Herman Cain Was Quoting Pokemon This Whole Time

December 5th, 2011 // 99 Comments
Herman Cain

“You see, women are like Charmander. Sometimes they evolve into Charizard, and sometimes you gotta catch them in your office by pretending it’s a giant Pokeball. Otherwise, Jigglypuff comes in, starts stealing your potion, and hell, that ain’t right.”

For those of you blissfully unaware of the current state of American politics, Republican presidential nominee candidate Herman Cain has admitted to using Pokemon quotes – which he’d been attributing to a “poet” – during his campaign, including his concession speech on Saturday after realizing all those women he sexually harassed didn’t just disappear when he closed his eyes and wondered when he’d get to finally use his new Oshawott in battle. Via The Huffington Post:

“I believe these words came from the Pokémon movie. I’m not sure who the original author is, so don’t go write an article about the poet, but it says a lot about where I am– where I am with my wife and my family, and where we are as a nation,” Cain said. “Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there’s so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There’s a mission just for you and me.”

Ladies and gentleman, your modern Republican party. And yes, I know, “But Al Gore uses planes!” Save it.

Photo: Getty

superficial

    • second that

    • The Laughing G-D

      + 1

    • shoddycursive

      YES!

    • occam's boner

      Indeed. The only sincere candidate.

    • The Royal Penis

      Never gonna happen, but if hell freezes over and the GOPers grow a brain I suppose I’ll have to cast a vote for the good Doctor.

      At least he doesn’t pander to ANYONE and is honest even when it’s painful to watch. He may have a squeaky voice and be physically smaller than all the other candidates but he’s by far the bravest.

    • Reading is Sexy

      Gool ol’ America. They’ll vote for any crazy person, as long as it isn’t a ‘damn hippie liberal.’

      (Note to chuckleheads: Obama is not a liberal. He’s a moderate, like Eisenhower. But since only crazy people are allowed into the GOP these days, anyone who tries to act reasonable is a commie.

      • The Royal Penis

        “Obama is not a liberal. ”

        lol

        Really?

        So was Mao a Liberal if Obama isn’t?

      • Obsidian

        Measure Obama’s positions against the Republicans of 20 years ago.

        If this were 1991, Obama would be considered a moderate Republican.

        George W. Bush oversaw the greatest increase in spending in American history. TARP, Medicare Part B, No Child Left Behind, immigration ‘reform’. Every one of those things was more communistic than anything Obama did.

        George H.W Bush raised taxes when the economy was bad. Bob Dole wanted a healthcare reform that included an individual mandate.

        If you go back to 70′s, well, Nixon was an environmentalist who passed clean water and clean air acts, created Medicare, and proposed a health care reform very much like Obama’s. Rockefeller supported the arts as NY Governor, and spent BILLIONS on building infrastructure and urban housing.

        The problem is, the Republican party has slid so far to the right, that anyone to the left of Mussolini looks like a socialist.

        In short, Royal Penis, you are a moron, and I behoove you to do the world a favor and remove yourself from the gene pool before your stupidity infects someone else.

  1. Wait’ll he finds out the Viridian Forest already has nuclear capability.

  2. Any Guy

    SQUIRTEL 2012!!!!!

  3. Boy Blunder

    Gotta harass them all!

  4. Ke Ryst

    Ditch the Lefty commentary, fuck-tard

    • Jared

      Grow a brain, dick-wad

      “That Cain’s candidacy was taken seriously for longer than a nano-second in a time of genuine crisis for the country raises fundamental questions about the health of the political process and the Republican party,”

      —Steve Schmidt, campaign manager for Arizona Sen. John McCain’s 2008 presidential bid.

      • Blutarsky

        Yeah. Let’s quote from the moron who ran Frankenstein’s campaign in 2008. How’d that whole McCain/Palin thing work out for him?

      • Tou grow a brain and read something besides this site and huffington. and spare me the fox comments. The Republican candidates are not “perfect” but one thing none of them are:
        socialists! and no we aren’t there yet–but read a history book while you are at it. Fish. shut the F up with your politics Statistically, you got to know you are pissing off half of your audience. Stick with what you know—and politics isn’t it.

