Since its Friday, we decided to go ahead and shoot you in the eyes since you have all weekend to recover, so here’s Gary Shirley, baby daddy to Amber Portwood and basically the perfect specimen of masculine perfection. Because what better use for sudden wealth than low-rise jeans, graphic tees and a Dodge Avenger? It’s not like this generation would be better off with higher education or a stable means of shelter for their constant parade of bastards. When my dad was putting food on the table and a roof over our heads, I mostly just wished he’d dress cooler and impregnate a naked pig from the county fair. Instead we had health insurance which is the gay cousin to being Mormon.
DAD: So, have you thought about college?
GARY: Eh, I’m just gonna knock up another girl and hope for that MTV money.
DAD: I’m talking about a plan for your future.
GARY: Mommm, Dad doesn’t understand my feelings!
MOM: Now, dear, Gary’s just trying to communicate with you.
DAD: *pulls out gun, shoots Gary in the chest* I WORKED IN A FACTORY.
AMERICA: *claps, cheers, rises above the ashes of adversity on golden wings of an eagle*
Photos: Flynet
is that a mini penis coming out of his crack? I’m confused did Amber leave it there?
That’s the tail.
i didn’t want to be FIRSSST on this post on purpose.. my dignity just won’t allow it..
that just looks wrong. I eyes are bleeding!
After seeing that, i wish my eyes were bleeding.
Um, does he have a tail?
Some are more evolved than others, dear. Yes, it’s a tail.
A tail? Oh thank god! I thought it was a vagina.
holy shit, i think he does!!! fuck!!!
At the very least it’s a scar from where they removed a tail at birth.
Good to know that thanks to MTV, white trash can afford designer jeans.
P.S. Nice tail you sloppy fat bastard.
Khloe’s always had those jeans.
You really think that ass crack has a father that stuck around? I’m betting mom’s boyfriend has a ponytail and no job.
fuck you for posting this.
come on, you’d do the same. admit it lol
coincidentally i set amber’s smoothe, sweet ass as my phone background pic late nite. but right now, as uncle kamal once said when i saw him with his dick in the mixing bowl, “im fuckin dis-custard”
but hey, gary’s bein a real man being involved in that kid’s life. cant hate on dat. hopefully he uses some of that mtv money to get into remedial school if need be, and on to college or a votech.
Don’t care if he’s in the kid’s life or not. He passed on his fat genes and mated with another pig just to make sure. What kind of dad is that?
Is that where you park your bike?
hahahaha i could probly park my hog in there!
(crap, that didn’t sound too gay)
LMAO – Yes… I think you got yourself on that one Dude….
I would have believed that was Amber’s hairy crack.
So their kid is going to look the same on both ends? Tough break.
Joy Behar in the wild!
I just threw up in my mouth!
Five minutes earlier he was on the Superficial saying “that chick looks fat.”
winner.
I wonder why he cut off his tail? Amber seems like the kind of girl to be into that.
someone didn’t learn how to wipe their ass properly when they where three someone tell this guy you’re not supposed to smeer shit up your crack when he wipes his ass.
Crack kills man. Crack kills.
Is that a tail… o.O?
So… is that a gerble gasping for air at the top of the crack or does he just need to wipe a lot better?
I bet Amber nibbles cheese slices out of that.
BWAAAhahahahahahaha- you made me spit MY cheese slice across the room! LMFAO!
The pants stayed on. Why couldn’t the pants have stayed on when he was screwing around with Ms Piggley Wiggley?
Whitney Houston put it best a few years ago when she said “Crack is whack.”
It looks like Amber’s jeans are too big for him…
They’re called skinny jeans, and they’re kind of “in” right now…
That was called a joke, and it was kind of “over your head” right then.
On fat dudes? Since when?
THAT
Now I see why Amber insists on tagging him from behind.
Either that is a vestigial tail or he is such a fat fuck that even his ass crack has a double chin…
Not mutually exclusive options there. I cast my vote for “all of the above.”
Probably searching for his dignity. He should check back at the clothing store.
A more refined wigger would have worn some drawers with 40s of malt liquor on them.
Does that dude have a tail?
So THAT’S why they’re called “crackers”…
Amber’s face is looking a little bit better than usual today. Oh wait…
Fish dude, Are you really going to leave us with this hairy butt crack to look at all weekend? Dude, you are COLD!! Just give us some nice boobs. it is not that hard to find. Any but that hairy ass popping up on my screen all weekend.
Am still waiting for the post saying “jokes on u fish i stil rubbed one out” lol
safe weekend one n all, it’s off to west virginer for a punk sho
AMF~
hahahahaha…I remember reading that comment “jokes on you…..” and laughing my ass off. Under which topic was it said??
president’s day… :D
Ya’ll must not have seen her naked pix. Her body is pretty decent. Nice and tan…aroused just thinking about it
Othr than the tat ur god damned right id tag it hard
You might have to cover that tat, I’d imagine tagging her while the tattooed face of a baby stares at you might be hard on your conscience.
Face down ass up!!!
Make that *faces* down, plural
A forked butt crack is a sign of the devil. So sayeth Katy Perry. Amen.
That’s okay, I’d prefer to spoon Katy’s crack.
That’s a statement anyone could get behind (ahem).
AW Lawd I done seen a sign of the debil!! lmao
This post should have an additional tag… “appetite suppressant.”
Britney? Is that you?
If that’s Britney she has one hairy chalupa..
And then he Tweeted, “What’s more painful than anal sex? Not getting to have any anal sex. Would someone come fuck me in the ass please?”
This posting is a good indication that Fish has cracked his first cold one and is laughing maniacally at our collective angst…
Damn you Fish!! ‘Tis an “ass of woe” you have bestowed upon your loyal readers. You made the Internet die a little today…. :(
A picture for the Ladies .
Ooh naw, take it back. That is the crack of doom.
Ewww… I didn’t need to see that. No underwear AND no belt. He should’ve picked one or the other, not both. That’s just nasty.
Why did u post this……i can understand dat girl with hairy legs….but this is a waste of space on ur website
Was that necessary?
I have officially lost my appetite. I’m not even joking on this one. I was fine until I saw the tail comments and that pretty much did me in. The thought of this thing. Procreating. Why. I’ll lose sleep over this for weeks. I have a feeling that this is going to haunt me for a very long time.
rofl….i know, fuck!
You sure that isn’t an Amber crotch shot ?
I’ve heard of coin slots, but that can hold a whole roll of quarters.
Put down the Happy Meal box, back away from the Avenger, and for the love of God, use your MTV cash to have that schnitzel removed from your buttcrack.
WTF is that flap between the cheeks???
Manbearpig sighted. See incredible photos on the fabulous world wide web.
Princess Leia: The cave is collapsing.
Han Solo: This is no cave.
LMFAO
oh look, it has a tail!
this is why I don’t understand gay men. I just can’t imagine wanting to lick, suck, touch that hairy, sweaty, RED ass crack…
you sure that isn’t Roseanne Barr?
Chewie, start the Falcon!
why don’t people wear belts?