Holy mother of Jebus

December 30th, 2006 // 120 Comments

If you haven’t noticed, the site has been down for the past 12 hours or so. One of the hard drives in our server failed and we lost all the data. Technicians have been working to get the failed drive replaced, but all the archives and forum archives were lost. The good news is we’ve got backups. The bad news is they’re from three months ago.

I’m going to spend my weekend trying to get as much of the site put back up as possible, but all comments since September have been lost. It’s up to you guys to remember exactly what you said and the order you said it in and recreate the comments section. Same goes for the forum. If you registered after September you’re going to have to re-register. I’m really sorry about all this, guys. If it makes you feel any better the past 12 hours feels like we’ve been anally raped by a kodiak bear.


  1. taulen

    Sorry to hear.
    Good luck with putting it all back together =)

  2. Philip Ramirez

    it was? It worked fine for me…

  3. Harry Dijon's Ghost

    Ballsack is going to love this. He should buy you guys a new hard drive that fails more often.

    By the way, the front page is awesome hilarious and I thank you for making my day less shit.

  4. Philip Ramirez


    This is why you should have a RAID 1+0 setup on your servers Mr. Fish. I suggest you bitch slap the tech until he sets it up for you. Basically, it’s a stripe of mirrors. Each HD has a mirror so it’s 1+1 HA. N+1 HA wouldn’t work for a site like this, although it would be more cost effective. Then just make it so that everything older than 2 years goes into a slower/cheaper storage server.

  5. TMQuinn

    Cool!! Now I’m going to go an post ‘FIRST’ in all the forums!!!


  6. libtard

    I think I said something like;

    1. WHORE!

  7. Dang that sucks. Good luck getting it back together.

  8. ploidy

    you poor things! good luck this weekend and keep the awsomeness coming.

  9. Cherokee Chocolate

    Good luck this weekend.

  10. Kg

    There’s a forum…?

    Good luck with the repairs =)

  11. NicotineEyePatch

    I guess the ‘Fish DIDN’T get a new strain of supercrabs from those last pics of Paris after all!

    I’m glad it’ll only take the weekend to fix. Good luck.

    Now what to do with this Kwellada Home Computer Sweeper….

  12. Paris Hilton showering must have just been too damn much for the server. It was too damn much for me. Eeeuhgggg…

  13. biatcho

    I specifically remember calling Libraesque a filthy, whorish lesbian just because I couldn’t think of anything else to write in my hungover state. Then she got pissed because I was right & she can’t figure out how I knew she was a lesbo because she was still in the closet. I’ll tell you how I knew… I am the awesome, that’s why. Think I’m gonna go to bed now.

  14. Binky

    Well most the Archive comments since Sepetember appear to be back up, but it seems he lost all the funny ones.

  15. stevob2006

    OH NO! The comments, the beautiful comments. It’s mainly ‘FIRST!!!!!!!!!’ anyway. You should ban that type of behaviour.

  16. Fehklar

    Speaking as the Kodiak bear’s attorney, I would like to state that it was NOT rape, but rather was consensual. Prove otherwise bitches!

  17. techclerk


    My political career has been saved!

  18. RichPort

    This was the generous act of a benevolent god to remove the troll ranting from us for good. I could have sworn I read about this in Revelations… oh shit, gotta shave my balls… the rapture is surely upon us.

    By the way Mr. Fish, you didn’t hear a ‘plick’ did you?

  19. narrator

    don’t bother restoring the archives, here’s a recap of the last 3 months:

    RichPort: “I have a big IQ and an even bigger cock.”

    jrzmommy: “I’m saracastic and I hate everybody. Shut up and leave now.”

    Angry Ferret Jones: “Now I’m really angry!”

    PrettyBaby: “You guys seem really cool, can I be your friend?”

    that’s pretty much it. now you’re free to go on a 3-day drug/alcohol binge for New Years, as god intended.

  20. fearsarewishes


    Just when things were becoming interesting beteween biatcho and Libraesque the comments dissolve into the ether.

    I think it was around the 475th comment…

  21. Pointandlaugh

    aw fish….it’s ok…..Kodiak bears can be rough if you clench. Just need to relax and go with it. If you give the bear some E beforehand, he’s a lot more receptive to your pleas to be gentle.

  22. kingoftheroundtable

    Raped by a kodiak bear? I’ve had that ones, but I have to say…it wasn’t as good as being taken by the duracell rabbit. Boy, let me tell ya!

  23. RichPort

    #19 – Or not…

    Glad to see you’re such a voracious reader and note-taker… you should change you name to the stenographer.

  24. BarbadoSlim

    Bleh, getting raped by a Kodiak bear is overrated, now Polar bears on the other hand …

  25. BarbadoSlim

    oops sorry #22, you had that covered.

  26. pffft.. bear.


