Hugh Hefner’s Gonna Make It

June 27th, 2011 // 62 Comments

“This isn’t my oatmeal!”

Here’s Hugh Hefner hosting his sixth annual Kandyland bash with his new girlfriend Anna Sophia Berglund because I guarantee he’s just picking them like numbers at a deli counter now. “Whore-der #73! 73? You 73? I made a poop.” But while he spent the evening pretending he knows what year it is, his former fiancee Crystal Harris spent her weekend trying to pawn Hugh’s engagement ring because gold-diggers dig gold. TMZ reports:

The owner asked Harris if there was any documentation on the quality of the ring (cut, clarity, etc.,) but the playmate was in the dark. So Crystal called over to the Playboy Mansion — on speaker phone — for info on the ring. The person on the other end of the line offered to fax Crystal the info — but not immediately — so Crystal left.
Our spy overheard the owner telling Crystal he was sorry to hear about Hef, to which Crystal replied, “Are you kidding? It was all for publicity.”

You know, I make a lot of cracks about Hugh, mostly because computers frighten him, but I’ll have a new-found respect for him if that ring ends up being cubic zirconia. The wily bastard probably keeps a bag of them in his nightstand next to the Werther’s Original. “See? Hugh promised to make an honest woman out of you, and just look at that sparkle. Now give his ol’ humdinger the sousaphone succotash, my little chickadee. ♫ Old man riverrrrrrr… ♫

Photo: Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. here’s hoping chumley gives her 20 cents on the dollar. he wants to win that steak dinner!

  2. Noel

    nice control tops, hefner’s heffer.

    • Facebook Me

      I saw that too. A little chunky than what he usually goes for. Pretty face though, doesn’t look like her paper route was in Iraq, like Crystal Harris’s was.

  3. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund Playboy Kandyland Party
    nikkiejanee
    Commented on this photo:

    I like the dead smile of Hef’s new girlfriend……like holy crap…now “I” have to have sex with him

  4. RoboZombie

    The sousaphone succotash!! Jesus, I’m in tears over here laughing my ass off. Thank god no one else is in the office yet!

  5. mensa

    She is that creepy skinny/chunky that can only mean one thing: bulimia.

  6. the captain

    read my lips: HE ALREADY HAS.

  7. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    franticCORPSE
    Commented on this photo:

    what is up with this chicks boobs?

  8. Paris Hilton Playboy Kandyland Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Her left eye says “stroke”, but her right eye says “I’m gonna stab you in your sleep tonight”.

  9. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund Playboy Kandyland Party
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s just like living in Barbi’s Dreamhouse, except that Ken shits into a bag.”

  10. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    Commented on this photo:

    She totally skipped junior prom for this event. Man, is her mom gonna be mad.

  11. Paris Hilton Playboy Kandyland Party
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I see cum-dumpster Hilton was there.

  12. blahblahblah

    Cubic zirconia.

    Or Pubic. Either one.

  13. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Double your pleasure, double your gonorrhea?

  14. Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Chops
    Commented on this photo:

    So I take it the only celebrities to show up at this event were Hef, the bit he mimes plowing nightly, the Shannon twins and Paris Hilton?
    I’d say it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel but I doubt anyone would put their arm in the receptacle that held this cargo.

  15. Anon

    What the hell is cuba zirconia? CUBIC??

  16. Everyone take a lesson

    Ya girl left you days before the wedding? Don’t do the pussy thing and weep over the fickle bitch.

    Go get yourself a decent piece of ass and fuck the shit out of her, sexual healing works every time and proves your a man, not a vagina.

  17. Karissa Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Bosco
    Commented on this photo:

    So there were 6 people there… did we really need 40 pics?

  18. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    NYC I Banker
    Commented on this photo:

    same bitches over and over in all the photos. BORING!

  19. Glight

    Please stop with the insane Bing ads. When on your mobile it’s not even letting you opt out of the ad. I will never use bing now, and I’m about to go to another site for celeb crotch shots and nip slips. I don’t want to leave my beloved thesuperficial though.

    • Drew

      No you’re not, but just to humor you… Go learn how website/blog advertisement works, especially when you are a part of a larger group (in this case, Buzzmedia). I’ll sum it up for you:

      Fish himself has very little control over what ads get displayed on his site and a lot of them are regional based.

