Hilary Duff is being stalked

October 13th, 2006 // 126 Comments
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Hilary Duff filed for a restraining order yesterday claiming she fears for her life because she’s being stalked by a paparazzi and a homeless man. Hilary and her boyfriend Joel Madden claim in court documents that a 19-year-old Russian emigre came to the United States “for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff.”

The court documents state the man, whose first name is Max, “admitted to being ‘obsessed’ with her, has stated his intention of ‘removing’ his ‘enemies’ (i.e., those who prevent him from being with her), has stated his intention of purchasing a weapon, and has threatened to kill himself and to engage in dramatic actions to get her attention.”

According to the documents, Max “has stated his belief that Hilary is in love with him and that Joel Madden stands in their way.”

The court documents also claim David Joseph Klein, a 50-year-old celebrity photographer who is roommates with Max, is also a threat.

The documents state, “Over the past six weeks, the defendants have engaged in an accelerated effort to make contact with Hilary, including visits to her neighborhood, to her mother’s home, to her boyfriend’s neighborhood … to Mr. Madden’s concert venue, and direct calls to Hilary’s manager.”

According to the documents, the police detained Max at least once at one of Madden’s concerts and questioned Klein at the same event.

These guys could save themselves a lot of trouble if they just visited the local farm and hooked up with a horse. Although to get the full effect they might have to close their eyes and imagine the horse’s teeth are a little bigger. And ignore the curves. Really, they should just glue some teeth onto a box and write “Hilary Duff” on the back.

superficial

  1. jrzmommy, remember in the movie “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” when Mr Hand passed out the test, all the students smelled the ditto-machined paper… AT THE SAME TIME.

    Komedy Klassic

  2. Terry

    May, Check out fadedyouth @ http://fadedyouth.blogspot.com

    A gossip blog. WAY more updated than superficial. Better pics too.

  3. combustion8

    Who would stalk this horse faced chick?

  4. jrzmommy

    Brain–51–YES!! Holy hell, I forgot about that! And you know that scene happened like a million times in schools all over the country EVERYDAY. That’s what’s wrong with kids today—they’re not getting that little happy ditto buzz every day and they’re wandering around all angry and shit…..shootin’ the fuck out of everything that moves….BRING BACK THE DITTO!

  5. Edna Bambrick

    This is the most disgusting message board I have seen in a long time. God will judge you and most of you will be sent to Hell when the Rapture comes. I hope the Lord shuts this disgusting website down.

  6. dragonbain

    edna-hows he going to do that this site is run by the devil.

  7. ApacheRose

    I think Edna needs a Tom Cruise “Mission: Insertable” butt plug.

  8. combustion8

    I just Raptured in my pants.

  9. RichPort

    #55 – Please spit my babies out… I don’t need you being crafty and creating a RichPort/ Bambrick love child…

    And god has already judged me worthy of an enormous johnson… but you already know that you coquette.

  10. a_wu

    For future reference ‘fish, paparazzo is singular, paparazzi is plural. Sheesh.

  11. dragonbain

    You guys are fucking hilarious. I like the way the regulars attack anyone they don’t like unmercifully; and your comments usually make me laugh so hard my co-workers probably think I’m nuts. Keep up the good (or maybe bad) work.

  12. OH NO!! God is coming? Shit, and I have nothing to wear. How come he never calls ahead? That is just plain rude.

    Edna, could I borrow your self-righteousness so I can make a jumpsuit out of it? It seems like it is big enough that I might be able to cover my giant cock with it.

    I didn’t know “the Lord” could shut websites down. Maybe he should use some of his “powers” to shut down a ped0 site, or two. Or maybe he could find the cure for cancer, or AIDS. Or (if he’s not too busy shutting down the Fish) he could feed a couple of Billion starving kids.

    Nah, instead of all that, he should succumb to the wishes of Edna the terminally un-fucked old bitty. You are one selfish bitch.

    I think if hew was going to shut down large places where perverts and deviants collect he would probably start with your church, you hypocritical shrew (sorry JRZ).

