Hugh Hefner’s Gonna Die Alone

A few months ago, Crystal Harris was rumored to be banging Dr. Phil’s son behind Hugh Hefner’s back. Possibly even literally, the man’s insanely old. Fast forward to today where TMZ reports Hef has decided not to make Crystal a permanent employee at the Playboy Mansion. Or “his wife” as he’s been known to call it over soup:

Our sources — who are all at the mansion — say Crystal and Hef had a nasty argument this weekend on the phone. When the dust settled Crystal decided to 86 the nuptials and quickly moved her stuff out.
The wedding was supposed to go down Saturday.

Awesome. Now he can finally marry Holly Madison, and the two of them will grow old and gray together, but only into next week when he croaks and/or can’t stand her blabbering during his stories. “Bah! Why do these contraptions always talk so much? Tulliver, send in the next one! And be quick about it, I’m dying.”

Photo: Splash News