Jack Nicholson Didn’t Retire

September 6th, 2013 // 9 Comments
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On Wednesday, Radar reported that Jack Nicholson secretly retired from acting on account of memory loss which everyone agreed sounded reasonable because coke. Turns out, none of that happened at all because Jack’s rep just let NBC Nightly News know that his client is still reading scripts to play himself in:

When asked for comment by NBC News, we received an adamant denial from Nicholson through a spokesman who said the 76-year-old actor is very much still in the game, is suffering no memory loss, and in fact, is reading scripts for future film projects.

In related news, the producers of The Hunger Games film franchise have announced a new character created exclusively for the movies: Jackniss Everdeen. Katniss’ long-lost father who wishes nothing more than to hug his little girl and – *inhales deeply* – perhaps take her out for a nice meal. Mexican, maybe. Bob, gun.

Jack Nicholson Jennifer Lawrence

There are very few people in this world who make getting old seem awesome, and then there’s Jack Nicholson laughing in the shadows behind them because they don’t even know.

Photo: Getty / GIF: Wordsntricks


  1. that’s bullshit…Katniss Everdeen’s father died in a mine collapse.

    I…uh…heard some kids talking about that from the books. yeah, damn kids, always talking about stupid books.

  2. Wladimir Klitschko

    Great news! Jack rules! The best Joker btw.

  3. Great joker but scumbag human being.
    Creepy old guy harassing a young actress? Barf.

  4. bobthebob

    Maybe he just forgot that he retired because of the memory loss?

  5. anonymous

    If he isn’t retired from acting, can anyone name a recent project he has done in the last two or three years besides courtside at Lakers’ home games?

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