Hugh Hefner’s Gonna Make It

“This isn’t my oatmeal!”

Here’s Hugh Hefner hosting his sixth annual Kandyland bash with his new girlfriend Anna Sophia Berglund because I guarantee he’s just picking them like numbers at a deli counter now. “Whore-der #73! 73? You 73? I made a poop.” But while he spent the evening pretending he knows what year it is, his former fiancee Crystal Harris spent her weekend trying to pawn Hugh’s engagement ring because gold-diggers dig gold. TMZ reports:

The owner asked Harris if there was any documentation on the quality of the ring (cut, clarity, etc.,) but the playmate was in the dark. So Crystal called over to the Playboy Mansion — on speaker phone — for info on the ring. The person on the other end of the line offered to fax Crystal the info — but not immediately — so Crystal left.
Our spy overheard the owner telling Crystal he was sorry to hear about Hef, to which Crystal replied, “Are you kidding? It was all for publicity.”

You know, I make a lot of cracks about Hugh, mostly because computers frighten him, but I’ll have a new-found respect for him if that ring ends up being cubic zirconia. The wily bastard probably keeps a bag of them in his nightstand next to the Werther’s Original. “See? Hugh promised to make an honest woman out of you, and just look at that sparkle. Now give his ol’ humdinger the sousaphone succotash, my little chickadee. ♫ Old man riverrrrrrr… ♫

Photo: Splash News, WENN