      • Schmidtler

        ya know, you could swap out “obama’ for “McCain’, “Democrat’ for ‘Republican’, ’2012′ for ’2008′, and ‘anyone with a brain in their head’ for ‘Steve Schmidt’ in that quote, and be dead on.
        yeah, because with the economy melting down, 2 wars going on, and unemployment at record levels, what we really needed was somebody with no more experience than ‘community organizer’ being elected to our nation’s highest office. yah, that worked out swell. preach on, libtards.

      • Dan

        @AHLibs Seriously dude, look at all the handouts given to businesses by GOP (and Dems BTW). GOP are just as “socialist” as Dems.

        The parties are really about the same because they have to look after similar interests – that pay them millions of dollars.

    • Cher X

      Wow Ke, you make such a convincing argument to join the Republican party. I wanna be as thoughtful and and as eloquent as you are.

      Your well-presented combined with your keen, insightful wit has swayed me. I am now a Republican.

      • jk

        Like saying Cain quoting pokemon as being for the whole Republican party was any smarter. Partisan politics aren’t needed here, rip both sides or not at all, as I mean really this is not a political blog.

    • cc

      Don’t read it, simpleton.

    • Internet Lamester

      O noes! Someone has criticized a Republican! That means they’re controlled by an all-powerful liberal conspiracy designed to make my life crummy! Boo-hoo-hoo!

    • D-chi

      I really don’t appreciate Fish’s political commentary either. No politician is perfect. In fact, a lot of them are scum bags. On both sides. Being a Republican doesn’t make you an idiot.

      • How do you know when politicians are lying? Their lips are moving. ANYone who votes, therefore legitimises the swindle currently being run by the corporate oligarchy, is a tard. If no-one amongst the great unwashed masses voted, these fucking fools would have no mandate to govern, so how & where could they get off serving the rich while running everyone else into the ground?

  5. Archies_Leach

    Shouldn’t something named “Godfather’s Pizza” be run, or have been founded by, someone named Gotti or Corleone?

  6. Alex

    Talk about the pot calling the kettle black with that last comment, Fish. You combine the current Republican party I.Q. with the Democrat party I.Q. and you might get Mongoloid + or – a doughnut.

    You save it.

    • Dan

      +1
      dems aren’t any better nor worse than the gops.

    • Tiggles

      What I liked about Cain was that he didn’t seem so much as from our current “political class” of politicians. My sense is that the media really hate such people, probably because they don’t have any comfortable deals with them.

  7. hollywood_hillbilly

    LOL@republicans! Thanks for being such predictable douchenozzles.

  8. Winnie The Who?

    Herman Cain will need a Master Ball to capture the votes of the American’s. That’s a FACT!

  9. mike

    “Does this mic make any of you ladies… think of anything?”

  10. Deacon Jones

    This crop of Republican candidates is like watching a bunch of three legged dogs run a race. No matter how shitty they are, there’s always going to be a frontrunner!

    Now the GOP’s brightest light is a man that is on his 3rd marriage who was driven out of office by his own party in the 90s! Yeeeee-HAW!!!

    • The guy never stood a chance. Nobody outside of the political fellowship ever does.

    • dude!

      You libtards worshiped at the alter of Bill “slick willie” Clinton who got serviced at least once–in the oval office. Liberals ain’t perfect, either, dude.

      • Deacon Jones

        Yeah, but we’re not the ones that stand on a soapbox that preach about morals all day long.

    • occam's boner

      Cain “outside of the political fellowship?” Hardly. Notice they didn’t tout his time as chairman of the federal reserve bank in KC, for instance. And his crack about how an audit of the fed would just be a “waste of time.” Sure, they dole out over SEVEN TRILLION in bailout money since ’85 – what’s the problem??
      Yeah, a real outsider, that “pizza man.”

  11. suck it

    LMAO.. this made my day!!!!