    This rant brought to you by *Shrew*, the exciting new fragrance that says “Hey, go fuck yourself.”

  13. #54 – jrzmommy, you may be on to something there. Maybe they put a chemical in the ditto fluid to keep us (kids) all “calm” and “peaceful” like.
    As soon as they started with the Xerox machines, that’s when the world went to hell…

    …just a theory.

    P.S. Because I was watching the METS kick St Louis’ ass last night, I missed Earl, DAMMIT !!!

  14. Who the hell would stalk Hilary Duff? She doesn’t even have tits!

    http://www.celebslam.com

  15. ApacheRose

    Dammit, all this talk of enormous cocks is making me wet. Also provoking thoughts that would definitely get me reported by Edna-the-prude.

    Edna, what number are ya on now? I think a few of us are willing to mud wrestle to get the coveted #69.

  16. Ed Bambrick

    My wife loves the cock.

  17. jrzmommy

    62–he never calls ahead—-BHWAHAHAHAHA

    Do I have to rename my perfume now? What should I call it now? Uberbitch?

    Edna–God doesn’t like a suck-up. you’re REPORTED!

  18. They should make the stalker watch “Material Girls” — an insta-cure for any Hilary obsession.

  19. MystressJade

    #58 You mean you “Craptured in your pants”. I heard that on 700 Club last night.

    For real….

  20. amhi

    Non-Christians stay on earth after the Rapture, Edna. It’s in the bible. ; )

    But still, if you’re reading this Mr. Fish, please don’t ban Edna for her obnoxious comments. She may not know the good book very well, but she’s so controversial. Encites lots of talk about the cock.

    Excellent. Team Edna.

  21. OK, Good news. I just talked to the Lord. He told me that Edna needs to get laid. Once that happens he promised that she would loosen up.

    I said “Seriously?”

    He said “No shit, that fucking nutcase is in desperate need of a good stiff one. Somebody needs to take her down the old dirt road, and smack little Johnny behind the ear. Get it?”

    I said “You mean she needs to ride the bone-train to Tuna Town?”

    He said “Word. Now if you will kindly fuck off, I have members of the flock to fleece.”

    Then he promised to NOT smote the Fish. Which is good, jsut if you piss him off he will smote the living shit out of you. He loves a good smote.

    Edna – you might as well change your name to Sarah Jean, because I am going to make a fucking project out of you.

  22. RichPort

    #71 – LOL!!! Thanks Ferret. The lady who sits next to me just called my laugh creepy.

    Edna, please disregard every other fucking pledge for #69, you ass whore. I know you’re that Christian girl from The Office. I would love to introduce you to the Dirty Holy RichPort… that’s where I ass ream you while you recite Revelations, turn you around and give you a brown goatee, then shove my dirty socks in your mouth.

    Special thanks to Ferret for inspiring my vulgarity.

  23. Edna Bambrick

    I AM MONITORING THIS BOARD AND I WOULD ADVISE YOU PEOPLE TO KEEP IT CLEAN HERE. OTHERWISE, I WILL BE REPORTING YOU TO YOUR ISP’S AND POSSIBLY TO HOMELAND SECUIRTY IF IT APPEARS YOU ARE BEING THREATENING OR TRYING TO PROMOTE TERRORISM.

  24. ponk

    oh xrist, she’s typing in CAPS now. It’s getting serious.

  25. JediKnight437

    Maybe the horse she stole her teeth from is this ‘Max’ she is refering too. Freak.

  26. ApacheRose

    Hahahahahaaaaa!! Yeah, I’m so scared.

    Edna, you crack me the fuck up, but would you stop screaming?

    Any of you guys want to do us all a favor and shove your cock down her throat to shut her up? I bet if she gave it a try, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. (As can I, but that’s not the point)

    Yeah, I know. I’m reported.

  27. FrootPie

    #67- DON’T change it! “Shrew” is perfect, timeless, even Shakespearian.

