Hugh Hefner looks thrilled to be alive

April 7th, 2009 // 52 Comments

Here’s Hugh Hefner clearly having the time of his life at his 83rd birthday party last night. I took the liberty of adding captions to each of these photos so you guys can experience the joy of being an octogenarian surrounded by fake-breasted money-grubbing whores. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Photos: Flynet

  1. PunkA

    Last I checked Viagra may keep you up all night, just not awake all night. Hef needs a nap. And adult diapers. He is done. Put a fork in him.

  2. marketingwiz

    Unfortunately, Hugh Hefner has become a parody of himself. What a shame.

  3. matt

    Ok, fine. Show me another 83 year old guy who’s having more fun.

  4. Why does he feel the need to keep that playboy image going? but that is a sure way to go man! being encircle by hot whores…

  5. Could you image listeing to Kendra for all those years. That would make anyone tired for the next decade.

  6. .

    Whores? WTF SW?

  7. Savalas

    At my grandfather’s 83rd birthday, his 3 children and his 8 grandchildren had dinner at his house and sang happy birthday to him.

    Was it all worth it, Hef?

  8. I maybe able to help Hef, if he cant get it up for the dark skin chick…

  9. Laughing idiot

    “Wake me when it’s time for intercourse. Or soup. I like soup”

    I peed a thimbleful.

  10. I am SO updating my Deadpool picks.

    @ 9- now you smell like Hef.

  11. TMI

    Hef’s had a great life. He should relax and be honest about what his life is like now. Forget the “hot babes” because they’ve become garish as he’s lost his sex drive, which used to point him (so to speak) in the direction of the most attractive girls. Now they’re like the clothes that old people wear – for some reason, always way too loud and cheap-looking. He should admit that these days, sex isn’t what give him please. Now it’s bowel movements. The best days are when he has a really nice one: not too big, not too hard, but substantial enough, and soft enough to fall out without too much straining, but not so soft that it looks like diarrhea’s cousin in the bowl, and requires endless wiping with a painfully arthritic hand, followed by the hated soft-feces/excessive-toilet paper mixture that forms a toilet-plugging softball. And 9 times out of 10, the toilet overflows, scattering the now partially disintegrated fecal logs over the floor, where their peanut-flecks catch the light in a nauseating constellation (centered on Uranus, naturally).

    So that’s what on Hef’s mind, and it sure does show these days.

  12. smarg

    He’s jammed a lot of girls. RIP, Hef.

  13. Max Planck

    What we are not getting here is the eye watering smell of perfume, hairspray and Depends.

  14. Muslim Ape in the White House

    I’m B’lack Oboombox,

    And by going to the G20 summit, standing on the world stage, and acting like a complete and utter incompetent fool, apologizing to Terrorist Muslims, vowing support of Palestine against jews, apologizing to the world for the United States for helping countless nations and hundreds of millions of people in their fight against hunger, disease, Aids, and ruthless dictator’s. Proving that I’m a muslim sympathizing radical leftist with dreams of destroying the US and helping muslim terrorists control the planet, proving to my critics that I’m just a crooked leftist anti-american shitbag who really does believe in the views of Jeremiah Wright, Farakhan, & the terrorist Bill Ayers, I will create jobs. Change!


  16. Yez

    You wish you could be half as successful as Hef.

  17. PunkA

    You know you are done and you just do not have it anymore when a room full of playmates no longer does anything for you. Sorry Hef, but a playboy you aren’t. All that was missing from those photos was a close up of drool. Hefner…..Hefner….Hefner…..

  18. I would totally bone Hef to get in Playboy….

  19. The man is ahead of his time…Maybe it will be perfectly fine for octagenarians to frequent night clubs couple of years from now…

  20. I wonder how many times he gets confused about which bimbo is fucking him and calls out the wrong name.

  21. dude_on

    Hef has his own legacy (good/bad – debatable) but men in the Western World owe him some debt of gratitude. He established a soft-core platform to exploit women (dude thought of it first) right in the face of all of those baggage laden feminists who were shoveling equality, independence etc for women. And he did it on such a large stage that he eventually help shape the prominent whore culture that is popular today. I ask you… are there more feminists today or chicks sliding down poles? Hef is an icon that will be studied for centuries.

  22. nemo

    Anyone know who the girl in the purple dress is?

  23. @20 – He’s ahead of his time alright. The Early Bird Special was HOURS ago.


  24. I imagine sex with Hef to be similar to stuffing a marshmallow in a piggy bank.

  25. ZANNA!!!! GUY!!!111

  26. JANEY!!!!!111 ….ha ha ha..Marshmallow in a piggy bank…….AWESOME!

  27. Zanna!!!!!!!!!1111 Janey!!!!!!!!!!!11

  28. Dan Montana

    Well he’s still getting his asshole licked by hot chicks

  29. Dan Montana

    Well he’s still getting his asshole licked by hot chicks

  30. Nero

    He’s probably dreaming about bald headed women.

  31. Rhialto

    Did he just finished some intensive cardio training?

  32. The black women hanging out with Hugh looks like she’s on lunch break.

  33. Alfalfa

    It’s the new movie Weekend At Hefner’s

  34. JT

    looks likes it’s time to put the old goat in a nursing home already, and you just know all the former playmates will come visit him all the time, for a fee that is!

  35. SucreKID

    he’s not sleeping or dead you numbskullz he’s on his crackberry

  36. Zoltan

    C’mon , guys, I’m 40, and I know I’ve looked worse than that at 2 o’clock in the morning when trying to keep up with my (one) wife who is only 5 years younger than me.

    Janey – the marshmellow part is funny, but your vagina = piggy bank?

  37. Mr T

    At least he can put some sunglasses on and look a little cool

  38. He's a perv

    This dying fuck is partly responsible for the plasticizing of our women by promoting fake tits. Why can’t he date women his own age? He really is greedy and disgusting to be rubbing soft gray pubed piss dripping dick against certainly repulsed young whores. Why couldn’t he find something else to do with his time with all his money? Sick.

  39. vito

    He doesn’t date women his own age because you can’t go down on old ladies…

    Ever try pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

  40. ……………………AS GOOD AS IT GETS?

  41. I’d screw him if that meant being financially supported and living in a mansion. I took it in the ass from a 53 year old so what’s another 30 years?

  42. Mike

    Who’s the blonde? She looks like Brande Roderick…uber hot!

  43. Ninny

    @dude_on: Hef’s a sad old man. He may have been the first to invent industrialized objectification of women, but that could not stop women from evolving beyond the fifties idea of everything being about pleasing men. Sorry, you lose. No matter how many sorry-ass skanks there are willing to fark anything to appear in this lame whore catalog Playdough, there are bright, successful girls who know their worth and laugh at men like this. And who needs a disgusting old pervert to support them?? Work for your own money, honey!

  44. wet newspaper

    LOLLLL @ #11

    that’s totally fucking gross but hilarious at the same time.

  45. Rique

    You people read this all wrong, Hef is texting his next booty call!

  46. chupacabra

    what a sad ole fuck.

  47. Bobaloo

    Pics 2 & 3: She felt old age creeping up on her.

  48. Deacon Jones

    @39 Jealous, fat cow?

    It’s not his fault hundreds of thousands of women across the country will do anything for money , including dolling themselves up and settling for a bunch of old limp dicks, just so they can crash his Benz into a curb while they’re talking on their Motorola Dolce Cabanna-styled phone bitching how bored they are.

  49. dude_on

    Ninny – I know there are women who have class. It would be great if their stature/achievements would motivate others to look at them as role models – there are already enough pole dancers.

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