    I don’t think it’s very fair to make APOTH work all New Year’s Eve trying to fix this.

    But anally raping him is okay. I mean…as long as it’s a small bear…

  28. siliconsaint69

    If you outsource your server, I would put a bullet in the brain of your technician…one backup every three months?! You know how much kiddie porn I’d lose if I only backed up every 3 months?!?!??!?

    If you do your own backups, well then shame on you. And shame on me, because I dont have a site 1/10th as sweetass as yours. good luck with the server problems, happy new year!

  29. RichPort

    #19 that is pretty funny though …

    but it went more like this:

    RichPort: i love me shorn balls and i just can’t stop rubbin em

    jrzmommy: now rich, stop that. move over and let mommy take over


    jrzmommy: damn kids. home from school already? go grab a hot pocket, mommy’s busy.

    jrzdaddy: hands off my woman port


    RichPort: Fucking trolls. Posts 19-25 were not me. I can prove it. I was shaving my balls from 5:32am-7:38am.

    UNWASHEDMASSES: I’ve been trolled I tell ya! See that hugantic post of my that posted 3x!!!! I’ve been trolled!!!!

    jrzmommy: I’d hit it.

    RichPort: Yeah, me too.

    jrzmommy: Fuck this shit.

  30. Mo

    Beware, Fish – the viruses from the skanky bad-ginas have regenerated and taken down the site! Keep a cross, garlic and silver bullet with you. And alcohol, but that goes without saying. Thanks for keeping us entertained at the cost of your own safety.

  31. We will rebuild….and TCLTC. Still.

  32. frenchtoaststix

    Oh, the humanity! Gone, all gone! The 400 posts through Xmas between mirandawilde, Libraesque, biacho, and jrzmommy debating Brangelina’s charity work! Descriptions of the seamy underbelly that is Shitney’s twat! All the many, many TCLTC’s tragically wiped away! The Ass Ferret troll obsessing over butt-fucking! Damn you Parisite or Hohan for fucking the SF server and giving it a virus.

    The upside: No hard-return utterances from herbiefrog.


  33. My posts get backed up separately. I am sure they will all be there when things turn back on.

  34. mztry

    THIS IS WONDERFUL NEWS! It couldn’t have happened to a nicer website! LOL

    Polish your nastiness
    Sharpen your tongues
    Your potty archives
    Have come undone!

    “It’s up to you guys to remember exactly what you said and the order you said it in and recreate the comments section.”


    Like these woman hating rejects and celebrity haters could EVER work together to put this stream of crap back together!

    “…feels like we’ve been anally raped by a kodiak bear.”

    Karma DUDE! You had it coming!

  35. Sorry, I was logged in as my mztry account for that last comment.

  36. amanda8419

    i was worried last night when I couldnt get in, i thought it had been shut down completely. Glad to see your back!

  37. BarbadoSlim

    @34/35 hahahahaha, uh uh, what the fuck are you going on about?
    We are still here
    We haven’t changed
    We are gonna keep doing the same thing
    You are still a douchebag.

  38. urwrong

    What kind of server is not set in a raid config??
    You need a server with RAID 5, 4 hardrives, 1 spare, Then connect that server to a backup like a Buffalo Network Backup unit(1 Terra Byte). Works for me, never lost any data, or had a customer that lost any also.


    #37 does not read thoroughly

  40. mrlithium

    Need a system admin? I’m for hire. Apparently i’m extremely qualified seeing as I know how to backup more often than every 3 months.

  41. BarbadoSlim

    #39,I read your celebratory ramblings again “t.h.o.r.o.u.g.h.l.y” and guess what, you’re still a douche-bag.

  42. Kristin

    LOL @ #6.

    Sucks about ths site though.

  43. Hahahahahahahaha



  44. lysistrata11

    I find it very interesting, looking back through the archives, that the Angie/Brad post was not returned after the “wipeout”…

  45. HarryNipples

    Just please bring back the Julia Roberts thread, I have a whole list of baby names for her…

  46. oh shit! bad news!

    you can check out http://www.carpemundus.com until thesuperficial gets back up and running. you know, as professional courtesy…

    http://www.carpemundus.com – nice guys

  47. BellaNY

    When ya think of it your really not going to miss anything losing your archives because these losers ya write about are just going to fuck up even more in 2007, So why not just start over fresh.

  48. blueman

    FIRST!!!!?????!!!!!????!!!!!!???? or maybee 48? but im going with FIRST

  49. superstar

    Ahh, I like coming onto this site and commenting :( Oh well, the site doesn’t update on weekends anyway and tomorrow is the last day of 2006 :O

  50. RichPort

    #29 – Nice to see Ass Ferret still trying to suck my dick going into the new year. Dude, take a hint: I. Do. Not. Like. Guys. Real nice and slow for ya… (I bet that’s what all the boys say to you…)

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