I Can Haz Jail?

September 17th, 2010 // 71 Comments

Here’s Lindsay Lohan arriving at a recording studio in LA this afternoon at just about the same time news of her failed drug test set the Internet ablaze like so many firecrotches. Which means it’s probably safe to assume whatever deal was about to happen here went right down the shitter along with her just-confirmed gig hosting SNL. Now, that said, I’m not about to speculate that Lindsay just snorted the last shreds of her career into her face, but that mostly has to do with the fact I convinced myself it ended sometime around 2005.

Never underestimate the Power of the Mind.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. The Only Hetero in this joint

    first fuckers!

  2. LindsaySuuuucks

    Sloppy seconds with freckleface

  3. BIggityBamSon

    She’ll be in 10 minutes tops…

  4. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    very sad.

    have compassion, folks. have you ever seen a happy cocaine addcit?


    many bull-sh*tters, but not happy.

    God bless her and all addicts, Ive been there, scary fckin place

    • Cock Dr

      I’m trying to have that compassion Angel but it’s damned hard when she’s probably out there right now behind the wheel of a white Maserati with a head full of blow. Hope someone doesn’t have to die before this girl cleans up her sorry act.

  5. Hugh Gentry

    When was the last time we had a fucking NSFW posting? What the fuck!?!?!?!?!?

  6. GravyLeg

    I predict a white Bronco escape plan is imminent…

    Isn’t it about time for some psycho out there to do her in?
    We need a remake of “Star 80″.

  7. herbiefrog

    …actually she wos here the moment before/…

    the article wos posted

    [try not to worry abaout it]


  8. Rufus The Cat

    It’s a shame really. This pale hamburgler would disappear if we’d all send a nice letter to the lines and stores that carry her clothes, carry he hideous visage and wondrous tits in advertising and ask ” Do you support probation dodging crack heads? If so, continue, if not, please stop the gravy train”

    Seriously, if she existed in a headless barbie form, I’d be down, but she’s just such a spoiled bitch.

    • Bunny

      Rufus, I’m down for it. Make a list and I’ll send them all a letter. Expand the project to include mags that pay her for interviews, or worse, those of her daughter-peddling famewhore mother.

  9. GravyLeg

    She needs a stalker…. (hint hint some crazy person out there)

    All he would need to do is show up with blow and he could bag her.

    “It puts the lotion on it’s freckled skin or else it gets the hose again…”

  10. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    die already

  11. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    theresa patterson
    Commented on this photo:

    leave her alone,you bunch of losers,she is just a kid,and as long as she is out there,you have something to do,you poor lonely assholes,get a life and leave her alone,how about something for her that might help her,instead of saying things like your saying.lindsay,you have to want to get clean for you,not the courts or your stupid fans,god bless you and your family,i pray that you find something to help you focus,and then you can party in moderation,your a beautiful young lady,i got my strenth from my children,who had only me to count on,then i fail back,but now i have grandchildren so i have got my strenght back again,dr,drew has a great system,i wish i had the money so i could have someone very dear to me,get help from him,he is a very smart good person,let him help he is great,theresa patterson, good luck and god bless,your honor cant you please send her to dr drew,she needs help from him i think she will take it,jail is no answer,look what it did for all the stars,nothing,people go in,then come out worse then ever,you learn to not look at any one,and try not to be beat-up or raped,what kind of help is that?i mean come on now-if any onr person cared,is this good therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    THIS is who should be negotiating with Playboy.
    The world would see ginger beaver at it finest thanks to the talents of the photographers, lighting, hair & makeup and of course Mr or Ms Photoshop artiste before final publication. Hugh, make this happen before this dumb junkie ruins what looks she has left.

