Hugh Hefner Isn’t Giving Inheritance to Kids Without Sobriety Test

Hugh Hefner’s kids better lay off the sauce (and other substances) if they want to see any of their Playboy inheritance. Turns out ol’ Hef put a provision in his will that revokes access to his estate if any of the trustees are found to be dependent on drugs or alcohol.

It’s pretty smart, if you ask me. Most of everyone I know who magically had a massive amount of cash fall into their lap wound up throwing a $450,000 crack party.

The document was obtained by E! News:

Most notably, the businessman outlined a substance abuse clause prohibiting any beneficiaries—his widow and four adult children—from receiving any distributions from the trust if they are using illegal drugs or dependent on alcohol. If so, they are suspended from the trust until they have been substance-free for 12 months. If the trustees suspect a beneficiary has been using illegal substances, they can request testing and, if the results indicate use, that beneficiary can consent to treatment paid for by their suspended trust distribution. (E! News)

Growing up in the heyday of Paris Hilton, I always figured Hollywood inheritances were solely meant to be pissed away on booze and coke. I guess this is progress? 2017/18 is weird. What fun is being young and having a ton of money if you can’t take the occasional trip to Bali and act like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas?

Hef also made sure no money-grubbing love children came showing up out of the woodworks looking to have their palms greased…

However, he was also clear that he did not want any spouse or former spouse of his to serve as a trustee and included a plan of action for any people who may arise claiming to be his child.

As the documents state, “I expressly disinherit and exclude from any benefit under this Trust Agreement any person who claims to be a child of mind, including any child of mine conceived after my death, unless such child lived with me in my household and was acknowledged by me in writing to be my child.” (E! News)

Basically, if you didn’t hang out with Hugh while he was shitting his pants in geriatric diapers, you’re no child of his. Even if your face is the spitting image of young Hefner crossed with a coat-check girl at the Beverly Hills Hotel, zombie Hugh Hefner is defending his fortune from the grave. It does open up the possibility for a great story down the line: Hefner Heir Blocked from Inheritance, Can’t Put Down the Jenkem.

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