    • ObamaMama

      mine too!! I was almost impressed as I’m an anime fan… although I only watched Pokemon with my child. It does make one laugh, but it really should make us cry. Sad state of affairs… Far righties like a man who can only quote Pokemon, but hate a scholar like President Obama. Sad

      • D-chi

        A scholar like Obama? He blatantly disrespected Benjamin Netanyahu and then called himself Israel’s greatest friend. I don’t understand what that child is thinking when he talks sometimes.

      • D-chi

        Also Pokemon was amazing. I remember when it came out in 3rd grade and changed the hearts and lives of us all.

  12. He wanted to be the very best, like no one ever was

  13. dude!

    Maybe Herman played the ladies a bit, (see Bill Clinton on this subject too) but me thinks Mr. Cain has more character and intelligence that the crack toking pretender we have in the white house now (see article about him using a teleprompter to address elementary school kids) What has O’dumbass accomplished in his three years except class warfare, escalating the debt and pretending he is the richest man alive by playing golf and vacationing on the taxpayer’s dime?

    • Schmidtler

      as much as I dislike odumbo, in fairness you have to give him credit for having the balls to greenlight the navy seals to go in and ice Bin Laden. with that move alone, he elevated himself past ‘Jimmy Carter’ on the scale of ineptitude as president.

      • JasonB

        Carter authorized the Israeli military to go in after the hostages in Iran. The Republicans in Congress said, “no”. They waited until Reagan won, and then that was the first thing they did. They also opened up the oil reserves, which Carter tried to do. The only way the GOP knows how to win the White House is to destroy the economy and the presidential legacy of the sitting Dem, and then stroll in and continue with the ass rape of the country. Fact.

      • POWW

        It was a political move.
        A very well played one.

    • JasonB

      First of all, the only reason anyone knew about Clinton and Monica is because the Republican’s showed no respect for the Office of the White House, and went after him on a personal matter. All they cared about was ruining his legacy and driving voters to the GOP. Second, what is the evidence of Cain’s intelligence? He quotes Pokemon as poetry, uses video games to develop economic strategy, and declares that quoting him is lying. Being a successful business man is not intelligence. How about graduating from both Columbia University and Harvard Law School, or being the president of the Harvard Law Review?
      Third, Obama didn’t use a teleprompter to read to the kids, he used it to address the press. Bush used teleprompters, as do most politicians, except Palin who just uses notes written on her hand.
      Lastly; Obama is inciting class warfare?!? Really?!? It has nothing to do with the GOP refusal to raise taxes, except on the poor and middle class. It has nothing to do with the banks getting trillions (yes, trillions) of dollars from us, but at the same time they want to cut services for the poor. Who’s playing class warfare.
      And let’s not even get into the president who spent more time on vacation than any other president in the history of the union, GWB.
      You, sir, are a racist and an ignoramus.

      • chinto

        I don’t read any racism in dudes post. Does not agreeing with Obama equal racism now? Sad.

      • Jill

        there’s a great quote I read a while back and i’m not sur ewho said it but the gist of it was “One thing you can be sure of, when class warfare is being waged, it is being waged against the poor.” If I hear one more right winger spew the fox news rhetoric that Obama is somehow waging class warfare against the welthy because he wants people to have access to basic healthcare and to raise taxes on a very small gorup of people who can f*^&ing afford it, I’m going to freak out.

      • You know, the race card is getting really tiring. Anytime someone says something negative about their O, the race card is always thrown in the mix. Pathetic. You do know Herman Cain is a Black Man don’t you?????

        I could give a rat’s ass about where O went to college and that he was the president of the Harvard Review—ohhhh, I’m so impressed. I would be more interested in knowing his course work in undergrad and HARVARD and maybe his GPA. Funny how we can’t get that info.

        Just listen to O, Pelosi and other Dem leader’s rhetoric–that should explain the argument for them attempting class warfare.

        By the way–Carter DID attempt to rescue our hostages—HUGE FAILURE. You are a snob.