  13. Racer X


  14. The real story is : where does she get the coke? The most famous drug addict in the world has to be getting coke from someone. She’s followed all the time by paparazzi and none of them know who sells her the drugs? Come on. The book or movie surrounding her score would make an ass ton of money. She’s doing coke in front of the entire world in California. All those DEA enforcements, all those FBI agents and all those cops and they can’t figure out how LIndsay Lohan gets her drugs. The most popular drug addict in the world and no one knows how she scroes her drugs? She’s been in contact with law enforcement authorities more than the President of the United States and she’s a cocoa vacum.

  15. Anonymous

    So is it a real 30 days for what the LA Sheriff considers 30 days which equates to about half hour for the guards to strip search her, take photos, and let her go.

  16. Queen of Cocaine

  17. GeneralEmergency

    My cat has a pretty bad Snickie-Snak habit and regularly gets eye-rolling shit-faced when he starts licking and sniffing on his cat-nip nanner, but surprisingly, he has -never- failed a drug test.

    Is it possible that my cat, “Man-Pussy” is smarter than Lindsay Lohan?

    I know he certainly -looks- smarter.

  18. catpaws

    I just saw a fifteen year old girl at the hardware store that was trying to look like Lindsay. It’s so pathetic that our youngsters look up to this twit as something they want to aspire to be when they grow up.

    • HoldenR

      The real question is, “Did you try to fuck her?”

      • God

        You have made great strides in the past two decades, but the pendulum shall swing my yang. It shall swing and today marks the beginning.
        God has patiently waited to go online, much like a second competitor in business who captures a market more successfully than the original who created the market.
        Now watch in awe Satan

  19. Joe

    At lest when she’s in jail the media doesn’t report on her 24 hours a day, everyone forgets that she is alive, and there is always world peace.

  20. la chica

    Shakel must be going insane right about now.

  21. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    best caption ever.

  22. Randog

    So, she snorted a little coke, doesn’t everyone in LA? Yet Spencer & Heidi are still allowed to stage photo-ops? Seems someone should point the Lohan so she can run them over. That would be 3 gone in 1 strike. I would also like to see that Armenian family of fat-asses involved. Maybe Lohan could drive a cement truck and run them all over?

  23. HoldenR

    Hi cunt. Nice freckles. Can I get a $10 handjob please? Or are they on sale this week?

  24. jumpin_j

    cokayne, it haz a flavr. jayl, DO NOT WANT! kthxbye.

  25. Jesus girl dont waste any time lol. Can we screw before u surrender, may as well go for broke.. Its the bar with the bikes out front

  26. Marcus

    Hey good for her, she’s really consistent !!

    • Jon and Kate plus Hate

      Yeah guys take it easy, it looks like our girl Lindsey has found something she is good at. Who knew being a coke whore could be a career. I don’t remember my high school counselor telling me about that color of my freaking parachute.

  27. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a porsche cayman

  28. BB

    Who cares, stupid LAPD will let her out in 2 days.

  29. BB

    and stupid judge too!

  30. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she get her nose whittled off? What happened to her face?

  31. la chica

    bitch just admitted that she is an addict. finally!!!!!

  32. Milk-a-holic

    She looks like a Vegas stroller in these photos.

  33. andrew

    It was funny for a while. It’s just sad now.

  34. Yep

    I predict nothing will happen! Like always she will get a little tap on the wrist and be sent on her merry way. After all, shes in “HOLLYWOOD”

    • Al

      She got sent to jail last time. It wasn’t just a tap on the wrist. I don’t see why you would think that couldn’t happen again.

  35. captain america

    see it this way: SHE IS GREENER THAN “GREEN” IN JAIL………..

  36. Tony

    The next statement from her, delivered by her beloved Twitter, will be. “i’ve been set up, those people at the drug lab are totally out to get me. I’ll prove my innocence, you guys.” Because she believes that the whole world is like a bad movie script (the only kind she gets to see).

    • Vito

      Right. Then she’ll demand another apology. Looser cunt.

      I still think she’s physically attractive and would be a great fuck, but for Christsake, she’s getting away with murder — and she’s the murder victim!

