UPDATE: Hope For Haiti Now

January 22nd, 2010 // 146 Comments

Typically the top post of the day is reserved for the hottest pics, but today I’m donating it to George Clooney’s Hope For Haiti Now because he’s my hero. And not just because he Tiger Woods’d his way through cocktail waitresses way before Tiger even considered the possibility golf would get him laid. And did it. But, seriously, the Clooney’s doing a good thing here with some assistance from Robert Pattinson, Taylor Swift and other celebs who I’m going to make snappy comments about on Twitter because it’s the only way I know how to love.

So, please, donate what you can by clicking the image above and feel free to follow me tonight on Twitter as I live-tweet Hope for Haiti Now starting at 8 PM EST.



UPDATE: Hope for Haiti Now has reportedly raked in $58 million as of this update, so huge thanks to everyone who kicked in. Also, Simon Owens of Bloggasm.com has brought to my attention international non-profit organization CARE who’ve been in Haiti since 1954, so they have the infrastructure to immediately put funds to use. < http://www.care.org/haiti>

Thanks again to everyone who contributed.


  1. Taz

    We have already given more than we did for Katrina

  2. Honorary Douche

    Text “GAVE” to 50556 and take $10 back from Haiti. They got all the free government cheese they need by now anyway.

  3. Haywood Jablowme

    Fish, you rock! Thanks for doing this.

  4. meh!!!!!!!!

    i dont think so, fuck’em all… oh wait they are already fucked!

  5. George Clooney...really!

    Guys, I can’t thank you enough for supporting our cause! Please donate and I am sure Karma will repay you in heaps!!

  6. Enough

    I’m sorry but they already raised enough money to buy like 17 Haiti’s. The only thing that George Clooney’s special is doing is ruining my Friday night television viewing. Even HBO and Showtime are showing this crap. Putting a telethon on every single channel does not make me want to give, it makes me want to punch Batman in the face.

  7. Richard McBeef

    @5 – Karma’s dead and so is your dad…

    No seriously, you need to call home.

  8. dsdsf

    God obviously sent the earthquake to destroy Haiti because he doesn’t like them.

  9. Brad Pitt

    Haiti has already given us so much though. Where would the world be without AIDS?

  10. youno

    this reminds me of a video not long ago on youtube with alicia keys asking for money for some charity… at least 90% of the first 100s comments were very negative, then, comments went up to a few 1000 and still a lot of negative comments and eventually they were disabled… so…

  11. Lindsay Lohan

    Please pretty please donate so I can star in the main role in the upcoming film: “Haiti – The Disaster We Could’ve Avoid If We Helped People”

    PS: I changed my hair color!

  12. Gary T

    Unfortunately, most of the money raised will end up in the hands to the thieves that run the country. The US has already sent $3 Billion to Haiti and most people still live in squalor.

    So give, if you’d like to see a new palace built and Swiss bank accounts filled.

  13. dk

    Im with #8, everyone knows they sold their soul to the devil to get the French out! This is BS, I dont get to see titties for what!?

  14. How I Rough your mother

    Well, you wont be seen in the same lights as Hitler and Sadam anymore Fish…youre doing a good thing….

    Shut the eff up if you dont want these people to start an exodus into Miami…

  15. jc

    i love you, fish.

  16. USA

    Give to your country!

  17. cc

    Most of the Haitian immigrants where I used to call home were in violent street gangs. I wish the damn nation had slid into the ocean.

  18. jason

    Its a sad, sad day when “thesuperficial.com” site would sell out! Hey, why not ask to buy heidi montag cd’s while youre at it dude!

  19. havoc

    On a side note. Clooney gets more ass than a toilet seat….



  20. truth doctor

    Good cause, unlike Katrina victims who pretty much asked for it by living in a goddamn flood zone, and then didn’t have the sense to run when people gave them a week’s notice of a Cat5 storm.

  21. echz

    really? thesuperficial selling out because of this? really?

    it’s unfortunate that so many thesuperficial readers suffer from mental retardation. Though Haiti needs help, i do agree that some of this money should go towards helping the mentally disabled users like the ones above from licking the lead off their walls

  22. Bert

    who cares what happens in haiti?

  23. yoyoyo

    Obongo donated for me

  24. Dexter Lake

    Hey, shouldn’t some of the richest oil-money middle east countries also “cash it up”? It’s always the US that gives it all & then we have the OPrezbo doing the world apology tour…

  25. chris

    please climb out of george clooney’s ass. I’ve lost so much respect for you in one post. there is nothing more annoying than these self righteous celebrities using a true tragedy to hype there own “greatness”

  26. Dr. Voodoo

    Sadly, it took an earthquake for these self absorbed, “look at me – I can organize a telethon” celebs to help Haiti.

  27. Jones

    For those of you in Canada and want to donate.

