Hugh Hefner’s Old Prostitutes Bring Him Comfort in His Time of Need

June 15th, 2011 // 45 Comments

“What do those words say down there? I’m cold and hungry.”

After Crystal Harris dumped Hugh Hefner‘s five days before their wedding because he wouldn’t give her a bigger allowance (No, really.), his “Girls Next Door” rushed to his side per the severance agreement they all signed before leaving his employ. Via E! News:

Bridget Marquardt:
“Just stopped by the mansion 2 give @hughhefner a hug. He seems to be handling this well. He even had a sense of humor about it! #LoveUHef”

Kendra Wilkinson:
“@hughhefner we r comin over w some jack n coke… oh n a pipe lol” (Note: This has since been deleted. I can’t imagine why.)

Holly Madison:
“U r too sweet. Wish I was there to support, too! RT @KendraWilkinson: @hughhefner we r comin over w some jack n coke… oh n a pipe lol” (And that’s how you toss a bitch under the bus. RETWEET, HO!)

Since then, current Playmate of the Year Claire Sinclair has offered her support or else she doesn’t get a bonus at the end of the month:

“He deserves better,” said Sinclair, who will be appearing on Howard Stern’s radio show tomorrow morning. “It’s a selfish move to do it so suddenly. She should have been a little more adult about it and decided months ago. To put people through this five days before a wedding, I think it’s horrific.”

A gold-digger acting selfish? I thought I’d never see the day. Fortunately, we live in a fair and just world where the rich can triumph over adversity and pwn a hooker with their clever movie selections. Take it away, Hugh:

Since we’re not getting married on Saturday, I’ve scheduled a movie: “Runaway Bride.” Seems appropriate.

“And I’m gonna gum my oatmeal as loud as I want the whole time, so take that, Kaiser! Boy, ready the telemotron device, I crave moving pictures.” *puts on aviator goggles*

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Poison Ivy League

    Those girls are missing the sunglasses for Hugh “Weekend at Bernie’s” Hefner.

  2. Go Galt

    There is something seriously mental about all of these women. They take golddigging to a new low of depravity — and everyone thinks they’re cute and funny and treats them like celebrities. What a loser country we’ve become.

    • Um...really?

      Not everyone thinks they’re cute and funny. That was a generalization.

    • Dan

      Who is John Galt?!?

    • Drew

      America is an easy scapegoat.

      I think someone is a little jealous that some has-been, washed up old man still has women all over him, while Go Galt is posting on gossip blogs wondering why sluts won’t even fuck him.

      • watson

        Ah Drew there is no need to wonder why a younger woman gets with a much older man a la Anna Nicole. The fucking money. Get real.

    • AleisterCrowley

      Why are you blaming America? It’s simple prostitution. Sex for room and board. These girl’s parents are fucked up as well. It’s ok that your daughter is fucking an old man for a living? It’s a good gig if you can get it I guess.

      • Jon

        The reality shows, the blogs, the tweets, the sites like this talking about it? That’s got America written all over it. Playboy the brand has America written all over it. For the record, Playboy show no labia, because USA is prudish about labia.

  3. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Cher X
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you sure she’s a playmate? She’s brunette, her hair isn’t fried, and her skin isn’t the color and texture of leather…

    Oh wait, huge implants. Never mind.

  4. Randolph Duke

    i want to suck on holly madison’s sweet pink asshole…

  5. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    slein
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me or does she look like a tranny with a boob job here?

  6. Instantkarma

    How dare you ridicule the man who made it acceptable to publish photos of nude women. A man who facilitated the masturbatory activities of millions, nay billions of men, and some women. I fear a day of reckoning for you and your readers…….

  7. Deacon Jones

    Has anyone else gone to the American Apparel website?

    Their whole company is based on semi-nude teen girls marketing clothes, I’m surprised it’s not blocked at work.

  8. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    NYC I Banker
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like they are holding up a corpse. Sorry girls, but that idea has already been done as a movie (or two) …

  9. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    taz
    Commented on this photo:

    Could she possibly put on anymore makeup to hide that horse’s (ass) face!!

  10. runaway bride lol, can’t fault him for his sense of humor. is jennifer “popeye” wilbanks still single?

  11. the captain

    ……….BLESS THIS MAN, girls!!

  12. “Aww dang,” Hef thought to himself, “my testicles are sticking out of my pant leg again.”

  13. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Commented on this photo:

    Hah, someone can’t tell the Madame Tussauds wax figure of Holly from the real one! Uh…wait….

  14. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Commented on this photo:

    “Now when did that bitch start lookin’ like a pumpkin? Damn.”

  15. I’m sure Hef is really broken up about that completely irreplaceable airheaded, bleach blond, fake boobed, golddigging skank…they don’t just grow on trees you know. He’s going to be really lonely now, until the E! network casts him a new set later this afternoon.

    Hell, I can’t even tell these chicks apart, they’re so goddamn generic…and I’m not an old senile 85 year old. Hef probably just calls them all “Honey” and has no idea that they’re not the same ones from 20 years ago.

  16. Rancid

    So now the poor old man will die alone… surrounded by wads of cash, booze, coke, and whores. Let us all take a quiet moment and reflect upon our own good fortune the good Lord gives us.

  17. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Bob
    Commented on this photo:

    “I play football? You sure?”

  18. Saul Berg

    Hef’s not looking so good . Somebody get him his heart medicine , Quick

  19. I bet he has a gumball machine filled with Viagra next to his bed. We should all be old and so lucky.

  20. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Crotch
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like the troll that guards the gravy in my fridge, or looks like the gravy in my fridge guarded by the troll

  21. Dr Ha-Ha

    Isn’t this scene so beautiful – 2 parasites at the ready to suck all the energy out of the old fart who has more money than sense.

  22. Toby Weymiller

    I heard she tried to Jennifer Kolone his ass.

  23. major

    just another apple in the playboy orchard. that dr phil booty call just cost this dummy 8 figures. go club on that.

  24. tg

    Nobody will be more happy than that Holly cunt. She tries to make out she isn’t a golddigger like the rest. what a joke she is the worst one

  25. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    That is what a real woman looks like before they Photoshop it.

  26. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Commented on this photo:

    i think it moved!!

  27. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Commented on this photo:

    who’s got two hands and loves old balls? this girl!

  28. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    jumpbreaker
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boobs are real (she says it and it looks like it on playboy pics). And she was voted the 2011 playmate of the year.

  29. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    Marco
    Commented on this photo:

    Great body, but, judging from the fat storage areas and amount of makeup applied, that thing has a shelf life of about 3-4 years, then, it’s fat pants and KFC.

  30. vinny

    The owner of this site is a self centered pretentious bitch. And all of the people messaging are self righteous fucks.

  31. Girls Next Door Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris Claire Sinclair
    erica
    Commented on this photo:

    i think shes the most beautiful and natural looking from all the whore mates

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