I had nothing to do with this.

November 24th, 2009 // 57 Comments

Heidi Montag released her unfortunately-named single “Superficial” today and surprisingly uses the word “bitch” in the chorus despite her Puritan lifestyle of fake tits and sharing a bed with a homosexual:

“They say I’m superficial, some call me a bitch,
They’re just mad, ’cause I’m sexy famous and I’m rich.”

My lawyer tells me I can’t sue over this, however, I’ve been advised I’m within my rights to fire-bomb their house then scatter their ashes into the Pacific to prevent cloning. Or “file a complaint with her label,” as he called it. Anyone got a lighter?

superficial

  1. Jake

    FIRST YOU LITTLE BITCHES!!!!

  2. soho

    first?

  3. Regis

    Would love to tear this bitch’s cunt to shreds!

  4. Jabron

    dis ho needs to be riding my big black cock and take my love juice all ova

  5. noodle

    i happen to have a lighter right here.

    happy to help brosive.

  6. Smile

    I like… still she won’t ever sing it live. It looks like a theme copy of Britney’s song. The only difference is Britney still has some talent and can sing. The only talent Heidy has is taking up the ass from Spencer. “Hey, if it’s dark and you gag her mouth from making a sound, it’s almost like screwing a man. Ahhh, Adam Lambert…………………..”

  7. Hewie

    Fish, sue that labia, I mean label! They are liable! I mean liars!

  8. Sarah

    my ears are bleeding. Rich, Sexy & Famous?? She really should name the song Delusional.

  9. Samma

    I’m not going to listen to it until she makes a music video for it. because if I’m going to make my ears bleed then I’m going to get some enjoyment out of her looking like an dumbass with a shitty music video.

  10. Suzy

    I really want to die now. Sarah – you put it best.

  11. supidass

    a haiku:

    *ahem*

    what i wouldn’t give
    to smear my turds in her eyes
    improving the world

  12. c

    she looks like brittaney starr

  13. Sport

    Good to see that she is humble and grounded.

  14. Haywood Jablowmie

    11: you neglected to mention a season, your haiku, although lovely, is broken.

  15. jumpin_j

    Phish, you have the best attorney ever. I say firebomb away. No court would convict you. It’s a mercy killing.

  16. tessa

    make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop

  17. BITCH MUTHER FUCKER!!!

    @3 summed it up very nicely but he missed a couple items. First pull her big mouth apart then go for her hot pompus (i do have to admit she does have a nice body and butt) butt ,(you konw with a butt like that, anal sex is a must) I cant believe she is going out with that Spencer guy. Thats it c ya!

  18. stupidass

    thanks for setting me straight #14. i have to get this right….this is fucking important shit here:

    dreams of my winter
    to smear my turds in her eyes
    improving the world

  19. I hate myself for loving her. I really do.

  20. GOD

    JESUS CHRIST…SOMEONE PLEASE RUN OVER THEM WITH A HUMMER ALREADY. THEY TOTAL ASSHOLES.

  21. gotmilk?

    “They’re just mad, ’cause I’m sexy famous and I’m rich.”

    uhh you’re none of the above.

  22. FWT

    Dude, she’s a killer fuck back in the SF days. Too bad she turned white trash.

  23. um

    I don’t care what any of you say, she is really fucking ugly. Ew.

  24. ohlookatallthestupidpeople

    In order to be a proper bitch you have to have some form of intelligence. I think Heidi Montag would be better described as a vapid, useless waste of space who clearly represents everything that is wrong with American culture.

  25. cc

    FWT….the SF days?

    Anyway, she should get shot for pic #3 alone. That fake surprise shit of hers is nauseating, and makes her look even more vacuous than usual. Which is barely possible.

    She’s got nice fair skin though, I bet her ass is like smooth and white as fine china. Throw her in a school girl skirt and I’d throw her over my knee and punish her for singing such drivel.