    Call: 1-877-51-HAITI

    Or text: “HAITI” or “REDCROSS” to 30333

    You can check out the information I gave for yourself here:

    Donating from this number will be tax deductible plus the Government will match your donation.

  28. Squilliam

    “I am such a good person.”
    ~Squidward Tentacles

  29. A$$hole

    Fuck Haiti, asscrack of the Third World.

    Give the Haitians 1 millenia to rebuild their pathetic little island and even the Cro-Magnons would have the upper hand on those HELPLESS bastards.

  30. Don

    Good job Fish.

    Please post more Hayden Panettiere. Gingers are hot.

  31. nomad

    Fuck hope for haiti, bastards only care about money and ratings. I hate you George Looney for canceling my TV shows.

  32. Liliana

    Me da mucha pena leer los comentarios escritos. Todo el mundo está apoyando para tratar de reconstruir Haiti. La gente lo ha perdido todo. Me imagino que si una castastrofe tan grande azotara su pais y su situación económica fuera un desastre, el mio, aunque sea del “tercer mundo” donaria algo para que esten mejor. Me imagino que como Estados Unidos es un pais con una economia envidiable, muchas personas no se ponen en los zapatos de los mas dañados, celebremos a aquellas personas que si lo hacen y que hacen que su pais no sea una bloque completo de gente carente de sensibilidad y respeto. Es hora de apoyar, no de criticar.

  33. joele

    I can’t belive some of these post’s! Over 100,000 people have died! It is so sad that there are so many people in this world that don’t care, until it happens to them.

  34. h@rdc0r3

    Casualties from the 2004 Indian tsunami: 355,000. Did they beg for help because they couldn’t help themselves? No.

    Casualties from the 2005 Kashmir earthquake: 180,000. Did they expect the international community to help them get up on their feet? No.

    Contrast this to the first few days of the Haitian earthquake, where survivors were building roadblocks made of stone and decomposing bodies because aid was ‘late’, delaying access to the center of the capital. Furthermore, that they had the ‘right’ to it. That they ‘absolutely need’ outside help, because as a people, they cannot survive on their own.

    And even as aid arrived, these subhumans couldn’t figure out what to do with the food packets. MREs (Meal Ready to Eat) packages were stared and contemplated upon by these dumbasses because not one of them thought to open them to see beef jerky and chocolate bars!

    They’re an insult to what we have built as humanity, to perseverance and true grit in times of hardship. As for all you carebears out there, throw in your genetic lot with these unworthy specimens of our species.

    We’re better off without you taking our food and water. Kthxbye.

  35. lolipop

    Its really sad to see how many people are being insensitive , for all of u that are cursing out haiti , complaining about missing stupid shows , thousands of people have died , but you ass’s dont care but you know what its ok thousands of other people do care soo for all of you insentive assholes i would just like to say one thing KARMA… just u wait …. i hope a freaking earthquake hits all of insensitive assholes the world would be a much better place with u guys gone.

  36. Nubbie

    @37: But I didn’t choose to live near a fault line. Their fault!

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  38. Captainlulu

    @35, you’re an idiot.

    That tsunami got huge support all over the world. In fact, it got the exact same coverage as the Haiti quake. Yes, there was a telethon almost exactly like the one tonight, full of celebrities and what not.

    You’re right about the Kashmir quake in a way, it did not get enough coverage as it should have, and that is due to its relative close proximity in time to the tsunami which dwarfed it.

    In this case, the reason why they are making such a big fuss about this in the news, is because the entire world is watching that country now. And with that level of coverage, a real change can be done. With enough money they’ll not only be able to rebuild what they lost, but surpass that in a huge way, taking them from a third world to a safe and stable country that can grow with the world. This is what makes this relief effort so exciting.

    In closing, if you don’t support this relief effort, just shut the fuck up, it will make the world a happier place.

  39. Jon and Kate plus Haiti

    First Obama screws around on health care and that girl who was in girl interrupted playing herself dies and then Obama test some new weapon and half of Haiti dies. Can’t you people see that Obama is the real problem here?

  40. Rush Limbaugh

    My friends…..I think that instead of giving money to Haitian Relief, we should just hold hands and sing some of those good ‘ol Negro spirituals.

  41. Fuckm

    Ha. Give money to Haiti? You kidding me? This bullshit is worse than Katrina. Do you think there would be a different reaction if the victims were white? There would be – no help at all.

    If we gave 10 gazillion dollars to Haiti they’d rebuild a society of gangbangers and thugs while the truly good people there would remain in fear.

    These artists and the superficial writer bitching about this need to get a life. Every fucking channel on tv is full of blubbering vaginas… Boo hoo. We have millions here in the us living in poverty yet I need to give money to Haiti?

    Fuck you and fuck them. Idiots.