    And… since when is telling someone what a fucktard she is promoting terrorism? That’s The American Fucking Way, you fascist ass-hat.

  28. “And yea, he came down from the mountain and said ‘Make Edna your project.’ ”

    And it was done…

    http://ednas-gonna-smote-you.blogspot.com/

  29. sonya

    About that Jessica-Ellis chick, I think she and Sarah-Jean might actually get along pretty well, seeing as how Sarah-Jean the Lilac Queen looks like the undead:

    http://thehousewife.blogsplot.net/?page_id=8

  30. Ed Bambrick

    Why down her throat? She prefers to take it in the ass. I should know- I have to lie in bed next to that monstrosity every night. (shoot me.)

  31. #73

    Please tell me that you’re joking. If you are not joking you are wackier than Mses. Hilton, Lohan and Madonna combined.

    Face it…that is one big stack of wacky.

  32. Holy Crap! Sarah Jean has let herself go.

    WTF?

    It must be all that trailer living….

  33. RichPort

    #79 – Just proves the old addage “ya can’t make a ho a housewife”.

    Oh yeah, and Edna? Get your hand out of your granny panties you fucking perv. The thought of you cumming a puff of dusty snatch powder is getting me as nauseous as Hillary “Me. Ed” Duff naked.

  34. RichPort

    Fuck, my Guats mistyped Mr Ed… no chorizo for them tonight.

  35. jrzmommy

    From Sarah Jean’s Blog:
    “If you have kids, the last time you dressed in style was probably when you were in your 20

  36. Justin Igger

    dis edna trick is one fat white bitch i wood not put my big dick in cuz she scary yo

  37. tits_on_snack

    Oh lovely, the person with the Edna moniker is back. Now I get to read endless posts from people telling her to eff off until I stab myself in the eyeballs from boredom.

  38. My dream day: Doing battle with Edna and Sarah-Jean, smoting them both, then wrapping the whole thing up with a nice little three-way. (Sorry Edna, from the rear only with you.)

    Then they make me breakfast, and wash my car.

    AFJ

  39. The Gilbs

    Edna #55, your theology is jacked. No one goes to hell when the rapture comes. Oh yeah I forgot, the rapture isn’t biblical. Why don’t YOU clean it up and take your heretical theology to a more appropriate webpage. We are monitoring your communications as well Edna and reporting it to a much higher power than Homeland Security. Get thee behind me Satan.

  40. jrzmommy

    I just read something that made me cry. There were four people found shot on a highway in Florida and two of them were little kids. The adult woman (also found dead) had her arms wrapped around the children. I can’t fucking stand it anymore.

  41. mrs.t

    This can’t be the real Edna-she was banned last year, wasn’t she?

    So, little Fake Edna, scurry along to some other site.

  42. ImmaAssClown

    Wait, I thought Hilary was Supergirl and you don’t wanna mess with her…

    or was that Edna?

  43. Iamtheperfectneighbor

    What’s all this about terrorism? Who is Edna? Maybe she should leave this site, I think it’s too much for her virgin eyes.

  44. BigJim

    #90:

    I rhink Edna did it.

  45. BigJim

    Stupid fat fingers making me type an r instead of a t.

    I must have been channeling Edna’s fatness.

  46. mrs.t

    If, perchance, it is the real Edna, she needs to remember that her little notebook isn’t really connected to anything. Tying a shoelace onto the binder with the other end stuck in a phone jack will only cause you to trip when you head to the kitchen for a fresh case of Hohos. All your hard work, and Billy Graham will never know who to thank.

  47. RichPort

    Jrz – It’s the psychos out there that make us take a slight pause before we act, and remind us that a little levity goes a long fucking way in this crazy fucked up world. Rereading the Edna posts may help.

  48. jrzmommy

    Rich I think I need to read more SJTLQ blog to laugh

  49. RichPort

    Visit The Ferret, er, I mean Edna Smote site… REPORTED!!!

  50. ATX

    Hilary is quietly becoming Kylie Minogue.
    The resemblance is uncanny!

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