Hilary Duff is a Gossip Girl and other news

- Chris Brown is not allowed to contact Rihanna for five years. Which gives him plenty of time to have sexual reorientation surgery and become a man. [Just Jared]

- Ryan Gosling is dating Kat Dennings? But she wasn’t in The Notebook… [Lainey Gossip]

- Sean Connery turned 79 today and pretty much every woman I know would still do him. Someone should build him a statue. [PopEater]

- Jessica Biel is the “most dangerous woman” on the Internet. Is it because I’d stab my grandmother just to feel the breeze of Jessica’s ass? That’s gotta be it. [Wonderwall]

- Katherine Heigl knows how to get a discount. Why do I suddenly want to be a furniture salesman? [Celebslam]

- Lindsay Lohan’s neighbors are tired of the plague she’s beset upon them. Which I assume means Samantha Ronson’s penis. [The Blemish]

- Shia LaBeouf bags another co-star which is basically futile after sleeping with Megan Fox. Unless he likes to cry during sex, then high five! [PopSugar]

- Paula Abdul has landed a job hosting the revamped VH1 Divas. Now she’ll have even more of an excuse when she finds out Miley Cyrus is slated to perform. Gin will never taste so delicious. [ICYDK]

Photos: Splash News