        B

      • Over the last thity years there has been class warfare in the United States, as the American middle class was systematically destroyed under both Republican and Democratic administrations.

        Why did you have the “conventional wisdom” that Republicans got things done while Democrats inneffectually dithered? Because the Republican party openly advocated the interests of the monied class and championed the corporation over the government while the Democratic party played the role of the defender of the working class. In this way both parites worked together to create a period of income inequality unrivaled since the gilded age of the 1920s.

        Thirty years of intensive class warfare, waged by the monied class against the rest of the nation, has hollowed out the nation’s infrastructure, decreased the median income level for American families in real terms while inflation continued at an average 2.5% per anum, destroyed the labor movement and robbed pensions and healthcare from a generation of American workers.

        These are the facts on the ground. Spin. Run off at the mouth. Whatever. This is what has happened.

        For thirty years this class warfare has been waged and the phrase “class warfare” was never used. But now people are protesting the continuation of these policies, the final repudiation of the 20th century social contract and the handing over of its last remaining dividends to an international elitest class, and because people are protesting….

        ….we hear about class warfare.

      • oval orifice

        Hey JasonB, what were King Obama’s grades?? And how many articles did he publish at the good old “Law Review?”

        Answers: Classified, and ZERO.

        The crack about the Republican’s [sic] having “no respect for the Office of the White House” was especially rich. You mean the same “Office of the White House” where Clinton received blow jobs while on the phone discussing troop movements in Bosnia??

        I’m not sure you’ll even be accepted to a community college at this point. Clean up the grammar, and read at least ONE book, damn!

    • dude!

      All the lib-socialists have left is to pull the race card whenever their views require a little bit of logic for support. I would have not have any problems voting for Mr. Cain. It is his principals, not the color of his skin that I would have voted for. Lib-socialists that voted for O’looser just because it “might be cool to vote for a black guy” are the racists. Voting for president is not one of those dorky dances with stars or other nauseating (to me) popularity shows that the brain-dead (my opinion) watch.

      • D-chi

        It’s true regarding the race card. When you have ignorant people like Janeane Garofalo saying the Tea Party-goers are racist and all other manner of insults, you really have to question whether or not anyone thinks these days.

    • ObamaMama

      You are delusional… seek help and maybe read/watch other news besides Fox. You’ll learn alot.

      • dude!

        @ObamaMama. Look in mirror, bitch. I very rarely watch Fox news or CNN and especially not msnbc. It is called self education, self awareness, self dependence. Suck it.

  14. Cock Dr

    Another egotistical doofus who actually thought he could get away with using a “presidential campaign” to boost his book sales and walk away with a big pile of “campaign” contribution funds.
    Dummy thought he could do this without any of his past pussy adventures jumping out and bitting him on the ass.

  15. Should roughing be regulated? What's your stance?

    This man can’t WIN. Now that he is being honest, he’s being mocked?

  16. Newt Gingrich is the new GOP frontrunner. And Donald Trump is moderating their next debate.

    Jesus wept.

    • Alex

      And I will take a shit. Will be far more interesting and productive.

    • D-chi

      I really don’t like the debates. All they do is passive-aggressively attack each other instead of, you know, getting stuff done.

      Both parties are in shambles.

  17. adolf hitler

    “O’dumbass” LOL HILARIOUS. THATS CLASSIC MAN. U IS KIND. U IS SMART. US IS IMPORTANT.

  18. Where all the white women at?

  19. Frank Burns

    As I’ve long suspected, the liberal media is actually Team Rocket.

  20. crystal

    This shit was on Maddow like a month ago. Slow news day?

  21. Lord Invader

    I hope this means that we can forget about the primaries and just skip ahead to the the POG tournament that will decide the Republican candidate.

    • oval orifice

      We can. It will be Romney. And you will be branded ‘insensitive to other religions’ if you try to say boo about it…fair warning! Much in the sense that anyone who criticizes the current regime is ‘racist.’

  22. LJ

    …..Pokémon movie?…….come on, man!!!!!

