Hulk Hogan Wants To Be Played By Thor In Biopic

Oh, good, he remembered the Thermos penis. I like where this is going.

While everyone may be buzzing about BatGuy vs. Superperson or Iron Man & Friends: Age of Haha! You Still Haven’t Made Justice League, the real talk around Hollywood is the Hulk Hogan biopic which will make Rocky IV look like a Commie love letter to Osama bin Laden written in French. So naturally Hulkamania has the perfect casting choice and it’s a goddamn deity. The Cape Breton Post reports:

CP: TMZ had asked you if your son would play you onscreen and you said that sounds like a good idea.
HH: I said he’d be perfect for it but I think we need a serious, serious actor that knows what he’s doing. You know who I thought would be good? That guy that did that action movie, ‘Thor.’

“Let me tell you something, brotha, when Thor grabs his hammer and goes into battle, that’s like the Hulkamania stepping into the ring every single time. Also, I like to think of my penis as a mythical hammer. A mythical hammer that sometimes goes into my buddy’s wives because its ways are mysterious and not for humans to understand. You following me, brotha? It’s like it doesn’t subscribe to our mortal ways or even care about weird social hang-ups on father/daughter relationships. It just makes THUND- Wait, wait, what’s happening? Was my mustache talking again? I blacked out for a minute.”