Hilary Duff’s Calling Off The Divorce

April 11th, 2014 // 19 Comments

Because apparently it’s Get Back Together With People Who Should Be Me Goddammit Week, Radar reports Hilary Duff is working things out with Mike Comrie after the two started hooking up back in February. Which essentially means they spent a month not having sex or barely talking to each other which is almost the exact definition of a marriage, so I don’t get how they’re even calling themselves separated. The important thing is that Mike Comrie figured out that this trick never stops working:

“Hilary, just listen to me. Just listen to me for one sec-”
“No, Mike, I’m done. There’s nothing left to say.”
“Then you leave me no choice. *pulls out diamond ring* Will you marry me?”
“Sonofa… Take off your pants.”
“Okay, I’m probably an idiot for even asking this, but how the hell did that just work?”
“My father never hugged me.”
“So you’re basically exploiting an involuntary psychological reflex.”
“I see.”
“You still want me to blow you, don’t you?”
“Well, my pants are already off…”

Photos: FameFlynet


  1. CrashHell

    Worry not, they’ll still divorce eventually. It’s like Sienfeld said, ending a relationship is like knocking over a coke vending machine; you can’t just Incredible Hulk the thing and knock it down in one swipe, you gotta rock that sucker and eventually its all coming down.

  2. Crazy Weasel

    She dumped him the minute he was out of hockey and success. Don’t see her sticking around long term. This is just a scared knee jerk reaction to being alone with a kid on her way to 30 and no prospective husbands yet.

    • Carly

      She’s gorgeous and worth $25 million on her own, anyone in that position has prospects. Also, he may be out of hockey but he’s still an heir to The Brick fortune which is roughly $500 million.

      • Jenn

        Gimmie a break; she’s as big as Britney, and judging by looking at her sister and mother, Duff women grow pretty big. And with the exception of a voice over for a kids movie and a PSA on why we shouldn’t call someone ‘gay’ she’s done very little.
        More than likely her lawyers told her she’s worth more staying married than divorced, so she decided to stay married. That’s how gold diggers roll.

      • Obviously Jenn had designs on Hilary’s ex…

      • Jenn, you’re a fucking tard.

    • joe

      I can testify that she has a least one prospect.

  3. Damn it! I thought she was going to ride the cock carousel to show the world that she’s a free and independent woman when she got married. Along with flashing her vag and tits for the paps a few times.

    Do celebrities not have a morals anymore? I remember back in the days of Paris Hilton and the like that nipple slips and lip slips were as common as arrests and overdoses. Now we get barely one lip/nip slip a year. I long for a simpler time.

  4. I’m sure the separation agreement got stalled over money. The “gifts for friends and family” clause is always a killer.

  5. Mr. Obvious

    Just your garden-variety Hollywood gold digger

    • What the fuck are you talking about? She’s not garden-variety anything She’s top grade prime. And a gold digger? You mean her own gold, right? Of which there is tons…

  6. coljack

    Good for them. Hope it works out.

  7. If they’re going to get back together then I’m going to have to return all those new threads I charged on Fish’s VISA. I figured a nice wardrobe might impress her enough to get me into the running.

  8. tom

    I still would because I like them a bit plump and dumb.

  9. robo-turkey

    Umm…who is she?

  10. oh i know

    just the outfit to wear while shopping at Chanel…..

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