Here’s Miley Cyrus’ Newest Naked Thing

May 2nd, 2014 // 32 Comments
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Posted by Photo Boy

Before I get to last night’s iHeartRadio Music Awards, I’d like to start with someone who wasn’t there because European medical officials have followed our lead and deemed her an imminent medical threat to society. It’s unclear how long it will be before Miley Cyrus can take the stage and grope Napoleon’s balls with a huge foam finger or whatever dumb shit she has planned, so in the meantime, here she is in an art piece that I’m retitling “Satan’s Kaleidoscope: All Those Mushrooms In College Don’t Seem Like Such A Great Idea Now, Do They?”

superficial

  1. cc

    I often wonder if she’s really wild and crazy sexually or if she’s deeply, sexually repressed.

    I also wonder how this even meets the basic threshold of what constitutes a ‘song’.

  2. I don’t want to hear that song, so thanks for the pictures. Miley is fucking sexy. I want her bad.

  3. dirt dog

    Please go away.

  4. (Puts on postmodern douchebag hat)

    I can’t help but wonder if her bizarre self-sexualizing is some kind of reaction to being commodified by her parents and Disney as a kid. Her whole life has been spent as a minstrel, she knows nothing other than amusing other people. So now that she’s an adult, she’s embraced her status as an object and taken it almost (?) as far as she can in the mainstream “music” industry. Part of me wonders if she’s actually really smart, and this whole twerking/Uncle Terry/whateverthefuck this video is constitutes little more than a very long troll.

    Of course, I’m bored in my office right now, so this could all just be the ramblings of someone preparing to grade 163 final exams.

    (removes hat)

    And I’d totally fuck her.

    • Quasi

      Not to mention getting dumped by Liam…that seemed to help push her over the edge. Kind of makes you wonder the behind the scenes on that one.

    • JC

      Someone’s going to write a thesis on those ideas. I think it’s worth adding an appendix, though:

      Usually high + “I Hate You Daddy” = Miley

    • There’s a surprisingly high number of academic types that hang out around here. I think McBeef noticed the same thing a while back.

      • I’m in adjunct hell and have worked in 8 different history departments. IME, academic mental escapes center around some mix of baseball, booze, and celebrity gossip. The number of academic fantasy baseball leagues is mind-boggling.

    • Ozomatli

      She’s only been famous for 6 years. She had a normal spoiled rotten childhood

  5. brick

    I think she just nosed out Rhianna is that over exposure contest their obviously having.

  6. Quasi

    She does what sells….who’s fault is that? As long as that keeps being rewarded, it will keep happening.

  7. Cock Dr

    She’s working straight from the Madonna handbook to pop diva fame & fortune. Lousy club music served up with b&w fishnet wrapped tits & ass.

    • JC

      I feel like she skipped the first part of the handbook, though–the part that says make some decent pop songs while courting mild controversy to garner attention and goodwill, and only later should you squander that on batshittery and club garbage.

  8. Deacon Jones

    Um, no thanks.

    I’ll take Led Zeppelin Live at the Filmore for a $1,000, Alex.

  9. She is an odd one, that’s for sure. Nothing wrong with selling crappy songs using T&A, of course, but it’s the overwhelming sense of desperation and the extreme need for attention she exudes that is making her act more than a little uncomfortable.

  10. The only thing I want to see her covered in is flesh-eating bacteria.

  11. Mama Pinkus

    there is nothing remotely sexy about this gal – no matter what she wears or doesn’t wear, no matter what she does – she simply does not have “it” so she looks desperate and pathetic

  12. Juano

    Thought she was so ill she had to cancel all her European performances? Guess that was just more bullshit. Probably had tanking ticket sales.

  13. anonym

    I’d put a bag over her head.

  14. Bonky

    It seems like Miley and Rihanna are trying to out-whore each other.
    Is there a prize for the winner ? Do these bitches really need to
    do this much stupid shit to stay relevant or are they really just attention slores who
    don’t feel anything unless they are shocking people ?

    • Dr Plaid

      Due to a lack of proof reading, and the layout of the QWERTY keyboard, you have just created a new insult, ‘slores’. Come up with a good definition, and it might catch on.

  15. With this latest, erm, production, it just seems that Miley’s outside starts to resemble her inside.

    If it sounds like shit and looks like it is covered in shit be glad you didn’t step in it…

  16. kery

    Miley looks like a whore. It seems that artists these days have to show their bod to be popular.

  17. gumbypokey

    If there were a book detailing the specific psychological aspects of fame and how they affect child development, I’d read it, cause I really can’t figure some of these assholes out.

  18. She has the body of a wimpy 15 year old boy with implants and the ass of an 85 year old woman – I fail to see how that´s sexy no matter what she wears (or doesnt).
    Then there´s the fact that she talks, I think that´s her worst flaw.

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