Ireland Baldwin Is Single, Grabbing Her Boob

March 7th, 2014 // 69 Comments

If you’ve been reading this site for the past year, then you’re well aware of our obsession with Ireland Baldwin and have at least asked yourself once what the hell she’s doing with a guy named Slater Trout. A question that apparently Ireland Baldwin asked herself because she dumped his ass yesterday. More importantly than any of that, is she’s clearly welcome to my advances which is how I chose to read this totally innocuous event that also suggests she’s read the pervy shit all of us have said about her, but we’re past that. We’re past that:

Ireland Baldwin Favorite Superficial Tweet

And before every thinks I’m getting carried away with this, don’t be jealous that we’re obviously going to have two pea coat and beret wearing children named Jane and Michael Banks who will visit their grandfather on Sundays and watch him call me a cocksucking faggot for letting a magic woman be their nanny. “She could fly off with them on an umbrella, you toxic little queen!” he’ll say to me over a rich afternoon meal of roast pork and savory vegetables. My what times we’ll have…

Photos: Fame/Flynet

superficial

  1. Walter Peck

    Doesn’t matter how much lipstick (or in this case purple dye) you put on a manbearpig she is still and will forever be a dumpster fire.

  2. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Drinking a Slurm, does cause nipple freeze. The more you know…

  3. She’s single? *slicks my hair back, uses an entire can of Axe body spray* “Sup?”

  4. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    Fun fact: Every time she touches herself she’s whispering ‘I’m a rude thoughtless little pig.’ Then starts pinching her nipples… or maybe that’s just my imagination.

  5. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    MikeFLO
    Commented on this photo:

    I dont care what anyone says.. but her face does NOT do it for me!! its Alec!!!!!

  6. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Ross
    Commented on this photo:

    Rumer willis?

  7. MZ MIZRY

    holy shit- superficial got sherry walker AND mario roa following on twitter!!!!!

  8. Grab that brass ring Fish.

  9. Who will take the pics that require a second pair of hands?

  10. Gen

    Fish, how much are you being paid to pretend this rich little bitch is hot?

  11. We can only hope that a bitter slater trout releases some pics from when he slayed her trout.

  12. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    If I were Ireland Baldwin, I’d fondle my breasts, too. In fact, it’s all I’d do.

  13. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    I can only assume that there is a secret rule that as soon as you break up with your boyfriend, you have to start looking like Kelly Clarkson.

  14. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s good to see that Kelly Osbourne’s hair stylist is getting more work

  15. Good for her but that hair looks fucking retarded.

  16. “… and have at least asked yourself once what the hell she’s doing with …”

    Actually no. Positively not.
    Though i have asked myself at least once what the hell is your obsession with this onepercenter floozy. Is she paying you to “make herself happen”?

  17. PassingTrue

    The day at Coachella, the surfing at the beach – oh Slater Trout, we hardly knew ye.

    And that’s a good thing.

  18. I prefer it when her fashion gambits draw the eye *away* from the face.

  19. Swearin

    You know she only followed TheSuperficial on Twitter because you talk about her a lot, not because she gets the Say Anything reference, right?

  20. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Hot flushes?Menopause at her age really?

  21. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Asian guy thought bubble: “I love you… you big, beautiful, life-like anime babe.”

  22. Judge Chamberlain Haller

    So after vigorous douching she finally got rid of that fish.

  23. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    side profile of that face. meh

    I don’t know what you guys like about a baldwin brother head with long hair

  24. Fish you creeper! Lol she’s gonna get a restraining order against you once she reads this! Lol

  25. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    goodwolfe21
    Commented on this photo:

    …it’s just wrong that this poor girl has to grab her own boob, when I am more than capable (and willing!) to do that for her!!….

  26. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    MFer
    Commented on this photo:

    This chick’s not even slightly attractive.

    • The only thing that makes her attractive to me really is that she can buy me a fleet of Ferraris and I am a simple man and that is enough for our love.

  27. cc

    The best way for her to recover from this tragedy is to go paddle boarding in a very narrow thong.

  28. Purple Haired Ireland Baldwin Grabbing Own Breast Yoga Pants
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice fish! Lol
    My claim to game is that Lauren Hanley follows me on instagram!

  29. Mama Pinkus

    I can’t be the only one who thinks this gal is super creepy.

  30. She has a head that gets wider and flatter as you go up. And a vacuous look on her face. And lets not forget her mental case fathers beady squinty eyes. No, she isn’t doing it for me.

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