Hilary Duff Finalized Her Divorce!!!!!
“Hilary Duff? Some white boy in a dumpster over there said to give this to you.”
“Dearest Hilary – I cleaned your shower with my tongue while you were gone because I know how important the little things are to you. And trust me when I say I am very, very little. ❤️ U – Me”
Because miracles do happen, Hilary Duff finalized her divorce from Mi- *gets yanked out of dumpster by bodyguards and repeatedly punched in the face until I don’t know what day or month it is*
Thanks, guys, good talk. See you by the mailbox tonight! *spits 18 teeth into sewer grate, stumbles away whistling REO Speedwagon*