Hey, Look, I Committed a War Crime!

February 25th, 2011 // 108 Comments

Since its Friday, we decided to go ahead and shoot you in the eyes since you have all weekend to recover, so here’s Gary Shirley, baby daddy to Amber Portwood and basically the perfect specimen of masculine perfection. Because what better use for sudden wealth than low-rise jeans, graphic tees and a Dodge Avenger? It’s not like this generation would be better off with higher education or a stable means of shelter for their constant parade of bastards. When my dad was putting food on the table and a roof over our heads, I mostly just wished he’d dress cooler and impregnate a naked pig from the county fair. Instead we had health insurance which is the gay cousin to being Mormon.

DAD: So, have you thought about college?
GARY: Eh, I’m just gonna knock up another girl and hope for that MTV money.
DAD: I’m talking about a plan for your future.
GARY: Mommm, Dad doesn’t understand my feelings!
MOM: Now, dear, Gary’s just trying to communicate with you.
DAD: *pulls out gun, shoots Gary in the chest* I WORKED IN A FACTORY.
AMERICA: *claps, cheers, rises above the ashes of adversity on golden wings of an eagle*

Photos: Flynet

superficial

  1. Elf

    “This is Red 5, I’m going in!”

  2. Kate

    OK – is that just unfortunate ass hair bunching, or does he actually have a vestigial tail?

  3. Myclamisaninnie

    DAMN IT TO HELL!!!!! i JUST THREW UP MY COFFEE IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE BIT, NOT KIDDING. I HATE FAT AND AM SICK OF FAT PEOPLE ONLY CUZ I HAVE TO LOOK AT IT, I CANT WALK AROUND WITH MY EYES COVERED. PUT DOWN THE FORK MTHER FCKERS!!

  4. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    Commented on this photo:

    His butt crack looks like a vagina.

  5. Rough part the internet. Yes, like the red sea

    I got $100 no one called animal control. Hell, I got $200 no one even report it….

  6. Nero

    This is almost like a deja vu and that’s why i’m after all not surprised at all.

  7. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    jamminose
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a tail? or just a huge dingleberry.

  8. JonnyTopside

    Damn fish, looks like Jessica hitting the gym is paying off, sweet ass!

  9. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you think there is enough spackle in the world to fill that enormous crack??? Yikes!!! It looks dirty and stinky! How nasty!!

  10. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    poorlola
    Commented on this photo:

    If he knew he had a dirty vagina in his ass he probably shouldn’t have worn low-rise jeans…

  11. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    Hah
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s not a tail, it’s Pilonidal Sinus! It’s an ingrown hair basically, very painful (& common, more amongst women) I should know I had it & I got a WAY bigger scar than this guy! You need an operation to get rid of it! Looks like his has come back though! LOL!

    • A pilonidal sinus is not an ingrown hair. It’s the result of a pilonidal cyst. Also, it looks like the scar from a excision of a sinus, not a sinus itself.

  12. puddleduck

    His ass crack looks like a hairy pussy

  13. Michelle

    Love you Fish but when we ask for more male skin this is not what we are looking for. Just sayin

  14. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    Dee
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a Pilonidal Sinus for sure. Man, those things stink!

  15. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    rose
    Commented on this photo:

    you all people should mind your bussiness,he loves her you probably single yourself.lol

  16. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    rose
    Commented on this photo:

    you should mind you alls manner and stop looking at his behind,hes a good father and loves her even though she put alot of anger toward him

  17. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    rose
    Commented on this photo:

    amber didnt mean it like that but u know he loves and adores your baby-girl,i really love watching you guys,you need to stop getting into trouble u are better than that…and you know gary loves u alot, take care……

  18. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    rose
    Commented on this photo:

    people out there dont HATE…..

  19. Gary Shirley Ass Crack
    Pants falling
    Commented on this photo:

    How those pants even stay up while walking or sitting ? I probably would not dare to wear such pants, at least not outside of my home.

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