Hulk Hogan Doesn’t Have A Giant, Thermos-Like Penis, Burn Everything

If there’s one thing I could always hang my hat on in this topsy-turvy world gone mad, it’s the fact that Hulk Hogan has a giant, child’s lunchbox Thermos-sized penis, which he used to plow Heather Clem in a sex tape while visibly being way more interested in the bed canopy and talking about how much he hates his daughter “fucking n-ggers.” Except thanks to his $100 million lawsuit against Gawker finally going to court, my life no longer has purpose or meaning. I’m adrift in a sea of non-Thermos-sized cocks. The New York Post reports:

During cross-examination in a Florida courtroom, Hogan was confronted with a 2006 interview about his genitalia.
The back-and-forth between Hogan and shock-jock Bubba the Love Sponge Clem featured Hogan’s former best friend claiming, “I’ve seen it before” and saying, “hard, you’re probably 7 or 8 inches.”
“Dude, I’ve got size 15 (shoes), I wear a size 15 ring … Figure it out,” answers Hogan, who says a man’s penis is “two-thirds the size of your feet and hands.”
“So, Hogan, you’re claiming, you’re claiming to maybe have a 10-inch c–k?” Bubba asked.
“I’m not claiming. Those are the facts, Jack,” Hogan replied.
A lawyer for Gawker — which posted hidden-camera video of Hogan having sex with Bubba’s then-wife, Heather Clem, in 2007 — then asked if Hogan had “any doubt … that you were discussing the length of your penis?”
“Well, it’s not mine, because mine isn’t that size, but we were discussing the length of Hulk Hogan’s,” the former wrestler, whose real name is Terry Bollea, replied.
“Seriously?” Gawker lawyer Michael Sullivan asked.
“No, seriously, I do not have a 10-inch penis. No, I do not. Seriously. Believe that. Seriously,” Hogan said.
Sullivan then asked if Hogan was “discussing Hulk Hogan’s penis.”
“Yeah, because Terry Bollea’s penis is not 10 inches, like you’re trying to say,” Hogan responded.

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