…

    and yez..he waz and ztill iz attractive for a guy hiz age..itz about

    perzonfuckinality ztupidfuck..?

  25. justsomebastard

    This man is now my personal hero. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a slut. Not only has this man achieved that, he’s celebrated. It gives me hope that if I ever win the lottery, I’ll be able to fuck until my nuts are empty.

  26. gay4girls

    I’ve loved Jack ever since I read an uncensored interview with him about his sex life. The interviewer said Jack was laughing so hard he could barely speak when describing a time he “accidentally” rammed his cock up a girl’s ass when they were going at it doggystyle. She screamed that it really hurt, he said he was sorry and he had “slipped” and that he really loved her. So she asked “really?” and he said “yeah” – and then he kept ramming his cock up her ass, and she didn’t say anything even though tears were rolling down her face. He said for once there wasn’t a mirror over the headboard and he was glad because she couldn’t see that he was doing all he could to keep from busting out laughing. When he was done he said he had an important meeting, threw his clothes on, ran outside and burst out laughing for 10 minutes. Never saw the chick again.

    I never bothered with the idea of a “role model” (I’m not a weak female looking to borrow somebody else’s identity because I lack one myself), but if I did, Jack would be it.

  27. Nicholson está buenisimo :)
    Bueno, no pero tiene mucho mucho MORBO
    besos desde spain.

  28. LL

    Wow, I’m torn about this one. I mean, sure Nicholson is an irresponsible asshole, but then, nobody forced any chick to have sex with him. He probably has his pick of tail, even now that he’s old. It’s a two-way street, so to speak. If women weren’t so desperate to screw a movie star, he’d probably be nicer about it, but it’s kinda easy to see why he feels contempt for his oh-so-lucky partners.

    Oh, and sweet story about the anal sex. Makes me want him even more.

  29. ?gay4girlz?

    U have to blame the DICK and not the MAN….hiz brain waz in hiz DICK
    GO FUCKINFIGURE????

  30. LayDeeBug

    I am SOOOOO over Jack Nicholson. All his roles are exactly alike; they’re all Jack Nick playing Jack Nick. I only watched the Departed because he wasn’t in it all that much.

    He’s a dick. Last good thing he did was “The Shining.” I heard “About Schmidt” is kinda good (maybe).

  31. jakebarnes

    Six words: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

  32. doneit

    krazihotkelli…..do us all a favor, just go away, Mmmmmmmmkay?

  33. zhithead

    Amen to #32
    krazihotkelli is a zhithead. Zhut up, kelli. Your little ghetto zpelling and symbolz speak for themselves.

  34. wedgeone

    That’s a lot of “baby mama’s” there. So long as Jackie can pay for his kids, they’ll be all right. Must be why he keeps on working.

    #26 – that anecdote just made my day. I’m still cracking up a half an hour later.

  35. taylor

    just wondering…”doez” krazihottkelli have a life?

    uh, that would be a no.

  36. KillaJ

    dear krazihottkelli,

    Will you please teach me how to make symbols? Like these..????? Because I can’t just copy and paste that shit everytime I want to remember what a dumbfuck you are. By the way, how many times a day do you post on this website? I thinkz iz time for youz to visit Perez Hilton’z webzite.

    Luvz you,
    KillaJ

  37. Sauron

    No wonder he has a handicapped son.Look at him,he isn’t quite a masterpiece of evolution.Lightyears from that.

  38. Annie Rexia

    Do you think HE fucked his daughter, or gave her to Polanski.

  39. Kamihi

    This is the fucking ugliest man on the planet – any woman who fucked this piece of shit should be lobotomised (although to fuck this ugly moron she probably already was)

  40. Italian Stallion

    I never knew that’s what he meant when he said “Wait until they get a load of me”…………..

  41. Josh Simpson

    “was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut. Between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that little red beaver right up there in front of you, I don’t think it’s crazy at all and I don’t think you do either. No man alive could resist that, and that’s why I got into jail to begin with. And now they’re telling me I’m crazy over here because I don’t sit there like a goddamn vegetable. Don’t make a bit of sense to me. If that’s what being crazy is, then I’m senseless, out of it, gone-down-the-road, wacko.”

  42. StraightforGirls

    I must admit, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being. I would imagine morality is something meaningless in your way of not thinking. My genitals are being stimulated! It feels good! I have a full belly and lots of drugs and alcohol! Yay for me! Screw the law!

  43. bilbob

    Isn’t saying that wearing a condom feels like a garbage bag basically saying you’ve got a very small dick?

  44. mrs.t

    I somehow became acquainted with one of his babymommas about 16 years ago. She is beautiful and their poor daughter looks exactly like him. Originally in nature’s plan, firstborn children closely resembled the father to discourage him from eating them. Flash forward a million years and firstborn children closely resemble their father so that Jack Nicholson won’t be able to deny them.

    Oh…btw…she reported that his penis is on the petite side, but he’s “such a FREAK” one doesn’t really mind.

  45. i love him hes the meaning of personality over looks look at mick jagger the kids came out looking like the moms

    How is this supposed to be a bad llok for him he did not make the child disabled

  46. woodhorse

    #22: you left out, “and then you become a huge detriment to your children for neglecting them or outright denying them”

  47. jemfysh

    It must feel so special to be one if his kids, wandering around town wondering how many people you pass are your half brothers and sisters. And I could be wrong, but isn’t that JoJo in the pic with Jack, rather than one of his daughters? I know he likes them young but…

  48. mwah

    ew hes so gross. i bet he banged 15 year old girls. the mans not even remotely attractive why would anyone think about touching him let alone having sex with him.

  49. asdaad

    The sad thing is he’s probably more attractive than britney spears right now.

  50. Raynay9

    You all put him down but half of you are as guilty as him.

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