Holy mother of Jebus

December 30th, 2006 // 120 Comments

If you haven’t noticed, the site has been down for the past 12 hours or so. One of the hard drives in our server failed and we lost all the data. Technicians have been working to get the failed drive replaced, but all the archives and forum archives were lost. The good news is we’ve got backups. The bad news is they’re from three months ago.

I’m going to spend my weekend trying to get as much of the site put back up as possible, but all comments since September have been lost. It’s up to you guys to remember exactly what you said and the order you said it in and recreate the comments section. Same goes for the forum. If you registered after September you’re going to have to re-register. I’m really sorry about all this, guys. If it makes you feel any better the past 12 hours feels like we’ve been anally raped by a kodiak bear.


  1. woodhorse

    you said you could fix it with 5 coconuts.liar. now i don’t believe you about the size of your johnson either.

  2. mztry

    Like I said… KARMA!

    Say something NICE
    about someone you don’t like
    And in 2007
    Your life will be HEAVEN!

  3. atombob

    Jezuz Khrist! For what I pay for this site it seems like you’d… oh wait… Sorry to hear about the issues. Glad to see you’re coming back up.

  4. zack_morris' dead corpse

    noooooooooooooo!!! my wonderful screen name! i registered after september! :( so long zack morris…you will be missed….well probably not but still…..wait does this mean Pilaf can come back?

  5. Cruzadas

    Shame on you!!! I’m the kodiak Bear!!! RUAAAAAAAAAR

  6. CowgirlUp

    LOL @ #22

  7. gapeachrocks

    Good luck with the fix. Regardless, you’re still my favorite guilty pleasure site and even if you start from scratch, I’ll be here to check out the “news” and the hilarity in the comments.

  8. Libraesque

    DAMN Biatcho, you still crushin’ on me? I know you are cuz my Myspace got hit 23 times yesterday morning during our lovefest here.


  9. jFp

    And I told the funniest joke I’ve ever told there in that lost pile.

  10. outrageous.opinion

    SHIT! you know how hard it is going to be for me to find the “Brit giving head” video now!

  11. PooPants

    I’m glad you guys are back! I thought Britney’s vag attacked you or something.


  12. Hey that sucks. On the bright side, I remember everything I said. Mariah is fat and stuck on herself. Paris has a smelly crotch. Britney’s is worse. Lindsay has too many freckles and her crotch is apparently on fire but in a bad way. K’Fed is a joke but really his whore-ish, soon to be retardo ex, is kinda, well worse. That’s it. I think that’s all I said and in that order. I’m pretty sure. Well kinda sure.

  13. NicotineEyePatch

    Sassy, you speak for a lot of us.
    Give it a few days and the order will change, trust me.

  14. whackjob

    Backups? We don need no stinking backups. The past is that thing that just happened three milliseconds ago and is…wait, what was I talking about? Shit, lemme check the backups.

    Oh yeah, we don’t need any backups. Hope everyone’s ready for the new year’s fun and games. I expect a lot out of you fuckers. There will be a three-day new year’s grace period to account for brain damage. After that: game on.

  15. Cardinal Ximenez

    The key question here is… did the Kodiak use Astroglide, KY or spit. I mean, really, it can change the whole outcome of being analy raped. Of course a complimentary reach around helps tame the beast too.

  16. magickal

    Oh, thank God it was “just” a server problem – when I tried going online last night (shortly after Saddam Hussein’s execution) I couldn’t get on ANY site, and this one gave me the server message. I thought the terrorists had finally won.

  17. magickal

    OK, picking up when we left off…..

    Saddam Hussein Moder.

  18. magickal

    Astroglide K.Y. Kodiak Analrape Moder.

  19. sexybitch

    Hiawatha Nouvel Moder.

  20. lilypetals

    Hey you got the “Jebus” from Homer Simpson. LOL.

  21. sexybitch

    Jebus Apple Moder.

  22. BarbadoSlim

    Topper Moder Nutter

  23. BarbadoSlim

    Beyonce Abdul Moder

  24. sexybitch

    Madrid Router Moder

  25. BarbadoSlim

    Ice Ice Moder

  26. sexybitch

    Prius Electric Moder

  27. RichPort

    #50 i honestly don’t know who assferret is

    but one thing i do know … everytime you post an incorrect assumption like that he is laughing his ass off

    sadly, just as you keep defending your heterosexuality, you keep falsely assuming there is one single person out there who thinks you are an ASS.

  28. bigponie

    This sucks superfish dude, I had the 500 post for the brangelina fake humaitarian story,

  29. Ren

    Do not fret, Sr. Superfish, as I doubt that any of the lost comments were astoundingly deep to a point that their loss will be a detriment to the superfish society.

    I, on the otherhand, had posted a number of complicated proofs for safekeeping, but alas, loss is a large part of the life of a seasoned mathematician and I shall overcome.

  30. Karri

    Hmm… good luck!

  31. frenchtoaststix

    Yeah! Julia Roberts is knocked up!

    Names for the new kid:

    Outboard Moder
    Briggs & Stratton Moder (another set of twins)
    Clem Jehosephat Moder
    Ass Ferret Moder
    Elmer Zeke Moder

  32. Missallanpoe

    (sigh) well I’m not rewriting any of my fuckin comments. Though it doesn’t really piss me off so much.

  33. Ren

    Hezekiah Balch Moder

    (Actually a name in my family minus the ‘Moder’)

  34. RichPort

    All I wanted for Christmas was a freakin’ Double Dong, with dual ass blaster pulsating heads, and Bluetooth, so I could control it with my Dad’s cell phone, once he showed me how.

