Hulk Hogan Wants To Be Played By Thor In Biopic

August 20th, 2013 // 9 Comments
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Oh, good, he remembered the Thermos penis. I like where this is going.

While everyone may be buzzing about BatGuy vs. Superperson or Iron Man & Friends: Age of Haha! You Still Haven’t Made Justice League, the real talk around Hollywood is the Hulk Hogan biopic which will make Rocky IV look like a Commie love letter to Osama bin Laden written in French. So naturally Hulkamania has the perfect casting choice and it’s a goddamn deity. The Cape Breton Post reports:

CP: TMZ had asked you if your son would play you onscreen and you said that sounds like a good idea.
HH: I said he’d be perfect for it but I think we need a serious, serious actor that knows what he’s doing. You know who I thought would be good? That guy that did that action movie, ‘Thor.’

“Let me tell you something, brotha, when Thor grabs his hammer and goes into battle, that’s like the Hulkamania stepping into the ring every single time. Also, I like to think of my penis as a mythical hammer. A mythical hammer that sometimes goes into my buddy’s wives because its ways are mysterious and not for humans to understand. You following me, brotha? It’s like it doesn’t subscribe to our mortal ways or even care about weird social hang-ups on father/daughter relationships. It just makes THUND- Wait, wait, what’s happening? Was my mustache talking again? I blacked out for a minute.”


  1. So the Hulk Hogan biopic will do what for us, illustrate that morons with little discernible talent will gladly adopt a ridiculous clownish persona to get even stupider people to part with their money? We need more of that, since there’s only so many Kardashians in the world.

  2. That is all this wood needs, another lousy Hulk movie.

  3. You found this story in the Cape Breton Post? Fish, if you’re browsing the newspapers of small town Nova Scotia for entertainment news, you are working TOO HARD.

  4. anonymous

    Biopics of people who are still living (and can’t play themselves) usually end up on straight to cable.

    Between, Thor movies, Avenger movies and Snow White movies, I think Chris is book up solid for the next few years to be worried about doing TV.

  5. I wonder who they’ll get to play Bubba the Love Sponge’s wife?

  6. only hulk hogan, brooke hogan, and women who look just like brooke hogan will watch this.

  7. Jenn

    Hogan is full of shit if he thinks he ever looked anything like Hemsworth. I’ll still watch if Hemsworth is taking off his shirt.

  8. Mickey Rourke already did a Hulk Hogan Biopic five years ago.

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