Ireland Baldwin Is Single, Grabbing Her Boob

The Superficial / March 7, 2014

If you’ve been reading this site for the past year, then you’re well aware of our obsession with Ireland Baldwin and have at least asked yourself once what the hell she’s doing with a guy named Slater Trout. A question that apparently Ireland Baldwin asked herself because she dumped his ass yesterday. More importantly than any of that, is she’s clearly welcome to my advances which is how I chose to read this totally innocuous event that also suggests she’s read the pervy shit all of us have said about her, but we’re past that. We’re past that:

Ireland Baldwin Favorite Superficial Tweet

And before every thinks I’m getting carried away with this, don’t be jealous that we’re obviously going to have two pea coat and beret wearing children named Jane and Michael Banks who will visit their grandfather on Sundays and watch him call me a cocksucking faggot for letting a magic woman be their nanny. “She could fly off with them on an umbrella, you toxic little queen!” he’ll say to me over a rich afternoon meal of roast pork and savory vegetables. My what times we’ll have…

Photos: Fame/Flynet