Here’s That Harry Potter Movie That Doesn’t Have Harry Potter In It

J.K. Rowling has a new trilogy in the works about one of Harry Potter’s textbooks, set 70 years before Harry’s story. So, it’s like a Star Wars spinoff about the user manual for the Millennium Falcon, and here’s the twist — the ship’s not even in it! And since cocaine is now actively making studio decisions, they’re now releasing “announcement trailers,” which are two minutes of title fonts and score you remember from that thing you liked. And brahms, you gotta have brahms. This one’s called Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, because they couldn’t think of a longer, more boring title, but I would have gone with You Thought This Shit Was Over? Oh Fuck No, We’re Just Getting Started, Nerds. Rip Open That Velcro Wallet. P.S. Fuck Your Face, Signed Warner Bros.

Hermione’s not in it either, Sorry guys. Or gals. I honestly don’t know who’s more into this dude.