  26. Adam

    She’s so hot. I’d love to fuck her beautiful cunt. Thanks for keeping us updated about her. And cut your left wing bullshit; she’s fucking awesome

  27. Adam Steve

    She’s so hot. I’d love to fuck her beautiful cunt. Thanks for keeping us updated about her. And cut your left wing bullshit; she’s fucking awesome

  28. Adam Steve

    She’s so hot. I’d love to fuck her beautiful cunt. Thanks for keeping us updated about her. And cut your left wing bullshit; she’s fucking awesome

  29. Mickey01232000

    Boy are these two dillusional or what. Sexy, WTF, what is sexy about this broad. If there are 8 chicks on that show she is on she is the 10th best looking. Who would give this no talent fake boobed bubble head a recording deal? Have things become that desperate in the world of the supremely untalented that they had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for this POS. I nominate them both for target practice for the Navy off Long Beach.

  30. Anon

    Why does every talentless celebrity feel the need to record a song about how “famous” they are, and how unfair their lives are? (Anyone remember Lindsay Lohan’s “Rumors” ?)

  31. nADA

    Wow, the aids orphans in Africa must be crying tears of joy right now.

    - really, good laugh!!!!

    Good to know what a thoughtful and deep person she is. Who wrote those song lyrics? A high twelve year old? No what, that is deeply insulting to every twelve year old I know… I totally take that back. I know no child who can compare to this hot mess. Let’s just say H is on the immature side of life and leave it at that.

  32. Jimmy Fury

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting these pics fish. I’ve been really pissed at myself for quitting my job at Borders last summer just before the economy really choked on its own vomit.

    Now I’m very happy i did. I’d rather be living under a bridge than working for a company that lets that moron sign books in their stores.

  33. When I read about the song on another blog, I thought it was about THIS blog. haha

    -meream

  34. RebelMinion

    Okay. So I just started visiting this site on the suggestion of a friend.

    I am not 100% sure of what the hell is going on around here. But I am left wondering:

    Who the hell is Heidi Montag?

  35. missywissy

    Are terrorists backing Heidi and Spencer, I can’t, for the life of me, figure out who actually gives these losers money???????? I’m just trying to figure out who hates America so much that they would front money to Heidi and her “villanous” gay boyfriend. I would however pay money to see Spencer get in a fight. That would be some good fun. Let’s see the “villian” try to defend himself. now THAT’S entertainment.

  36. WB

    Sure. Doubt you and the Pratts didn’t sit down over lattes at the Coffee Bean and collabo on this shit.

  37. Boogeyman King Dong

    Lol this gonna be one big hit.

  38. Nero

    I’d expect this single soon being followed up by a leaked sextape as well.

  39. Gando

    Some parts of the lyrics ain’t that bad.

  40. Some Girl

    Sooo… She “sings” for almost 3 minutes about all of the shit that she has, but when people say that she’s superficial it’s only because they’re jealous. Why the fuck am I trying to make sense out of this anyway… Best line of the song: “I wear diamonds for breakfast.” WOW! I wear diamonds when I’m taking a shit.

  41. She wears diamonds for breakfast?

  42. Cara

    All she is doing is singing into an autotuner/vocoder. What the hell? Sooooo talented. Lol. I hate her so much for thinking she is a musician. Every single person posting here could sound just like her if they too had the electrical equipment. Not that you would want to.

  43. JoJo

    Holly Shit shes put on a good 20lbs what the fuck happened

  44. Beer Baron

    She seriously never takes a photo without that “mouth wide open and look of amazement on her face.”

  45. fdzfdz

    fuck you now my ears are bleeding

  46. Looks like she’s channeling her inner attention whore.

    Don’t strain your brain Heidi, just get naked.

  47. yes

    loving the comments from you guys…. amazing!
    especially # 20… HAHAHA

  48. Ice1

    Here is a great place——- Cougarmatching.com ——- It’s a premiere cougar dating community for older women seeking younger men and young men seeking cougars. Come in, post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the hot photo galleries. You will find someone you like here…

  49. Isabela

    GEEZ! she’s really crazier than i thought!

  50. She’s got nice fair skin though,

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