Here’s Lindsey Vonn’s ‘F*ck You Tiger Woods’ Dress

Lindsey Vonn’s legs frighten me in a way I’m not comfortable admitting as a man, so this post is going to slam her shitty ex-boyfriend, Tiger Woods, instead. That’s partly because I don’t know shit about sports or the ESPYS (although from Facebook I’ve gathered it’s some sort of military shaming ceremony for transgender people) and partly because Tiger Woods is not a pair of muscular vice-like appendages that could snap my office chair body in half. Anyway, during the show, Joel McHale made a Tiger cheating joke with Lindsey in the audience. Via Us Weekly:

“Many are calling Jordan Spieth the new Tiger Woods,” McHale said of the 21-year-old golf sensation, who is currently ranked second in the world. “Which is great news for golf and terrible news for the future Mrs. Jordan Spieth.”

She took it well, basically laughing it off, because I’m sure by now she realizes that even if her entire body was made of other women’s vaginas, he still would have cheated. It’s a good thing she has a thick skin about it, because people will never forget that she somehow believed Tiger Woods was dating material, despite what had to be an awkward courtship.

“Listen, I know my past is bad, but you can trust me, I’ve changed.”
“I don’t know, I’ve been burned in the past.”
“I’ve had counseling. All that stuff’s behind me now.”
“Did you just hand a picture of your penis to our waitress?”

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Getty