    I waited in the line for over an hour to talk to that fat bearded bastard in the red suit, and all I got was a subscription to NAMBLA Life, from my friend. Thanks Hannakuh Harry!

    And I do not shave my balls! I make good use of the pube forest to hide my micro-schlong. If you squint hard in bad light, you’d swear I was a fat Italian chick, instead of a Jewish queen.

    This much is true, I will still be as much of a retarded cock whore in 2007 as I was in 2006. Happy New Years, ass clowns!

  35. RichPort

    And for the record, I still think that I am ridiculed by only one poster, and that my ‘Fish-friends’ are not really 300 pound pedophiles, and that my uncle was just trying to find a missing toy all those times he shoved his dick up my ass, …

  36. ahh, now it makes sense…



  37. caffebeotch

    Sorry for your loss, Mr. Fish. Somebody should die for this.

    @ 4 – Listen to that dude. Especially the part about bitch slapping the tech.

  38. magickal

    Double Dong Moder.

  39. magickal

    Mom Why Does Your Breath Smell Like Daddy’s Asshole? Moder

  40. ToeKnee

    If someone only clued you in on how easy it is to generate backups from most webservers, you could have done your own at least weekly, but I swear, you could have a backup running every day in the background while you typed your articles.

    In addition, any webhost worth their salt does nightly incremental backups and full backups at least monthly.

    Fire your tech advisor– he sucks.

  41. zack morris

    oh noes! it happend again didn’t it…

  42. dsera

    Sorry about the crash but seriously, can you fucking idiots stop with the “FIRST!” comments. Worthless.

  43. RichPort


  44. Nimuë LaMer

    ” If it makes you feel any better the past 12 hours feels like we’ve been anally raped by a kodiak bear.”

    …and not in a GOOD way.

    Happy New Calendar, Superficial.. you have brightened up what has turned out to be a really shitty year for me.

    Much love and all the best for 2007… May your new year be filled wih Paris Hiltons,K-Feds, alcohol, vomit and fistfights!!!

    Luvyameanit and TCLTC!!!

  45. Lowlands

    (94)Thank you so much dear!How thoughtfull of you,at the moment i’m indeed enjoying the new year just over an hour now.According to the Superficial-time i’m 17 hours ahead at the moment.Till now 2007 looks good to me,but doesn’t anything else look good after several bottles of booze and a girl on my lap which name i can’t remember?I hope you all enjoy your last day of the year and for the ones which just like myself have already arrived in the new year,happy new year!

  46. jrzmommy

    i love the holidays … drink beer all day, don’t shower, just me and my laptop hangin out here with my buds

    aint life grand? my pussy stinks

    hey rich = i do think we have more than one hater. WE’RE FAMOUS!!

    i still cant figure out why we are singled out though. think i’ll ponder that for awhile. but god forbid we change our id’s. for christs sake i want to be known as who i really am always. why should i change my id? im popular here.

    what do you wanna bet if richport and jrzmommy changed their id’s there’d be haters the next day on both their new id’s. hmmmm you can’t change your true colors.

    i’m hanging on to this id for all eternity bitches.

  47. That’s really bites the big one, Grand Super-F. Good luck!

    I’ve already reposted some of my blog comments. I’ve reposted as well those of my fellow bloggers (as is, of course), even an entire set of comments for one story. I will continue to do more this week. (I save everything: I come from a line of collectors/horders. …A man needs a maid/editor.)

    Now I bring the love despite/because of the moderator’s & most of the Super-F bloggers continual hate-on for my 2 fav stars, Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan. I DO like them both anyway. For example, I declared like you care that Lindsay’s “Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)” is the best single of the year, & “Paris” is the best album of 2006.

    BUT I have you to thank that they have become my absolute favs. Because you & the media & the loud majority spit on them so much, regularly wishing them violence & death, declaring them the # 1 & 2, respectively, most hated celebs in Hollywood. I am a punk/ alternative-let-her-rip-rocker/ against-the-grainer fr way-back, so thanks for the reverse motivation. Cheers!

    Congratulations as well are in order: Yahoo announced that The Superficial is the #2 top blog search of the year. Perez Hilton & Pink Is… are #’s 1 & 3 respectively. I am here to your disgust for I find Super-F is easily the classiest of the 3 sites. The page design is classy, our blond mascot w/the hidden eyes looks hot, & the motto rules …”The Superficial. Because you’re ugly.” – As Curly Howard would say, I represent that remark! …& I appreciate the Grand Super-F not marking up the story photos. The other sites feature silly, ugly graffiti on their pics. But the Super-F shows more class: yes, the star still gets ripped but in the comments, allowing us to each look at the pics & then draw our own conclusions.

    Mine: 1), celebrities are to be both criticized AND celebrated, 2), room for alternative POV’s is a room w/a view worth visiting, 3), For auld lang syne, my dear/ for auld lang syne/ we

  48. mztry


  49. hotguy

    I am laughing so much right now. “The Superficial, apparently written by a single male heterosexual author.” wikipedia.com. Oh yes, about the loss of the valuable, yet fart provoking insights posted daily in this Christ centered haven, I am deeply saddened and send my condolences to the family of president Ford:)

  50. if thesuperficial goes down for good, im gonna jump off the top of my house, head first…then start going to carpemundus.com

    http://www.carpemundus.com – doing the doggone thang

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