  23. oval orifice

    Funny, Fish…I don’t remember you posting a single fucking thing about John Edwards. When he ran, the media just wasn’t interested in the rumors that swirled around that glorified ambulance chaser (folks in NC knew better, of course). Then we learn he didn’t only run around on his cancer-stricken wife for years with a young tart…she birthed his love child DURING HIS PRESIDENTIAL RUN!!! Yet, you saps were just not interested.

    Yet, you come after a black conservative, armed with hyperbole. Interesting. Like: “all those women he sexually harassed” – all what women, Fish? The one who just got evicted? The two from Chicago? All from one company, out of a career that spans 40 years?? Even if the affair is true, how does that make the other allegations credible? He has an affair, so he must be a sex fiend who abuses women?? Does not compute.
    Again, no evidence, but you cite their claims as gospel. And again, we will NEVER see a post of this sort about your beloved democrats.

    You are a hack. And any of you that think you’re ‘taking it to the man’ somehow by supporting the democrats need to be sterilized. See: Barney Frank and Chris Dodd and their role in the Fanny/Freddie loan scandals for starters.

    • Ugh

      You have selective memory, then. You’re choosing not to remember the coverage of Edwards.

    • ethermonk

      +1 You nailed it. The facts have passed all the liberals by. The Democrat party is the party of the idle rich (see their percentage of non self-made millionaires in Congress), the party of big corporations (GE, GM, Google, Apple, etc.) and the party of failure (see Obama).

      If you ply the premise that a new administration lives under the consequences of the previous one, Reagan was handed an economy in far worse condition than Obama (21.5% interest, anyone?), and look where his levels of success were at year 3 of his first term. He created 1.1 million jobs in 1 month alone!

      Fish, your party desperately needs re-alignment to become relevant again. And the best you can do is rip Herman Cain? It must be frustrating to believe in someone like Obama so fervently, and yet see how you are coming out on the wrong side of history – so I will cut you some slack.

      But you are still pathetic.

  24. Jeez, Saturday Night Live is going to have to be 3 hours long this week.

  25. Spyderman

    All you fucking Americans are as retarded as each other. Your country’s gone done the crapper and all you morons are here arguing with each other like little children.

    • POWW

      That’s all we can do until. we get to vote! and hopefully change the party!!!!! as our country has “gone down the shitter” faster than any other time in history in these past 3 years.
      Take that you non American. Oh yeah, shut the F up about
      all of us Americans. See, we can be very protective of our
      own, even stupid libs.

    • D-chi

      And yet…. we’re still the hegemon.

  26. The Royal Penis

    I never Reverend Sexy liked poke a man. I guess his sexual appetites were more varied than I thought.

  27. kris

    ill take pokemon quotes any god damn day of the year over obama and the entire left.

  28. kris

    I swear, people think its trendy to shit all over the right. Hopefully you’ll get your heads out of your asses and wise up.

    “If you’re not a liberal when you’re 20, you have no heart. If
    you’re not a conservative when you’re 40, you have no brain.” – Winston Churchill

    • D-chi

      I’ve noticed it’s incredibly trendy to be liberal nowadays, especially when you’re young. People just don’t know what they’re talking about. It’s like OWS. Sure, it’s great to protest corruption in corporations. However, these little children calling for the downfall of capitalism can’t stand the fact that capitalism is the reason they have as much as they do. There’s a reason communism doesn’t work. It’s incredibly impractical and difficult to implement, not to mention it eventually kills motivation to better yourself.

  29. L

    holy hell go blow obama already. i got half way through this and wanted to vomit. and seriously, calling the guy racist? REALLY? its 2011 and we have a black president and the guy was defending a black candidate from the right. racist? really? pathetic.

    • D-chi

      Black Conservative uses SUPERSONIC!

      Close-minded Liberal is confused!

      Close-minded Liberal hurt itself in its confusion!

  30. Me thinks when the comments are overall running a little slow onsite, Fish throws in a pollie story to get things up & running again. Well played, sir, well played.

  31. RichPort

    Political commentary by the Mensa squad on the Fish… only in America.

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