How Dare You Inhale Kristen Stewart’s Oxygen?!

July 31st, 2013 // 37 Comments
Kristen Stewart
WATCH: Don't Breathe Kristen Stewart's Air

Sorry for the late start, but apparently it’s the goddamn Hunger Games for decent WiFi in New York. Case in point: I’m riding Photo Boy’s back while he’s holding a large stabbing instru- no wait, that’s how every day starts. Anyway, we’re actually able to upload photos without putting them in a stamped envelope addressed to “The Internet,” so in the meantime, here’s Kristen Stewart telling the paparazzi they don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her because she is the Lord and Queen of All That is Breathed now. Which would explain that whole Rupert Sanders business because clearly she was just making him use her vagina as a respirator. I bet you feel like a asshole now, Robert Pattinson. You never listen!


  1. Deacon Jones

    It would be funny if she was saying that to him because he was Mexican.

  2. This is kind of awesome. I like seeing her emote.

    • I like the word “fuckface”

      • I have always found the word “fuckface” to be vague and confusing. Is it a command, as in “Go do that which will bring you physical pleasure”? If used as an epithet, does the word imply that the target is the performer of the act, i.e. the person who gets to ‘f’ the ‘f’, or that the target is the receiver of said act, i.e. the ‘f’ that gets ‘f’d'? Because, I’m not sure if the word is intended to be demeaning phrase implying subordinance, or more of a pleasantry, like “I hope you have a really orgasmic day,” or “My, don’t you look dominant today?” Given her history, perhaps Ms. Stewart believes we are all ‘ff’s upon whose faces she is entitiled to grind at will. So many alternative intepretations to ponder…

      • What the fuck is this supposed to mean? Are you just too lazy to type out the entire phrase?

      • Jack Napier

        She loves being fucked by faces too.

  3. Jesus Redding

    Somebody had a very bad day. Listen Sassy McSassy Pants sleeping with a married man is a crime. If you can’t do the time you know the rest. We’re not the ones going around banging other people’s husbands while our boyfriend is completely doubfounded and sidestruck.
    It makes you think, “why is this person mad?”. Oh maybe it’s because the photographer was being annoying. Well what about the other 7,000 celebrities that don’t have that problem? Well maybe the sun got in their eyes.

    Well maybe Kristen Stewart is an angry person. Kirsten Stewart having an emotion would amaze her acting critics. They probably wouldn’t believe it nor care.

    Kristen Stewart you are the female Mel Gibson. Congratulations.

  4. Batu Khan

    Sure, you can blame it on her inflated ego. But this sound more like the misdirected anger of a child who wasn’t loved enough growing up… and is an egoist.

  5. oh i know

    “vagina as a respirator”??!!!! hahahahahahaha!!! god, I love ya, Fish!!!! ;)

  6. Who the hell is Kristen Stewart?

  7. cc

    He should have offered to stage dive on her snatch. I mean, if she’s being rude, be rude back.

  8. argleblargle

    I agree with her. He doesn’t deserve to breathe shitty dumpster air. I bet his air was a lot fresher.

  9. You hear that paparazzo? You don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her. I remember that time you let Rupert Sanders go down on you and broke up his marriage. You should be ashamed of yourself Mr. Paparazzo.

  10. ace11

    1 night in the sack with her

    Just 1 Night

  11. Frank Burns

    Since her inhalation consists of cigarettes and huffing her own farts, her exhalation probably makes roadkill cry. So, it was a public service message, really.

  12. just me

    every time I see this chick she just looks itchy & pissed, like a yeast infection or a bladder infection, or vaginosis….. SOMEthing! rough times….

  13. Ragnar

    To be fair, paps don’t deserve to breathe anyone’s air. They’re scumsuckers.

  14. She’s a skank. Twilight is over and so is her career. Twilight was big because the cast were all a bunch of Abercrombie and Fitch models. Period. Bad acting, bad script and horrible special effects.
    Made lots of cash though

  15. You mean to tell me that Lil’ Streep (her rap name) is kind of impressed with herself? Who would’ve thought?

  16. Jenn

    I don’t like her, but I dislike the picture sharks more.
    I still don’t like her.

  17. kery

    I hope this bitch after Twilight be forgotten `cause she is disgusting
    and is a bad actress ;p

  18. Her voice is beautiful, she’d do great in animation voice-over.

  19. guest

    Personally i think all paparazzis should stop breathing period , their stench alone will kill you . i’m not famous but i don’t think they deserve to breathe my air either ! … calling them F@ck face is too mild in my opinion

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