  42. Johnny Stab-O

    @40. Right on. Couldn’t have been better said. Got forbid these fat, lazy fucks miss an episode of “Two & A Half Men” so we can help some people in true need. No wonder the rest of the world hates America. It’d be interesting to see how many of these assholes would be begging for help should disaster strike them unexpectedly. Lord knows the Red Bull and Doritos they have at home don’t qualify for rations and half of them are way too inept to survive on their own in a real emergency. Do us a favor and tear your balls of now so you spare the world of reproducing your worthless, pathetic DNA. Your parents, and America, will thank you.

  43. Ih8lzh8ians

    Case and point: South Korea after the Korean War. A wreck. Totally devastated. Fast forward to 40 years later and they gave us Samsung phones! And hot cars! Point is, people that work hard on their own like that with out any outside incentives deserve our applause and respect. That’s the model we should look up to.

    Now give Haitians, what more than $1billion now (worth 1/7 of their entire GDP) and what do you get? Nothing. Just a whole lot of the newest trend of designer adopted babies, AIDS, and sheer laziness. Give them generations and they will not rise above and beyond.

    They are the ones that destroyed their country by mass deforestation. If you look at satellite pictures in space, you will see that their neighbor (The Dominican Republic) is lush in forest and resources because they UNDERSTOOD the need to preserve their land and protect what little they have of their island from mudslides, etc.

    Haitians are like their dumb autistic brothers: they are dependent on everyone for the rest of their existence. Not only that, they are also adamant on receiving aid because they are lazy fucks who cannot even manage to live off the land for even two weeks to forage for food. This is where your money goes folks!

    They need to die. More air for everyone else.

    (PS: Tiger Woods your $3 million donation isn’t gonna get you out of hell for what you did to your hot wife)

  44. Frustrated American

    To all the celebrities who put on this ridiculous telethon, how about donating to the poor and middle class Americans who constantly get screwed from the big corporate fat cats and the government? Put all the celebrities salaries together and it would equal a few billion dollars or better…wonder how much they donated? George Clooney makes me wanna puke! Julia Roberts, what a horse face bitch!!!! Madonna….why don’t you die already your f’ing traitor!!!

    Phuck’em all i say!!!! Keep the money in America, let’s resolve our own problems. Because there is no organization in this relief effort in Haiti its still chaotic 10 days later, you all know we will get blamed for the disorganized relief efforts! We can never win world wide opinons no matter how good our intnetions are. George Washinton was right, do not get involved in affairs abroad!

  45. Johnny Stab-O

    @45. You’re a fucking retard. If we hadn’t fully subsidized and stood behind South Korea, to check the spread of communism, they’d be as bad off as the rest of the third world shit hole Asian countries out there.

    @46. You’re also fucking retarded. If you don’t like what’s on TV, turn it off and go for a run fat ass. Most Americans put themselves in that position because they spend every last cent they make, or steal from welfare, and have no idea how to save a buck. Then when shit goes bad, of course it’s not their fault because they were taken advantage of by corporate America and now they expect the government to bail them out by raising taxes and giving them more handouts.

  46. $marta$$


    -I don’t actually watch TV. God Charlie Sheen’s antics get pretty old fast. But I don’t like those Red Cross volunteers who keep disturbing me for my nickel on my way to work. I’d rather buy a nice steaming Italian sausage from the street meat vendor for lunch. My stomach > 200k Haitians.

    -I’m actually glad I’m not American. Hence our diets aren’t really derived from pharmaceutical grade caffeine alternatives like Red Bull and highly processed hybrid corn products like Doritos. We prefer au naturel poutine and wild gamey nomnoms like bison and venison. Yes, we Canadians know how to hunt. We can also do a lot of other awesome things. Like get contracted to make weapons for the American military-industrial complex in Quebec. Just to please you Dorito-munching Red Bull-guzzling tyrants!

    -So naturally in an actual disaster we’d be better off that these tropical fucks. But think of the last time a major ecological event happened in the Canadian Shield. Hmm, besides the formation of the Great Lakes formed from the retreat of glaciers… nothing comes to mind. I beg to actually propose the point that you Southern cousins of ours would come to us begging for freshwater first in any major natural catastrophe around the North American region.

    -And lastly, my seed is more valuable than that of every Haitian combined living or dead in Hispanola. Because you see, you base the argument of their survival on proof derived from ‘emotions’ and carebear attitude. I base mine on real scientific and historic facts. Therefore I win!

  47. brainz

    @47: Look at what is happening to China; they’re poised to take over the world economically in 2020. Sucks to be you.

    Get your facts straight, lest we descend down that period of McCarthyism again! I bet you don’t even know what I just referred to. Go back to reading your US history books again please. Wait, did you even go to college?

    I’m just too fucking smart. Bring it on!

  48. peacekeeper

    I propose to everyone, that instead of trying to save Haiti from Earth’s WRATH…

    …we save America from becoming a second tier country who answers to China by fixing the bullshit in your government and replacing Obama’s escapades with someone who will actually take charge and rise from recession.

    You should start that by heavily taxing these so-called distractors aka celebrities and redistributing the money those who actually need it!

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