  20. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    megacondenser
    Commented on this photo:

    want. just, want.

  21. dotmatrix

    If she ever wakes up feeling funny in the middle of the night, it’s probably just old age crawling on.

  22. It had to be said

    If Hef were really on his game the “diamonds” would be ice. Literally ice. Let her pawn that crap.

  23. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    Commented on this photo:

    By my estimation, there were 7 people at this party. Hef and his rebound, The twins, Bald chick, Washed up white girl, and the aforementioned chick with the boobs.

  24. Oooh the whore has been replaced by another whore what a surprise

  25. Isn’t that Isla Fisher? Does Hefner share her with Baron Cohen?

  26. Hugh Hefner Anna Sophia Berglund Playboy Kandyland Party
    Jenna
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie Sheen take notice of a man who is actually winning.

  27. He’s the founder of Playboy so I certainly never doubt he’ll have a whole bunch of gold digging bimbo tramps around him until he passes away. Just goes to show what lengths some women will go to for a chance at wealth.

  28. Clarence Beeks

    she is FUGLY as hell. And chunky.

    • That’s really going out of your way just to admit you’re gay.

    • bj

      I don’t know, Clarence. Her boobs are pretty fucking huge and she’s still pretty thin. Body-wise, she’s set. Her face looks a little weird, but still pretty hot. I think you are probably gay. Sorry, man.

    • vitobonespur

      She’s a doll with a dynamite body. You seem to forget, women are supposed to be round. Muscle-bound and/or scrawny just don’t cut it.

  29. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Umm…the dress code is fake boobs and BLOND hair, I’m surprised she wasn’t taken out and beaten.

  30. Paris Hilton Playboy Kandyland Party
    Your Momma's Valtrex
    Commented on this photo:

    Whore is overdressed for this kind of an event. Oh, and really nice from her to cross her legs to prevent her diseased twat from hanging down.

  31. Nik

    ha! gold diggers gonna dig

  32. Richard McBeef

    kanye underbite alert.

  33. Allison Wunderlan

    Which one gets returned to Madame Tussaud’s?

  34. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Now mom and dad can be doubly proud, when they go to 7-11 and say, “My daughters’ are in that magazine!”

  35. When is he finally going to get back together with his true love, Olive Oyl?

  36. Paris Hilton Playboy Kandyland Party
    I know
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess all the whores were out in full force that night. Round up your whores.

  37. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    I know
    Commented on this photo:

    You know you failed at parenting when……….

  38. tlmck

    Looks like a convention of Skanks-R-Us.

  39. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    Arzach
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow , hot brunette with fake overflowing boobs, I want that.

  40. Claire Sinclair Playboy Kandyland Party
    Melissa
    Commented on this photo:

    Homely as HELL.

  41. Melissa

    Those 2 twins are the only ones that are actually pretty. These other ones look like trolls. They have big tits which makes them ‘hot’ to the guys that come to these type of sites but in reality they are average at best looking. Playboy fell off.

  42. Robert Acquafresca

    You people are surprised that Hef loses one gold digging skank and soon ends up with another?

    Its like being surprised Michael Jackson fondled one child, paid him off, and then did it again with a replacment from another poor, star crazed family .

    I am shocked at all this.

  43. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    CKW
    Commented on this photo:

    I can see your front and back at the same time without a mirror!

  44. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Nice
    Commented on this photo:

    Double the trashy

  45. Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Normal Male
    Commented on this photo:

    Which Shannon skank had the pet monkey that is in prison now? Hef better lock up his valuables!

  46. Anonymous

    Ugh those twins are so not attractive. They are just creepy, the fact that they pose naked together is so gross.

  47. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    lovejesss
    Commented on this photo:

    double trashy double ugly

  48. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Tiffany
    Commented on this photo:

    SLUTS!

  49. Return of a BLACKDUDE

    Damn, those are some nice ass thighs right there. I would not hate having my head squeezed between those things.

  50. Karissa Shannon Kristina Shannon Playboy Kandyland Party
    Return of a BLACKDUDE
    Commented on this photo:

    I have a chair if they need one. Its called my face

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