Hilary Duff Is Single

January 10th, 2014 // 34 Comments
What's The Problem Here?
She Says Yes With Blowjobs. BLOWJOBS. Read More »

When Mike Comrie proposed to Hilary Duff she promptly blew him, so right off the bat none of this makes sense. If that’s not the start of a successful marriage, then we might as well cancel them all because they’re a house of lies. TMZ reports:

Hilary Duff and ex-NHL star Mike Comrie have just announced they’ve separated … and it’s pretty obvious divorce is just a matter of time.
The couple says they “have mutually decided to an amicable separation” and will “remain best friends and will continue to be in each other’s lives.”

Wow. Well then, on that note, I just want Hilary Duff to know that I love children and blowjobs. No, not at the same time! Goddammit, you guys, I’m trying to talk to Hilary here. Don’t make this weird. Now where were we? Oh, right, so when you got really big after your first kid that was a fluke, right? (God, I’m so in.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN


  1. joe

    I really hope she goes on a post-divorce bender that involves lots of accidental nudity.

  2. poop

    she’s so cute
    i always hoped she would get more recognition
    maybe more prominent films

  3. Marry me, Hilary.

  4. Bonky

    I want this chick to come over my house on a Sunday
    morning, wake me up with a kiss on my cheek and
    then make me pancakes.

    Really, that’s it. I like her too much to fuck her.

  5. Valentino

    Short story: she married an “in” hockey guy. He had a hip injury and got comfy so he quit the NHL (lol noone would have him). In this period he got fatter and more boring without a job bringing in the big bucks.
    So now the Duff who is an alpha whore dumped his ass because he’s not man enough and not rich enough anymore.

    Very simple.

    • cc

      Sadly, from my observations about life, there’s a ring of truth from your version of events.

    • JPC

      Except he’s actually super rich without hockey. His family owns a big chain of furniture/appliance stores in Canada. His dad is worth over $500 million. And from what I’m reading after googling their net worth, Hillary had to sign a pre-nup.

    • Once again, Google exists, he is rich as fuck, rich rich as fuck.

      • malaka

        wealth is often less of a factor than employment itself.
        women want their partners to have all of their shit together.

      • He was a pro-athlete which 99.99999% of the world will never be and since he is the immediate heir to a billion dollar corporation, I am going to go out on a limb and say he is probably employed, very well employed, and his shit is quite together and just fine.

  6. Mike Adamson

    Comrie’s a twat and she’s well rid of him.

  7. Deacon Jones

    They’re probably divorcing because that was the last time she blew him.

    {knowingly nods head, weeps}

    • Are you thinking about the last time you blew a guy? I’m confused.

      • No, he’s talking about the proven fact (I’ve read the clinical studies) that a woman’s sex drive becomes diminished once a wedding ring is placed on the finger. Something about the magnetic draw of the moon and sun spots.

        And blow jobs………maybe on your birthday.

      • Mama Pinkus

        here’s a tip: she’d still want you if you were really good in bed

      • Rubick's Doob

        I feel sorry for you guys. I’ve been married for 19 years and just this past Saturday my wife blew me during a 10:30 showing of the Hunger Games Catching Fire. There were only five other people there. It was awesome.

  8. Cock Dr

    OMG that’s too bad. It got off to such a great start!

  9. Hilary Duff Legs Miniskirt Thigh High Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    I know this comment space is meant for snark or lewdness but damn, she is gorgeous and lovely.

  10. Sobieski Duff

    You are welcome fish.

  11. Hilary Duff Legs Miniskirt Thigh High Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    Why can’t any of the men and women today stay together and work things out? This whole fast food mentality thing is getting old…not to mention how immoral and self serving it all is. And it does nothing for her in my mind. Now she’s just another easy spreadem crotch with legs.

  12. Dirty Travolta

    Hilary, please go on a whore bender with videos

  13. I’ve got to echo the sentiments of the thread, it’s time to let it all hang out Hilary. You never had any wild days, so you have a lot of catching up to do.

  14. Urbanspaceman

    LIke so many Hollywood whores before her, she got what she wanted: DNA from a healthy man, a healthy baby and 20+ years of cheques. Kaley Cuoco is next up.

  15. juanhunglow

    and fat… would still tap.

  16. Hilary Duff Legs Miniskirt Thigh High Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m going to go propose to her… right now.

  17. Split it , hit it and haul ass. Sounds like a typical Hollywood encounter to me.

  18. Hilary Duff Legs Miniskirt Thigh High Boots
    Commented on this photo:

    Que mujer mas bella

  19. Hey, Hilary, Fish was trying to tell you something. I believe it was about blowjobs. Take my dick out of your mouth and answer him so he’ll go away.

  20. Vinnce

    “The couple says they ‘have mutually decided to an amicable separation’ and will ‘remain best friends and will continue to be in each other’s lives.’ ”

    Please, she was nothing but a gold digger from the get-go…and the only way shes going to “continue to be in each other’s lives” is by way of Comrie’s child-support and alimony checks.

  21. Hilary Duff Legs Miniskirt Thigh High Boots
    K Diddle
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like… librarian on top, hooker on the bottom….

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