  37. RtSS

    You know what…? As much as I dislike this freckled faced spoiled beyotch, I’d do her. I hate to admit that. But her in those hooker boots in the last two or three postings. I’d lay down the hard wood on her. LiLo, call me, you will feel me in all three of your love tunnels. Yes, even that sweet dirt hole of yours. As for the girl following her, I’d lay wood to her too. Mystery girl, call me. You will enyoy my schlong. She’s hot, LiLo’s not.

  38. Viv

    It was all a mistake, she didn’t fail he drug test, it was her prescription that showed up on the results, her lawyers are seeing about that, you will hear all about it on monday, just wait and see.

    • Yet it never showed up before …

      Sorry you feel the need to make excuses for (probably ‘fellow’) addicts. I for one lost my last drop of compassion for them years ago. Deep down addicts want someone to care and intervene, well they did. She fucked it up. Now she can rot in jail sucking coke from a balloon that just came out of her mother’s herpes-infested anus.

      • Viv

        Is my English that off? I mean it’s not my first language but I was almost certain the sarcasm was pretty obvious. Do you guys not have sarcasm there, or is it just you that don’t get it?

    • piper

      Your sarcasm was perfect. I got it :)

  39. Matthew

    party mom din’s excuess in 3.2.1….

  40. She finally admits to being a drug addict loser on her twitter… http://www.twitter.com/lindsaylohan

  41. Heath

    sheesh, I poked my head in here for a laff and it’s just internet bickering.


  42. someone needs to just drive her ass out into the middle of the desert and drop her off.

    problem solved.

  43. Kevin

    I’d do here hard and over and over again. That said, I just wish this skank would od and go away, after she kills her parents

  44. Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish this bitch, and every other famewhore like her, would just get it over with already and overdose herself to death. This talentless, useless sack of shit is a living, breathing waste of flesh and resources. There are people in this world who don’t even have access to clean water to drink, food to eat, and who can’t go to sleep at night without fear that they and their children won’t wake up in the morning. This bitch squanders every chance and every dollar she has been given, and has the nerve to turn around and blow coke up her nose like it’s all just a big fucking joke. Take every dollar she, and every other spoiled rotten Hollywood famewhore has, and give it to someone who could really use it to, you know, SURVIVE. Those people don’t want cocaine and limousines, they just want a fucking drink of water!!! Why should they die, while this dirty bitch pouts in front of a camera about how bad life treats her? Let her rot. Her, and Paris Hilton, and Heidi Montag, and Snooki, and every other useless waste of millions of dollars. Shame on every single one of us who pays any attention. And we wonder why terrorists hate us so fucking much…Look at these mindless morons who represent us. While people over on the other side of the world have to fight and struggle every day to survive, over here in America, we have a useless mass of idiots all trying to be rich and famous, all trying to be the next reality TV star. These idiots don’t even see how good they have it. And when the rest of the world sees that shit, they assume that the entire country must be that way. To them, we are uselss, wasteful, lazy, stupid, selfish, and ungrateful for anything we have. I hate to say it, but, if we took a good long look in the mirror…are they all that wrong?

  45. JollyJumJuck

    Okay, I was going to comment on this story, but that FUCKING ad static.ak.fbcdn.net slowed the page load to a five-minute sit-and-spin.


  46. F*@k!!

    So now her dad is blaming her “enablers”??? She’s attending AA after the positive tests?? please Lindsay Lohan, just fuck off and never come back–There’s nobody here interested in you except those of us who have dibs on when you completely self-destruct….

  47. Rhialto

    Hm,this could be bad news for her career.She can only hope that the faith in her will remain (as far what’s left).

  48. Gando

    If i was her.. Get rid of the wrong ‘friends’.Otherwise your career isn’t going to pull it together.

  49. yohan

    Dumb as a bag o hammers…Welcome to the machine lindsay

Leave A Comment