Hilary Duff is being stalked

October 13th, 2006 // 126 Comments

Hilary Duff filed for a restraining order yesterday claiming she fears for her life because she’s being stalked by a paparazzi and a homeless man. Hilary and her boyfriend Joel Madden claim in court documents that a 19-year-old Russian emigre came to the United States “for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff.”

The court documents state the man, whose first name is Max, “admitted to being ‘obsessed’ with her, has stated his intention of ‘removing’ his ‘enemies’ (i.e., those who prevent him from being with her), has stated his intention of purchasing a weapon, and has threatened to kill himself and to engage in dramatic actions to get her attention.”

According to the documents, Max “has stated his belief that Hilary is in love with him and that Joel Madden stands in their way.”

The court documents also claim David Joseph Klein, a 50-year-old celebrity photographer who is roommates with Max, is also a threat.

The documents state, “Over the past six weeks, the defendants have engaged in an accelerated effort to make contact with Hilary, including visits to her neighborhood, to her mother’s home, to her boyfriend’s neighborhood … to Mr. Madden’s concert venue, and direct calls to Hilary’s manager.”

According to the documents, the police detained Max at least once at one of Madden’s concerts and questioned Klein at the same event.

These guys could save themselves a lot of trouble if they just visited the local farm and hooked up with a horse. Although to get the full effect they might have to close their eyes and imagine the horse’s teeth are a little bigger. And ignore the curves. Really, they should just glue some teeth onto a box and write “Hilary Duff” on the back.


  1. NipsyHustle


  2. BarbadoSlim

    Stalking means that you’re just not trying hard enough….

  3. NipsyHustle

    personally, i think the only way to get any hilary muff is to be stalkerazzi. hunt her down and drag her back to your cave. stupid joel madden’s been wining and dining this prude for years and probably hasn’t even gotten a chance to peek at the pussy. she wants some thug passion.

  4. she looks the least like a horse in her entire family. scary.

  5. jrzmommy

    So why isn’t a good old fashioned lynching legal in cases like this? A good ass whipping–and I mean an ass whipping to the nth degree–will solve 99% of the problems in the world today…especially with stalkers.

  6. Madrid Marriott

    Maybe he’s just after her gold mesh index finger sleeve.

  7. Bioplant

    Captain Obvious says that she is very attractive.

  8. Edna Bambrick

    #3, #5, You are REPORTED! I am reporting all disgusting posts. I have 63 names and counting.

  9. BarbadoSlim

    I fucking wonder how this girl doesn’t just hire some ex-Mossad thug and have the dude put down, Jolie style.

  10. jrzmommy

    What’s disgusting about beating someone that’s threatening your life until they back off, Edna? Edna–i’m reporting YOU! You’re a goner!

  11. That sounds like a great idea for the new NBC fall line-up: “A Paparazzi and a Homeless Man.”

    They live together in Manhattan, one takes up-skirt photos of B-list has-been celebs, while the other pees in a jar down by the river. At night they join forces to fight crime, and the spread of Lupus.

    Tom Hanks will play the Paparazzi, Tom Greene will be the Homeless man, and Tom Cruise will play the jar of pee.

    Must-See Thursday’s on NBC!

    PS – Hillary, why the long face? hehe.

  12. BigJim

    Holy shit, Edna’s back!

    Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

    Celebrate this glorious day by putting on a goalie mask and burying an axe into the head of someone you hate.

    Like Hillary Duff.

    Or Paris Hilton.

    Or Edna, the big fat fatty.

  13. jrzmommy

    I’m telling Edna’s Pastor I saw her here. You’re gonna be excommunicated, Edna–you sinner. SINNER!!

  14. Edna Bambrick

    All threats will be reported to Homeland Security. Let’s keep it clean folks.

  15. Oh yeah, like she’s pretty than me. PLEASE!

  16. RichPort

    Ms. Duff is hallucinating that she’s being chased… by a sandwich.

    Edna, please wait until you have 68 names before you report me, so I of course can be #69, in honor of that semen deluge I spewed upon you lovely librarian glasses. Good times man, good times.

  17. The horse joke isn’t funny, fuckers……

    Although I do wonder if Baba Booey is her father……..

  18. #8 – Edna, are you off your meds again? You quirky little cunt, maybe you should go see your doctor and ask him to up your doseage.

    Better yet, take your 63 names, print them on a piece of paper, roll it up as tight as you can, lick the end, and shove it right up your ass.

    Add me to your list. And be to sure to go to the top of the list and in big bold letters write These Are Bad People That I Should Fear and then keep the list in a safe place. Maybe hide it in your withered-up worm-infested snatch, that way no one will ever find it.

    I love you in that thing I saw you in.


  19. BigJim

    Edna, please report this Jessica bitch. Tell the FBI that she’s about to go on a school shooting rampage.

