I had nothing to do with this.

Heidi Montag released her unfortunately-named single “Superficial” today and surprisingly uses the word “bitch” in the chorus despite her Puritan lifestyle of fake tits and sharing a bed with a homosexual:

“They say I’m superficial, some call me a bitch,
They’re just mad, ’cause I’m sexy famous and I’m rich.”

My lawyer tells me I can’t sue over this, however, I’ve been advised I’m within my rights to fire-bomb their house then scatter their ashes into the Pacific to prevent cloning. Or “file a complaint with her label,” as he called it. Anyone got a lighter?