“HRRRMMM. LERNNS FLERRR?”
So remember when I said Matthew Vaughn is directing Star Wars: Episode VII? Forget all that because it’s J.J. Abrams. J.J. Abrams is directing Star Wars on top of Star Trek which has to be the nerd equivalent of letting a Gobot fuck a Transformer. The Wrap reports:
The lure of the Jedi was too strong, and it will no doubt complicate his relationship with Paramount, where Bad Robot is a top supplier. Abrams has been feverishly working on “Star Trek Into Darkness,” his second Star Trek film since he rebooted the franchise in 2009. “Into Darkness,” still in post-production, opens May 18.
Though he has several producing jobs in front of him, Abrams had been uncommitted as a director. He will have to jump right into “Star Wars,” which Disney has slated for a 2015 release. “Little Miss Sunshine” screenwriter Michael Arndt is penning the script.
Here’s where it gets even weirder. Disney’s #2 choice? Ben Affleck. And considering he only directs movies he stars in, that means we’ve all been denied a Jedi who tells people the Dark Side is a wickid pissah which proves George Lucas feeds on my tears. Case in point: Somewhere in the past, Joseph Gordon-Levitt just shot Jon Hamm and Peter Dinklage with a shotgun after they landed on a tarp. “Casting quality actors in a Star Wars movie. Not on my watch! WADDLE-WADDLE-WADDLE-WADDLE.” (If that’s not the sound George Lucas shaking his neck makes, I don’t want to live in this world.)