    Please inform the authorities that she is armed and dangerous and that a Rodney King style beating is in order. Tazers are good too.

    If she were to be fatally shot during her arrest, we’d all be pretty much cool with that.

  20. Stallion, you should date the Duff. With her face, and your giant horse-c*ck you two could sire quite the steed!

  21. Edna Bambrick

    #18, REPORTED!

  22. NipsyHustle

    Edna—somewhere there is a hallway that misses its monitor. Please hurry back to Suck D. Nuts High School.

  23. Nice!!!

    That’s right baby, let the poison out….MMmmmmmmmmmm, Christian Angst…

    I dine on your putrid ignorance, crazy bitch!!!!

  24. Brain, how you living.

    Edna suffers from Stickyourdickinherphobia.

  25. Wampoon.com

    I wonder how I would look with teeth like that…


  26. She looks interesting with the brown hair.


  27. Ferret, you are on fire today on this post.
    Keep them yuck-yucks a-coming.

    Hypenated for your pleasure!

  28. ApacheRose

    Ferret, just when I thought I couldn’t love you more…. you post #18

  29. commissioner


    I’m laughing so hard the tears are rolling down my face. And I have a facial and botox appointment in thirty fucking minutes. I can’t see my doctor with puffy red eyes!

    BigJim, Jessica just needs a hug. From a noose.

  30. FrootPie

    Edna, I was wondering if you could help me out. My neighbor’s cat keeps shitting in my yard, but the cops in my town won’t do anything about it, and the Feds won’t answer my calls anymore. If I send you a picture of the cat, would you please report it to Homeland Security? I would very much appreciate your help in this matter.

  31. jrzmommy

    Why do I think Edna is a lot like the Sleeping Cat Lady from My Name Is Earl last night?

  32. Figures it would be a Russian – they are so fucking weird. 40 years of cold war, and when you finally meet one they act like semi-fag retards with 80′s fashion sense. Red Dawn is never quite the same…

  33. Edna, seriously though. I know you are a closet nympho. What is it going to take for you to unbutton the top of your corset and show us those love-pillows of yours?

    I bet they are amazing.

    Imagine that, 54 year-old breasts that have never been seen by another human being. They probably contain the sure for cancer, since you are such a pure and vestile old bat.

    Come on baby, give the Ferret some love.

  34. luxy

    I’m pretty new to the Superficial, so forgive me – but is this Edna bird for real?

    Isn’t it a bit late to start reporting people, I thought the whole point was to be as offensive as possible – otherwise where would be the fun?

  35. Binky

    Joel Madden ? I always thought she was hooked up with John Madden.
    But ‘Max’ should really wake up. Wake up. Especially on Saturday night. I mean really. Too much travel for trouble-free stalking.
    She could be in New York. Maybe Hollywood and Vine. London, Paris or maybe Tokyo.
    (my apologies for knowing a Hillary Duff song)

  36. RichPort

    Headna, thanks for making Ferret 64 and for giving him a reason to give me a reason to scare my co-workers with manic laughter… only 5 more to go…

    Christian bullies are funny

  37. commissioner


    It’s alright if you’re a closet Duff fan. I watched a Duff movie because the man I am stalking, Chris Noth, was in it. He will always be my Mr. Big. I just wish he’d bleach his teeth.

  38. jrzmommy

    ‘Sup Commish.

  39. jrzmommy

    I’m going to have my own fragrance, too. It’ll smell like vodka, orange jujyfruits and the purple ink from ditto paper — anyone else old enough to remember that smell? WEll, that’s what I want MY fragrance to smell like. And I’ll call it
    Shrew! By Jrzmommy

  40. commissioner

    yo, jrz.

    Just paying the bills.

  41. ponk

    Edna, in an effort to help Rich reach the magical #69, i request that you report me as well…to either Homeland Security or Ass-Rapers Anonymous (your choice), you stupid fucking cunt.

  42. RichPort

    Hillary really should have named her scent something more appropriate, like HUNGER or EMACIATED.

  43. #40 – jrzmommy, I miss the smell of purple ink from ditto paper.
    It smelled like……….. victory!

  44. Superflyhoney

    Does Horseface have new teeth AGAIN???

  45. jrzmommy

    Brain, it smelled like……..TEST!

  46. FrootPie

    jrzmommy, I hope Shrew will be on the market in time for Christmas. I would love to get a bottle in my stocking.

  47. jrzmommy

    The bottle will be in the shape of my hand passing out the Jersey Salute…and on my middle finger will be a huge honkin’ diamond.

  48. James

    If she’s a prude I’d be shocked. She’d be only one of few famous women with class if she were indeed a prude. Gotta be a prude in this sick cesspool world to be safe. Prude rules.

  49. ponk

    it’s a good thing potato sacks are fashionable right now – helps hide anorexia/bulimia.

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